A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for three years and we recently broke up. I went no contact with him for a month. During this period he tried calling, texting, social media and even showing up to places or bars that I normally go too. He even left messages on my friends phones. I finally caved in and answered him. Now that I answered him he poured his heart out to me saying he screwed up he missed me he loves me etc. Well its been 3 days now and I'm the one doing the majority of the texting and he's giving me short answers or not even answering. I basically asked what is going on and he said he doesn't think its a good idea if we communicate how we used to because we need to start all over from square 1. I don't understand it if you love someone and want them back in your life wouldn't you just resume normal communication? What is he doing? He spent a month chasing me I finally give in shouldn't he be happy?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 December 2013):
 OP I see your unverified followup....
you broke up because he:
*never spent time with me and
*took me extremely for granted.
*He constantly would talk down to me
*I had to do what he says.
*He had VERY rigid roles on the relationship.
(note the above bullets are you exact words)
so now that you are back together have ANY of the above things changed? IF they have not changed, then nothing is going to be different. IF they have not changed why did you go back? If they have not changed how do you expect this relationship to be different this go round?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2013): We broke up because he never spent time with me and took me extremely for granted. He constantly would talk down to me like I was the little women and I had to do what he says. He had VERY rigid roles on the relationship. I felt like I was driving myself crazy to please him. We'd break up get back together and he would be good for a few weeks then slip back into his normal behavior. And this past breakup was the longest one.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 December 2013):
really from square 1?
does he know that means he has to court you, woo you, win you and WAIT FOR SEX?
yes?
good then let him court you, woo you and win you while you "date around" and meet a guy who's NOT playing stupid games.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2013): Showing you who's boss, woman! Can't let you think you've somehow won. Now that his pathetic, sorry "romantic", grovelling has worked he needs to feel empowered again and in charge.
Only joking it's nothing as sinister, well depending on why you broke up really. That's really the key factor.
My take it's only been three days, let it sink in. The guy probably needs a bit of time to adjust from emotional mess, listening to Harry Nilsson, drunkenly crying to friends about how life can be so cruel to being a functioning boyfriend again. OP the guy has just spent the month in the middle of a hellish break up after three years. Takes more than 3 days for that to disappear.
It very much sounds like you dumped him as he seems to be finding this tougher than you, by the way he chased hard and made himself look like a whiny stalker douche to all your friends. It can take a little while to settle out of that mindset. Take it wast a week or two, see what happens. Seriously, put yourself in his shoes, sounds like he spent a month going out of his mind.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2013): Your boyfriend didn't know you had it in you to breakup with him and actually go no contact. It was agonizing, because he felt powerless. He did everything he could to break your silence. During this time, he was in his head. Thinking about how he pleaded and his ego got bruised. He actually showed how vulnerable and emotional he was. Then he talked to his buddies. Trust me, they gave their two cents. He also listened to his family and people on his side. Naturally, you're the villain; because you broke his wittle heart.Maybe feels just a little embarrassed and vengeful. Perhaps he wants get even for exposing him like you did, by ignoring his pleas and begging. His lack of enthusiasm comes from a bruised ego.When things start going tit for tat, or you sense vindictiveness in your partners actions. You return to no contact and make the final decision whether it's worth returning. But not so fast.I want to add something that you should think about. When he said you would be starting from square one, he was right. When people breakup, the old relationship is dead and gone. If you get back together, that is a new relationship. You are wiping the slate clean, and starting from scratch. He deserves the benefit of the doubt here.You neglected to say why you broke up. Did it have something to do with text messaging and communications?Before we go rough and heavy on your boyfriend, how about you giving us a little more information about what lead up to the breakup? Whether or not he should be happy, may depend on why you broke up in the first place.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (5 December 2013):
 OP if this guy really loved you and genuinely wanted you back, then would certainly not be playing these games with you. He chased you till you caved and now he's withholding affection and he's also come up with the theory that you need to start from "square 1". Going by his square 1 logic, you should apparently ignore your partner! Isn't that the EXACT opposite of what it's supposed to be like? When you start off with a new relationship, you cant get enough of each other!
He got what he wanted; you hurt his ego and he just had to get you back somehow to prove to himself that he could... and he did. And now you're the one who's more into him than he's into you. Mission accomplished.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2013): We broke up because he never spent time with me he was constantly doing the "guy" thing. Square 1 entails that we start talking as if we were complete strangers meeting for the first time. He still wants us to date around until we are sure this is something we both want. It just seemed to me that the reason why he was contacting me he wanted to get back together in the first place. Now its like we have to go through the whole "getting to know each other" dating phase again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 December 2013):
 And did you ask him what "square 1" entails?
Maybe getting back together isn't such a good idea. What made you two break up in the first place?
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