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He hasn’t initiated a date and I’m wondering if I’m being played!

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 May 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 18 May 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hello everyone!

So I’ve been on a few dates with this guy, who I really like! He’s a mutual friend, but I don’t know much about him.

The first date was good, we had plenty to talk about but we were trying to impress each other quite a lot but it went well and he ended up staying over (we didn’t sleep together) just slept in the same bed, lots of kissing ect he wanted more but I said no…

I initiated the second date as I had tickets for a band, this date I felt was great. We were much more relaxed with each other talking more, kissing. We went to see the band then went to another pub after where we talked more and he told me that he likes me and he’s told all of his friends about me and how do I feel, I told him the same. We had had quite a few drinks by this point but it was lovely and then we went home to our separate homes.

We’ve been texting each other here and there but he hasn’t initiated another date even though when we were last out I suggested Friday maybe and he agreed but he hasn’t mentioned it again…

It has only been two days, but I would have thought he might suggest something? Am I being played?

View related questions: kissing, text

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A female reader, femmenoir Australia +, writes (18 May 2018):

femmenoir agony auntForgive me, however, you are coming across as a bit "paranoid" and "desperate".

Desperate to hear from this guy and a guy you've only dated twice!

It sounds as though you are now living much of your daily life, revolving around HIS and this is not healthy.

Even within a long standing relationship, the two people require some time apart and will not always be together ongoingly.

In the beginning of any new relationship, you simply "take your time", because if you don't, you could both end up pushing each other away, rather than growing closer.

Rule number one: Rushing into sex is the biggest mistake, so take time in that dept.

I am obviously female, but what i have learnt about men, is that they don't like "clingy, possessive or pushy" women.

I'm not saying that you are specifically, however, the way you're behaving, may come across this way to him, so be careful about the way in which you approach this new connection.

For now, stop worrying about him and his next move.

If he truly likes you and is truly sincere about seeing you again, then guess what?

You WILL NOT have to do any pursuing/chasing/ringing/texting, etc;.

Just give him the space he requires and if/when he's ready to reconnect with you, he will.

It really is that simple.

If he doesn't make the effort to reconnect, then you've got your answer and you can move forward with no regrets.

It really isn't a huge problem, but it's easy to turn it into one, because you obviously like him and want to keep seeing him.

Again, it's only worthy, if he also feels the same way about you.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (18 May 2018):

N91 agony auntI’m pretty sure you asked a question not so long ago in regards to going to see the band.

You really need to relax. YOU are the one who’s going to sabotage the situation if you carry on. You still seem as uptight as you did in your last question and we can see now that the date went ahead.

Relax, let him take the lead for a bit and if he doesn’t then so be it. You barely know each other still so you can’t be too upset if it goes tits up. You really shouldn’t be thinking this deeply so early, if something happens it happens, if not, move on.

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A male reader, Code Warrior United States + , writes (18 May 2018):

Code Warrior agony auntAre you being played? Who knows? Maybe, maybe not. I agree with Honeypie that you need to back off a little. It's only been 2 dates. Relax and keep your options open. If he calls, he calls and you can do something together. If he doesn't call then do something with someone else. No big deal.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (17 May 2018):

Honeypie agony auntIf he initiated the first date, you the second and you even suggested to do something for a 3rd date, I'd say the BALL is in his court.

I's give him a couple of days to figure something out, but I would NOT WAIT for him decide he wants to see you again. As in I'd make plans with family and friends for the weekend (if you usually do stuff on the weekend) and be a bit less available.

I don't think you are being played, but it just doesn't seem like he is as keen as you are. Or he doesn't want to see too keen or pushy. Which is why I would pull back a little. If he is as KEEN as he SAYS he is - he will pick up the slack. If he isn't... it will probably run out in the sand real quick.

Just relax. But set dome time-limit as to how long you are willing to "just" talk to him and not meet up.

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