A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:After watching a movie with my husband about a very possessive women who was trying to force her bf into marriage and when he wouldn't she went absolutely nuts (funny movie by the way) My Husband looks over at me and says all women want is to get married and most are pushy about it he went on to say I pushed him into it . And made something up about how he said it was so soon to be getting married. Well the truth is that isn't at all what happened. we lived together for a year and he was just as ready as I was. He got down on one knee and asked me. I got my feelings hurt and the more I think about it the more it makes me mad. Do you think I am over reacting? Would this upset you? We are about to have our 6th anniversary and I don't feel like celebrating now.
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (12 January 2014):
Dear OP,
Memories are a weird thing: We mostly remember what is in alignment with our mood. Sad people remember sad things, happy people remember happy things.
Maybe your husband had some minor doubts back then, about whether to ask you to marry him, but he ignored them because all in all, he was sure it was the right thing to do. Maybe - well, likely - he felt a mixture of feelings, like excitement, doubt, insecurities etc. Now all he can remember is the doubts he had, because deep down, he's not sure your marriage is going in the right direction.
And maybe you can't remember if you said something that pushed him, or what could have caused him to feel pushed back then, because it wouldn't have fit with your positive perception of the marriage.
Anyway.. my advice is talk about it and ask him what he meant. How EXACTLY he means you pushed him? And why this is coming up now?
I agree that his comment was tactless. But I don't want to make you any angrier, if the goal is to save your marriage. Understanding is the better way, I'm sure.
And also, if you don't feel like celebrating, don't. What use is it to pretend celebration, when you don't feel like it? You can celebrate when you've sorted this out.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 January 2014):
 SVC, psychologically you're correct. In terms of a divorce, she has the upper hand if she is the one who remains in the domicile. Courts tend to favor the one who remains as the aggrieved party.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (11 January 2014):
 This movie obviously triggered something within him, which his peanut brain of insensitivity could relate too, whereby he felt there was a comparison of sorts, albeit it supposed to be a comedy, not a personal review!?
Had you the wit/humour to reply; “Gees babe I don’t remember a gun being held to your head when you got down on one knee to propose to me, SIX YEARS AGO! But thanks for your sentiments when our Anniversary is coming up soon… I didn’t realise I put you under such pressure (back then). I’m feeling hurt by your comments. Would you care to share anything that’s on your mind about our marriage that this (movie) comedy appears to have triggered?”
I would hope your husband makes up for this blunder BIG TIME and deservedly spoils you on your Anniversary. Hopefully this is nothing more than an insensitive blunder which is worth forgiving him for?
Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 January 2014):
 YouWish that would work if he immediately backs down.
but if he hems and haws and tries to back pedal he may not get the point as clearly.
OP may not have to be gone more than as far as the car in the driveway to make the point....
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 January 2014):
Hmmm. I agree with SVC, but I wouldn't be the one leaving.
I'd talk to him and thank him for his honesty. I'd tell him that I would never trap anyone in a relationship or marriage that they weren't fully wanting to be in. I'd tell him that I'd miss him, but he is free to leave if he meant what he said. If he didn't mean it and it was stress or a mid-life, that you two would need to talk to a counselor, because you have no interest in being with someone who wasn't in the marriage for love and of his own choice.
Then I'd calmly ask him which of his friends or family members he wanted you to call to arrange for the move-out. Then I'd go up and start packing his things for him. It's funny, when the tables are turned on someone who feels pressured or trapped in a marriage suddenly finding the proverbial cage door opened, start scrambling to stay as vehemently as they wanted to get out. If he leaves, then the marriage was in the coffin. If he doesn't, then counselling will help heal the damage. But what can't happen is nothing.
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A
male
reader, NotAnXPert +, writes (10 January 2014):
Oh my goodness!!!! I cannot conceive of leaving over this remark, albeit an insensitive remark. If you left me until I remembered things the way you did, I would be sorely tempted to be sure I NEVER remembered it the way you did.I agree that you need to express to him your hurt by his comment. It is possible he did not mean to say it that way at all or it may in fact be a cry of "foul" over some sleight he perceives you sent his way. Please do talk about it.It does concern me that you are not inclined to celebrate 6 years of marriage because of this unpleasant remark. I hope those 6 years have included far more good times and events than upsetting ones; that is what you are celebrating, not whether he has a spotless record in the sensitivity department. Yeah, right! He's a man -- sensitivity just is NOT our strong suit, dearie. We are in an era of disposable marriage -- if he really did not want you still to be his wife, he could have done it long ago. You are the wife he wants and said something dumb. I hope you both can chuckle of this in 18 or so years.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 January 2014):
 We guys hate to admit that we're "sensitive" enough to want to be married.... since that means that we agree to no longer go drinking, carousing and whoring. ... AND WHAT red-blooded American man wants to admit to that?????
HOWEVER, when it gets down to the "nuts and bolts" of BEING married... some of us finally acquiesce, take our collar with a smile, and go on with life.... (Assuming, of course, that we've found a lady as nice as YOU to spend our time with....)
IF your man REALLY meant something with his dumb remark... then replies such as person and SVC gave are appropriate...
I suggest that you give him just ONE opportunity to take back his asinine comment (You'll be allowing him to "unring" this bell... just ONCE!!!). If he does so, remind him that he now has a demerit on his record.... If he doesn't (recant), then tell him he's an a$$hole and go live with friends....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 January 2014):
Yeah I'd be upset too.
And I would call him on it. I'd leave. I'd say "I don't recall it that way and until you remember it properly we have no marriage" and I'd take my suitcase and go stay with friends.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 January 2014):
 Yes that would upset me a lot too! What an awful thing to say. The only way to interpret it to me is that he's having some kind of regret about settling down and is trying to blame you for it, despite it not being your fault. Maybe he is going through a midlife crisis? I think you definitely need to talk about this more with him.
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