A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello guys. It's been a long time since I last posted a question on here, but I've been drawn back to this website as I am currently obsessing over a man who hurt me around 2.5 years ago. Basically, I got into a reflective discussion with my best friend a few days ago. We were talking about the 'old times' and about men we have each been involved with. There was a particular man who was in my life for about one year, and I was absolutely head over heals for this guy. We clicked incredibly well; he was my soul mate and I believed that we would spend the rest of our lives together. Unfortunately he betrayed my trust, to which I cut all contact with him and he never even bothered to give me an apology, explanation or anything that would offer any comfort or closure. Although, that could be something to do with the email I sent him which ended with "do not ever contact me again..." lol. However, I secretly wanted him to reply; just give me some answers or to reassurance that he at least had some feelings for me at one point, and wasn't leading me on the whole time. Anyways, this all happened over two years ago. Since the discussion with my friend though, I cannot stop thinking about him. I felt my face light up as I were talking about him and I couldn't help but smile about the way he used to make me feel. I have found myself reading through our old Facebook messages and I literally 'laughed out loud' at some of our conversations. Like I said before, we got on so well and had an incredible connection. I am certain he must have felt it too - before he started drifting from me, that is. When I was at the gym yesterday I was in a world of my own and began fantasizing about what would happen if we were to meet and how each of us would react to one another. I am aware that all this probably sounds rather silly. I have moved on since this man (well, at least I thought I had) and am in a long-term relationship with my loving boyfriend. My boyfriend is loyal, consistent and really makes me happy. He isn't perfect but he ticks all the right boxes and I am very lucky to have met someone like him. I just don't understand why I cannot get this other guy off my mind. It was a long time ago, but it still hurts. I know I will never get the closure I so desperately needed at the time. Had he only explained himself to me and let me down gently, then perhaps I wouldn't be feeling this way right now. Mine and his relationship was so real, and I still cannot comprehend what went wrong. One moment he was telling me how much he loves me, then the next I found out he was in a relationship with somebody else. It broke my heart. I'm not sure what to do about this situation. I'm guessing these thoughts will subside shortly and it is probably just a phase I am going through. I just want to get him out of my head because he is no longer part of my life, and he will never be again. Any advice would be greatly appreciated :) Thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2014): "We clicked incredibly well; he was my soul mate and I believed that we would spend the rest of our lives together."
If people would just cut this stuff about "soul-mates" and "only one's" out of their vocabulary; they could move on and enjoy new relationships. No one is your soul-mate. There is no such thing. That is a greeting-card, romance-novel, media-created crock of bull!
There is no "only one." You may have many people who will be a part of your life; and may offer you good and bad things over the span of your lifetime. You have implanted a lot of nonsense in your brain; then relapsed after you sat and reminisced about only the "good-stuff" in the past with your ex. You opened a wound, now it's slowly bleeding again.
Yes, the thoughts will subside. It's only human to remember good experiences that occur in our lives. Then there are relationships that have ended that must go to the "failed relationship burial-ground." There they are laid to rest; and must remain there to rest in peace. We move on, and move forward.
In time, there will a person you'll meet in your life; who will surpass all others you've ever met. Stop worrying about it lasting forever. You should be more concerned about the quality of the relationship as it exists in the present. Unforeseen things happen in the future. We should appreciate the good we have today and stop being greedy.
NOTHING LASTS FOREVER!!! There is no fairytale "happily ever-after." There is a good as it gets, and it gets even better. That's the reality of love and life.
Love sucks and its good. It lasts for a long-time, and sometimes it is cut short. It's the experience of it, and the capacity to do it that really counts, my dear.
Relationships have ups and downs. They hit snags. There are obstacles and challenges that stress them; and help them to grow stronger. That's where you put your mind and energies.
Your "ex" is now an "X." There is another man in your life who should fill all those empty spaces your ex left behind. If he doesn't, then the poor guy may be with the wrong woman. One of those people in his life that may just be passing through, until something better comes along.
Think about that. Maybe it will get your ex out of mind a little faster.
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