A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My question is quite a short one, and I’d love to hear lots of opinions on this – since I have been with my bf I have always felt that he likes to be with his friends and not me NYE. We tend to spend Xmas together and although last year we were together NYE, I felt that he wanted to be with his mates. Is this okay?I kind of feel it is a little immature and ‘boyish’ but then maybe that is just him? we do love eachother an don’t cheat. Maybe I should just accept that with him NYE is going to be one of those nights when I need to make other plans? Is should I dump him?! this year we are going out for a meal and then he wants to go out with his friends for a few hours. He has a very stressful job and I think its his way of letting loose. He is very stubborn and there is no way he will compromise. Thing is , I don’t like these friends anyway so I don’t actually want to be there. What do you all think? Big deal or not?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 December 2011):
 While i do agree with CindyCares and Chigirl I have to admit that for ME it would be a deal breaker....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): Ok. I’m the OP. I havnt told the whole truth. We are kind of ‘on a break’ having some space whatever you want to call it. I was originally invited to go out with his friends and their gf’s but now with the way things are he says he would rather go on his own, after having a nice meal out with me. He says that he will be uncomfortable us going together now as the friends know we have been having difficulty. He says he does not want them to feel uncomfortable either. I feel very rejected by this as I feel his friends feelings are currently more important than mine. I need to mention that in the past I have drunk too much on nights out and I can become irrational, aggressive, jealous, insecure and weepy. Not attractive and understandable he does not want this to happen again. I have however stopped drinking but only for the last two days so I don’t think he trusts me much at the moment. I don’t like the two male friends – one is cheating on his gf with two different girls, my bf told me, and now that I know that I feel uncomfortable being around them as a couple and pretending to have a nice time. This particular friend doesn’t really like me either. My bf arranged this without asking me, and this annoys me, he makes the arrangement for us to go out with this couple without asking me! I have told him if we are together next year then I will decide where we go. Now that he doesn’t want me there I kinda feel I want to go – I guess I feel rejected and I’m also insecure that now we are taking some space he will meet someone else on NYE. He have discussed this and he says he is not looking for anyone else or to have sex with anyone. I am worried that he wants to go out and flirt though. he tells me he has never been unfaithful to me and I am inclined to believe him.It’s very complicated the break, I don’t have the time to go in to detail. What do you think now I have added this? to be honest, as I am not drinking, I will probably go home after the meal. They will be just getting drunk and I don’t know if the gfs will be hanging about and maybe the guys will go off on their own somewhere? He is on a night shift the next day so I don’t suppose he’ll stay out too late?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 December 2011):
 If you have been officially and honestly invited to come with, but don't want to because you don't like the friends, then this is what you need to think about: Is it ok for a person in a relationship to want to hang out with friends, on special occasions, where the partner has been invited to join? Is his wish to be with his friends acceptable?
If it is, and I think it is acceptable, you need to ask yourself this: Are you feeling off about the situation because he is being a horrible boyfriend, or because you would rather have things your way and feel disappointed when you can't have them your way? Then next question is: are you justified in wanting things to be your way, and isn't he just as justified in wanting things his way too?
You talk about him not wanting to compromise, but what compromises are you offering? It sounds like even if you were to come along you wouldn't want to, so that leaves no room for compromise as a compromise would be for you to come along.
Is the relationship not worth it unless you get to spend NYE with him every year? That's the last and final question you need to ask yourself.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 December 2011):
 Small to medium deal according to age and circumstances.
Is he in your same age range and still NYE is not really NYE if he does not get to spend it " with the lads " being loud, acting silly and getting totally wasted ? Yes, juvenile , and worth a big eye roll :).
Or does seeing his friends means mixed company , his mates with their gfs too, at somebody's place or in somewhere sort of civilized where one can do other stuff beyond getting pissed drunk, you know , like eating, socializing, having good convos ,playing cards, watching movies or whatnot ?... Then ,why don't you go too ? I got it, you don't like the people, but , it's all about compromise. You bf showed willingness to compromise by taking you out for a meal and probably ( I just suppose, but it makes sense ) ringing in the New Year with you before joining his friends, you can compromise by mingling with them for a few hours even if normally they are not your kind of people. If you really get too bored or tired, , you can always call a cab and go home on your own .
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): I always think NYE is a bit over rated with false fun going on!
However I think your fella has made a good compramise, he's seeing you first, going for a meal, then out with his friends.
Maybe they 'let go' when all together, have a good laugh and behave badly...perhaps he thinks he would have to restrain his antics if you were there? Not in a bad way,just watch his P's n Q's - and he doesn't want to.
Make your own plans for later and both have a great night you can have a laugh about next day
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): Not really a big deal at all. In a relationship you are still entitled to be your own person. He is still with you having a meal and then wants to see his friends after, that is fair. It might be that they have always spent NYE as a group. You say you don't like them but maybe that is because you see them as taking him away from you? If you give them a chance you might see a side to them that he sees and get along. If his friends have girlfriends that they have accompany them it is a good chance to meet them and get to know them too.
If you really cannot stand his friends for a certain reason then use him going out with his mates as an opportunity for you to spend time with your friends. At least then you are out enjoying yourself too.
Hope you have a lovely new year x
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 December 2011):
 If'n I were you, and my "B/F" treated me as you describe, then I would decide - then and there - that he prefers his mates to me..... Important? YOU BET!!!
'Cuz I also read in your submittal that you are willing to justify his behaviour ("...He has a very stressful job...", and "...He is very stubborn and there is no way he will compromise..."). If and as you stay with him, I predict that this will morph in to a very one-sided affair... with HIM on the receiving end, and YOU doing all the emotional heavy-lifting....
Take this NYE to ponder what is REALLY going on between the two of you, and decide if you really want to be second-fiddle in this guy's life...
You can do better. Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): Make plans with others i would say. You had christmas together and to me personally that is a more important day x
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): Wasn't this question asked the other day? Only it's worded differently. You are both going to dinner together, and the he wants to go out with his friends for a few hours, that sounds like a compromise to me. If he wasn't seeing you at all, then maybe it would be different. You don't like his friends, and don't want to be there, so don't go let him go see his friends by himself and don't make a big deal about it! Let's be honest the issue is you don't like his friends and you really want him to chose between you and them, and you want him to chose you. In my experience if you try to make someone chose between you and their friends, it creates resentment somewhere along the line. It's only New Year's Eve, it's not your anniversary, or valentine's day or any other important day like that, so don;t make it a big deal, and let him spend time with his friends whether you like them or not. I know this isn't the answer you want to hear, but it's the truth, and if your willing to throw away a good relationship and love because he wants to spend some time on NYE with his friends, that's immature!
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