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He says he isn't cheating, and I want to believe him, but I don't. What do you think?

Tagged as: Cheating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 July 2012) 11 Answers - (Newest, 10 July 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

my boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years, we have always been happy until recently...

i discovered a text on his phone from a girl saying "hey are you missing me, it was good with drinks the other night, u wanna meet wednesday, wat you doing tonight? xxxxx" It said other stuff as well, quite a long text but i cant remember all of it. The girls number was saved on his phone and he had never mentioned her to me. I didnt know this girl. i obviously confronted him about this and he claimed he didnt know who the girl was or how her number came on his phone. i told him to proove it to me by ringing the number and asking who it was. But he just deleted the text and the number. i was so angry and told him to move out. he pleaded with me that he had no clue what the text was about, i wasnt sure whether to believe him or not.

Since then ive been so down and upset, my heads all over the place. My boyfriend contacted me saying he was going to find out how the number got on his phone because he claimed he had no idea. The next day he told me that his work colleague had put the number on his phone as a practical joke. Apparently he claimed that when they were at a wedding party the other day (i didnt go because i already had arrangements) that he had given his work colleague his fone to take pictures and had left it with him. his work colleague had then apparently then secretly added his number to my boyfriends fone and saved his number under a girl's name as a joke. he then sent the text to wind him up.

Even though i want to believe what my boyfriend says, i still have doubts in the back of my mind whether he just made up the story to cover himself. Im now constantly paranoid.

I decided i wanted proof once and for all and asked him to ring up the mobile phone company and ask them to send out the bill with the lists of all the numbers that have text him. I want to see if i can find the number and check if its the same as his work colleagues and then it will put my mind at rest. As soon as i told my boyfriend that, he said he would do it, but then said his work colleague has 2 mobile numbers so he didnt know which he would have used. I started to get angry and thought he always saying excuses. Ive begged him to tell me if it really was a girl texting him, i told him id forgive him if he told me the truth. But he insists that what he is telling me is true.

What do i do? I'm not sure whether to believe him or not. How can i settle this once and for all? I dont know whether i could trust him after this.

View related questions: text, wedding

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A female reader, damn him New Zealand +, writes (10 July 2012):

sory i have heard the best excuses in the world..this is a fail

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (9 July 2012):

It is possible he is telling the truth, however, its not likely he is. You need to make your own decision from there.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (6 July 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI don't believe him either... I agree that if he really had no clue he would have called in front of you

the fact that he deleted it says volumes

I can check my phone logs online btw not having to wait for the phone company to send a bill...

also the fact that he has such a ready answer about the co-worker doing the "trick" sounds fishy.. why would a guy do that? Please...

he's lying IMO...

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (6 July 2012):

Aunty BimBim agony auntHe lied. If he honestly didn't know whose number it was he would have rang it instead of deleting the message and the number.

Stop kidding yourself, you need to get real, and decide if you are going to forgive this episode, if you can live with his excuses or if you deserve better.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012):

"He says he isn't cheating, and I want to believe him, but I don't. What do you think?"

I think you're going get the same advice you didn't want to hear when you posted a day or two ago so you'll keep digging until you uncover more evidence indicating he's cheating but then you'll ignore the obvious and ask him for an explanation and he'll make up some lame BS cover story on the spot and you'll post on Dear Cupid saying you don't know if you should believe him or not and you'll get the same advice you didn't want to hear when you posted a day or two ago . . .

. . .so you'll keep digging until you uncover more evidence indicating he's cheating but then you'll

ignore the obvious and ask him for an explanation and he'll make up some lame BS cover story on the spot and you'll post on Dear Cupid saying you don't know if you should believe him or not and you'll get the same advice you didn't want to hear when you posted a day or two ago . . .

. . . so you'll keep digging until you uncover more evidence indicating he's cheating but then you'll

ignore the obvious and ask him for an explanation and he'll make up some lame BS cover story on the spot and you'll post on Dear Cupid saying you don't know if you should believe him or not and you'll get the same advice you didn't want to hear when you posted a day or two ago . . .

. . . so you'll keep digging until you uncover more evidence indicating he's cheating . . .

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A female reader, oldbag United Kingdom +, writes (6 July 2012):

oldbag agony auntHi

An ex of mine went on his leaving do from job, he came back with a huge love-bite, told me his colleagues had held him down and had done it for a joke..Yea right, relationship over

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012):

Either forgive him or break up with him and move on.

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A female reader, jinxx Canada +, writes (6 July 2012):

jinxx agony auntThe fact that he was so quick to delete the message and the number speaks volumes. If it were a joke his co-worker played on him, or a message from a person he really didn't know... why would he do that?

He is giving you a lot of excuses. He seems to be covering he ass, and that's what I'd assume he was doing if I were in your shoes.

He may be telling you the truth, but I doubt it. I suggest taking anonymous' advice. If that doesn't pan out, I think you know what to do! Best of luck to you, and I'm sorry for the stress.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012):

You don't really need his help except for calling the phone company and getting that girl's number. Just call her and ask if you can meet her. Tell her you're his girlfriend and see what happens.

It doesn't seem like it was a prank, but his excuses are really good.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012):

Have him tell his work colleague that he 'owes' your boyfriend the following favor:

Once you have the bill with the phone number on it...Work colleague must come to a location with you and your boyfriend and bring both of his cell phones. He must call or text YOUR cellphone from the one that has the phone number your boyfriend was supposdly pranked with. You then compare the number that shows up on your phone with the one on the bill.

I can't stress how important it is to have the colleague and his phone present for this. It is the only way you will know for sure.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (6 July 2012):

aunt honesty agony auntIf it was me in your position I would not believe him. If he really was innocent and clueless then he would have rang the number up in front of you put it on loud speaker and asked who it was. He is hiding something here. Why would his work mate do that as a joke? It does not make sense, and if it was a joke surely he would have texted the number back and asked who it was. But he never. Also he then makes an excuse that his work mate has two numbers. I really do not believe for one minute he is being honest with you at all. Get him to request the list off numbers and then if you find the number call it up and ask for confirmation. I could almost guarantee you it will be a girls voice on the other end of the line. I don't think this man is to be trusted I am sorry to say that.

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