A
female
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anonymous
writes:for the last year i have been in the relationship from hell. i love him dearly and at times i really thought he was the one (cliched though that is) but i have to admit he is not a good guy, i recently found out he has been seeing someone else for the full year i have been with him, he swears blind he loves me and doesnt want her but he has had sex with other girls, he doesnt care about my feelings or wellbeing - all he cares about is himself. when my father passed away last december, all he could say was "i'll come over and take your mind off it" ie your dads dead, lets have sex. he lies about EVERYTHING, and he tells people i mean nothing to him and that he only stays with me or speaks to me because he feels sorry for me.he is an asshole.so why the hell cant i get over him? i've tried so hard to let go and forget him but i cant go any longer than a day without texting him. i miss him so much. i have had my heart broken before and it was broken badly. it took me years to get over it and i lost almost 2 stone in weight, i couldnt eat or sleep i could do nothing but cry all day and all night. and i am so so afraid of that returning. it was hell on earth. looking back on that experience i really should have seen a doctor because i was severely depressed, but the thought of feeling that low again makes me feel sick. but this relationship is over.i dont actually know what i am asking here. i think it is, how can i forget him? is there ANYTHING i can do to get over him without going through the torture of a broken heart? because i dont think i could go through that pain again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): been there too hun. married to a loser, 2 kids, thought it was love, only to find out he'd been cheating for years with lots of women, and a couple of men!!! the sad answer is, time. that's the only real answer. i did go to a counselling session, she asked what i wanted out of it, and i basically spent an hour telling her all the crap he'd put me through. that was the most valuable hour of my life till then- until then i thought i'd wanted him back, but telling someone else all that embarrassing, hurtful, humiliating stuff, really helped.
maybe writing your question on here helped, try talking to friends, or write it down. but there is no short cut.
you will find someone worthwhile eventually. but only when you're ready. good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): I've just literally been through the same thing. I was with my boyfriend for 3 years and only found out recently that h'es had another girlfriend for the last 5 months.
I'm in the same dilemma. He wants me back and has said he's has now finished with the other woman, but he's lied to me up until now, so how can I trust him ever again? I'm hurting probably just as much right now and although I want to get back with him, I don't think I can do that to myself.
They do say time is a great healer.
Take care
Bx
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (20 August 2007):
 Get rid of this nasty waste of space !!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): Ironically, I was just talking to a dear friend today about the very same issue. I think the other writer here said that you love the idea of a person not them. There are many smart, beautiful, together women that should feel okay about themselves who are with men who aren't worthy to even tie their shoes. It is a strange phenomena to see how much emotional abuse women will tolerate in the name of love.
I can assure you that some day down the road you are going to look at this longing and melancholy and wonder what sort of temporary insanity afflicted you. You will wonder why you put up with 5 minutes of it. When I think of the one I left, after all the years of endless games, I cringe and am appalled at him and marvel that I ever felt anything.
It is the game playing that is so vexing. Life will get better, the feelings of loss will go. It helps if you have something wonderful to do with your time, like going back to school or some other sort of improvement project. Getting busy making a good life for myself helped
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A
female
reader, Karen - Louise  +, writes (20 August 2007):
 Dear anonymous,
I liked how you started your question. You said "Ive been in the relationship from hell." that basically tells me that you KNOW this relationship isnt the one for you. This tells me that you have admitted there was a problem and you are now trying to get over it. You also say he's an asshole, which is good :P. But the cold hard truth is that getting over someone, regardless of how they treated you, is hard. It takes time, and tears, and pain, and thats all inevidable. However how you handle it, is all up to you. Write him a letter asking every question you ever wanted to know the answers to, yell and scream and snap a few pencils, and then rip it up. getting your thoughts and feelings out on paper will help. Or, if your an athletic sort of person, go for a run every morning as excersize can trigger happy endorphins through out the body.
Remember, its up to YOU on how to deal with this pain. I know its hard, but eventually, you will move on, of that I am sure. And the next guy you date, who will be funny and sweet and caring, will be mighty glad you did!
Love,
Karen - Louise
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (20 August 2007):
I know you feel. I recently got out of a emotionally abusive relationship and its really hard letting go of the person despite how badly they treated you!
For me it was that I wasnt in love with him, I was just in love with the ideal him. I assume your bf did treat you well sometmes? He made you feel loved at times? There must of been a few things that made you like him in the first place? Those are the things you are probably holding onto. Since you have seen the 'good him', its hard to let go because you kind of have hope that he could still be that person, despite that was probably jsut all an act.
What I found to really help get over someone who treated you badly is to talk to a counsellor. They can really help. I dont know if you would be the same, but I do know many people who come from bad relationships where they were abused or treated badly often have really low self esteem and depended on their bf/gf to make them feel loved and good about themselves- which is one of the main reaosns it makes it soooo hard to get over them. You feel you need to have contact with them so you feel needed and cared for I guess. So my advice to you is to seeking counselling. They can look at in depth the reasons why you are feeling like this and help make sure that you don't get into such a bad relationship again.
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