A
female
age
41-50,
*ima Mike
writes:Tonight after a week of agony, me and my partner of 7months split up. I really didn't see this coming and really thought we would get back together. His work commitments and lack of time we spent together was why we split up. I have 2 children from a previous relationship an he respected that and built a relationship with them. We made so many plans for the future together and because of one stupid argument last week he no longer wants to continue the relationship. The argument was about him constantly working and never making time for us. He said it wasn't fair on me and the kids because he worked so much an we spent little time with each other. He said he loved me but had to let me go, so he didn't cause me any more pain!! I'm devasteted.... He was my whole world. I really thought we had a future together. I had to tell my 10 yr old what happened, she was devasteted as the grew close to him she cried for hours. I tried talking to him, but just ignored me. I just can't believe he could do this to me. Just don't know how to carry on.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): If this guy really love you he should make compromise between work and personal life so there's a balance, even if he's in sort of debt. Break up due to spending too much time at work is a poor excuse, he should man up and make a real effort to spending more time with his family ( you and the two kids). If this man is willing to walk away from this relationship then he thinks work is more important than his family. He take you for granted now imagine in 5yrs or 10yrs down the track.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): Hugs to you. I hope you and your children will get through this ok.
I disagree with people who say what he did was ok. He was free to go out 2 nights per week with friends but due to his busy work schedule but he couldn't spend time with you? This shows he didn't put you or your relationship first, if he were really committed to making it work he would have spent one night with you and one with friends. If his work hours are that bad then he wouldn't have two nights per week to go out with friends.
In the long run you are better off without him, but that won't help your pain now or your children's distress over the loss of him also. He did what he thought was best for him and maybe for you but in the process he hurt all of you. Imo 7 months is too long to stay in a relationship in this situation especially if it involves children. If you love someone you expect better from them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): Maybe the relationship just wasn't working and you didn't see that. You mention arguments - whatever they were about, working too hard or whatever, it shows that something was not right. Maybe it was right for him to say it's over no matter how painful it seems, as his take on life was different to yours. Don't over think the reasons for him going - you may never know - but trying to pin down an answer will be impossible. It is sad for your children if they had become attached to him. Don't try and contact him - be strong for the kids - if they see you coping it will be better than seeing you in bits emotionally.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): Hi OP - you wrote about this on the 11th. For those aunts and uncles who may not have seen it, you started with this:
"My bf works a hell of a lot and recently we have hardly seen each other or spent any time together and I've missed him loads. One night he was suppose to come over but said it would depend on what time he got finished..... He has said this on a few occasions and hasn't turned up!! I got pissed off and said right now I feel like forgetting the whole thing as we never see each other. He explained to me that during this time of year he does work a hell of alot and how he told me this at the begining of the relationship. My point was that he can still fit 2 nights a week to socialise with friends but can't make time for me."
You have to let this guy go and move on. He said from the beginning of the relationship that at this time of year he works a hell of a lot (depending on the job he has, that's probably perfectly true). He openly told you this - you can't blame him! By continuing in the relationship you, in effect, told him that would be OK. And if it wasn't OK, then you need to discuss it reasonably - not basically get into an argument where YOU basically said it may as well be over. YOU put the idea into his head that you were fed up with things.
Similarly, he told you he would be over IF it wasn't too late when he finished. It obviously was, so he didn't. That's not unreasonable. You have been together JUST 7 months - you are not living together.
I personally think he did the right thing. His hours were a problem for you. Therefore, he let you go. You weren't compatible. I recently dated a policewoman whose shifts were such that we hardly saw each other. I really liked her but the lack of seeing her frustrated me. Therefore I had to end it for both of us. She's not a workaholic but her hours just aren't, at present, going to make her 'dateable' for anyone who doesn't work similar shifts. That's the way of it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): This isn't about you or your children so do not blame yourself.
This man has done what he thinks is best for you and set you and himself free. If he's working all hours maybe he has debts or wants to ensure he keeps hold of his job in these very uncertain times. If he did move in he would be contributing towards you and the children so maybe the pressure was too much.
I don't think 7 months is a long relationship,its in the honeymoon period still, so perhaps having to work all hours,make time for you and time for himself and his leisure/chill out time was just too much.
Be strong for you and the children, focus on having a great christmas for them and yourself then take a day at a time. He may re-think he may not, but your life goes on and you will get over him.
Good luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): The OPEN Header to this POST SCREAMS OUT EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE!!Working so much- WORKAHOLIC?http://www.workaholics-anonymous.org/page.php?page=characteristicsI am thinking the BF may be a Workaholic and ONLY Admitting to it and seeking counselling will help him.In ways, he shares a lot of traits with A Narcissist in that, the Narcissist only thinks of himself and doesn't care about anothers happiness. So the reason why he can turn so cold and shut you out. To him, work is his DRUG.It has nothing to do with you or your children.Please seek counselling to work through your grieving and please take your children to a counsellor as well to combat abandonment issues. Giving your children coping skills NOW will stop the cycle of abuse. Help them work out the pain in a healthy, safe way.Stand strong and do your Duty to your children and yourself.Time does in fact heal all wounds.Also seeking knowledge to better understand the WHY of it all as well as AVOIDING workaholics down the road- to protect your and your family.*hugs*Normally most of workaholics found in confused state of mind and many people work in a compulsive way. They cannot change their poor working habits. Their social and personal relationships are deeply affected by the lack of time. They often suffer from headaches, allergies, tiredness, indigestion, stomachaches, ulcers, chest pains, dizziness. They easily get angry or agitated, suffer from insomnia and from memory blanks, have short attention spans, cannot relax and have mood swings. ~http://www.charminghealth.com/applicability/workaholism.htm
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