A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:im 25 with 3 children and have been seein a man for 4 years he has kids and a girlfriend,he has been telling me since just before xmas that he loves me and doesnt love her anymore wants to be with me but finds it hard to leave cause of his kids, i recently came back from a holiday which he hated, and while i was away he said its made him realise what he really wants,but as of yet he has done nothing about it. i love him to pieces but dont know what to do with this situation, please help??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (17 July 2007):
 "If" he really loves you, then nothing, and I mean nothing, would come between you two. I say that because IF he really loved and cared about you, all his time would be missing and thinking of nothing but to be with you. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he loves his kids with all his heart, and he should, but even with that, they grow up and move away one day. You mentioned that he has a girlfriend, not wife, that makes it even more stickier...why did he not marry her? Do you think he "just" might not be the "marrying" type maybe? (just something to think about) Do you think he just might not be ready to even settle down yet? You seem very young, and I will "assume" he is as well. So this just makes me think he is just not ready to really commit but only to keep holding on to you for his sake. I am only trying to get you to see all the possibilites, not to say THIS is him, however, with such a small amount to go on, this is what I have concluded.I will wish you well and for your sake pray that this is not the case, because loving someone with all your heart can be hurtful more then anything if they use you. Best of Luck!
A
female
reader, sxcbabiegal +, writes (16 July 2007):
 If you really feel that strongly about this guy then confront him. Don't be afraid to let him know how you feel tell him that if he doesnt leave his girlfriend soon he's going to loose you and if he does then you know he cares if he doesnt then leave him and don't go back ever! tell his girlfriend everything she may be angry at you but if he doesnt care about you or her then your better off without him
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 I think you're playing a rotten game with someones elses partner. Doesn't that strike you as being a little evil minded?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 July 2007):
 Tell him it's all you or nothing and mean it. Force him into a decison otherwise he'll just enjoy the fun of going back and forth between you.
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (16 July 2007):
 I would set him an ultimatum- it's her or you. He either ends things with her or he looses you. It sounds really harsh but you cant let him play you along while he "waits for the right time" or whatever. If he is genuine then he'll pull his finger out and make it so that you can be together.
xxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 this has happened so many times wen affairs start up. he is in the dream position - he has a girlfriend that he shares a life with, and then he has you - who offers him a way to slip out of that life and enjoy another life. if he really does love you then he would be out of there - regardless of the kids, everyday people separate but still have a happy life with their children. talk to him and tell him that its not fair to tell you that he loves you and lead you on and then not deliver on wat he promises. an ultimatim might make him see clearly wat is it that he wants. he cant go on having the best of both worlds - but your letting him. do you see wat i mean? email if you wanna talk more about this good luck hun xxx
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (16 July 2007):
 If you want to find out if he really wants to be with you, then you need to tell him you are no longer prepared to be the other women and you want out of the relationship.
You have no contact with him at all and if he loves you then he will leave her and come to you.
Take care.xx.
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