A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I ended a two year relationship within the last six months. I feel like I've finally accepted what our relationship was and why it didn't work and feel like I'm able to move on. About two months ago, I met someone and we had the time of our lives. I couldn't believe how happy the two of us were when we were together. Our communication was incredibly special and it was so easy being ourselves when we were together. We both knew it was going to come to an end because he was going to be moving out of the country for a year. He's been gone for a month now and for whatever reason, we've decided to be "in a relationship." So far, it's been pretty neutral. It's certainly not my favorite thing but it's still fun facetiming him and whatnot. The last few weeks I've just been thinking that's I'm not sure wether it's worth investing the time or not. He will be back in a year and he's visiting in two weeks. When we facetime, it's so much harder to recognize each other's pace. I'm usually at the end of my day and he's just getting started. I am still in school and easily stressed out because of it. I obviously don't take it out on him but at the end of the day, it's so hard to be attentive to him. He is very independent and so am I so it's not like he doesn't understand. But I'm not sure I want to waste his time or mine....? If that makes sense. I know how much fun we have together and what we're capable of and I know at this time in my life it's just really hard to be present in the relationship. I'm not necessarily looking to terminate the relationship, but I also know that we aren't experiencing the realness of a relationship either. I am hoping you can offer suggestions on how to talk to him about this while he visits in the next few weeks. He'll be here for 2.5 weeks and then we probably wouldn't see each other for at least six months. ADVICE PLEASE.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2014): Yeah, I can't do long distance either. I need that physical connection to maintain the emotional bond, not just intimacy in terms of sex but to just be with a person in person.
My motivation just disappears and talking online, on the phone etc. just gets mundane.
There's nothing to suggest to you, OP, because at the moment you have nothing concrete you want to say. Besides your annoyance at not being able to see him regularly will all disappear in a lovely couple of weeks of romance and stuff.
Just see how it goes. The time he comes back you'll figure things out, there's no point in talking to him about something you haven't yet figured out yourself.
Those two weeks will be the real eye opener, you'll either get lost in whirlwind couple of weeks of romance or the doubts you have will niggle at you and make themselves properly know to you. By the end of that fortnight you'll know whether this is something you can keep going in.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (26 April 2014):
 I would play it by ear. See how your visit with him goes, and if it's awesome, then maybe another six months will seem worth it to you. Or maybe it won't. But I would want to see how the visit went first before I made that decision.
Personally, I can't do long distance. I know that about myself. At least not like this kind of long distance. It's one thing to have a solid foundation to fall back on when you become long distance. For example, having been together for a year or so and then one person moves away for a while. However, beginning a relationship and it instantly becomming long distance would be too much for me, personally.
My two cents would be to end things for now, and if he comes back into living locally at the end of the year, and you two still have an attraction to each other and are both still single, then pick back up and start seeing him. But being so far away and it being so new just seems like way too much. You just simply don't know him.
Do whatever makes you happy. That's just my take on it.
Good luck.
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