A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why the need to hurt me? My ex and i broke up a few months back, it wasnt a good relationship, he had been hurtful and abusive to me, we also had kids which is why i choose to end it. He has continued to try and get back with me even though he still does not accept blame for his behaviour towards me. He suggested we could try again for the sake of the kids, however i know that he wont ever change so living apart wont make things better between us. He says he loves me and said he would always keep the door open for me. Yet he has told our daughter he has a new girlfriend. Im assuming this was a tactic to just cause me more hurt as he knows im hurting still, i mean you dont just suddenly stop caring even though i ended it. I feel as though i cant take anymore, why do men think its ok to toy with your emotions?
View related questions:
broke up, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (1 April 2012):
 Healthy, caring men do not think it's fine to toy with women's emotions. Abusive, selfish and hurtful men do. Make the distinction. Your ex is an abusive man.
Please, if you haven't yet, go in for counseling to see why you wound up with an abuser. There may be a pattern you are not aware of and it would be healthier for you and your children for you to see it and figure out how not to succumb to or be affected by this abuser any longer.
Best wishes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): Do not get back together 'for the kids sake', that is a myth. Kids would rather have a happy, settled life with contact with both parents but not particularly all under the same roof. Call time on your ex. He is being cruel and he is better off out of your life in all senses apart from being the kids father.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to also.add I don't allow him to do this he simply does it through our daughter, I only speak to.him in regards to my children. The abuse was emotional and physical, he would sometimes lose.his temper and push me or grab me.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (31 March 2012):
 He's toying with your emotions because
a.)you're allowing him to, and
b.) he knows he still has the power to hurt you emotionally, because YOU have given him that power.
If you become indifferent to him and look at him as just the father of your children and not as your ex partner, then he can never hurt you. Its difficult to differentiate between both roles, but you have to learn to do that. Dont give him the power to affect you in any way.
Always remember, no one can hurt you without your consent.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): Why do women think it's not their fault when they actively allow men to toy with their emotions?
If you didn't like this game then you wouldn't play it, simple as that.
You have two choices either stop him messing with your head or stop complaining about it. You have no right to moan about something you can put a stop to. I wouldn't let someone treat me this way and I'll never understand people that do allow it.
Think having kids together is a good excuse as to why this still happens because you can't cut off communication? Think again OP, I know single mothers and fathers that only speak to arrange pick up, drop off times and matters solely related to the kids. I know single mothers who have been through what you're going through and cut off any phone call or text that was anything about feelings. People have a tendency to back off when you stop playing their games, so either stop playing or stop complaining.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (31 March 2012):
 its not ok for him to toy with your emotions but he can only do that if you let him If he has a new girlfriend then he has moved on You will always care a bit hes the father of your kids You dont say what abuse he used to you in the relationship but it was enough to end it Why are you bothered anyway . his actions dont show he wants to get back with you Tell him you'l talk about the kids only and no more,he should not be telling your daughter stuff so stop him doing that too
Then try going out with your friends when he has the kids have some fun yourself
...............................
|
