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Should I keep in touch and message him from time to time? Or leave it to him? And how long are we on hold for?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Faded love, Family, Health, Social Media, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 May 2018) 5 Answers - (Newest, 21 May 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *isslilithblack666 writes:

i met someone in february at a friends party and we hit it off immediately, only he suffers from mental health issues because of a past abusive relationship anyway recently my mum had a go at him through Facebook for going to see his friend instead of spending time with me or asking if i wanted to go, after i had made arrangements to see my friends and now his asked to put the relationship on hold for awhile as he feels awkward which as also made me feel awkward, he says his mental health is acting up, i don't know what i should do as this is my first ever relationship and i really do like him, should i keep in touch and occasionally message him or leave him until he gets in touch with me? and how long are we on hold for? i don't want to seem impatient but i don't want to end up waiting months or as this ruined my relationship?

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A female reader, ALM12 United States +, writes (21 May 2018):

ALM12 agony auntYes I agree with femmenoir. Let him take care of him self first. From personal experience dealing with a guy with mental health issues is no joke. Especially when he’s in the process of getting better.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (18 May 2018):

N91 agony auntI’d give this one up.

If you’re arguing at the early stage it’s not meant to be. Tell mum to keep her nose out in future, you’re not a baby.

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A female reader, DancerGirl1984 United Kingdom +, writes (18 May 2018):

Your mum should not be interfering in your relationship. I can understand why he feels awkward. You do not seem to see that your mum behaved inappropriately.

If this has happened in the early part of the relationship then I'm afraid it's not recoverable. Wish him well and move on.

In future, tell your mum to keep her nose out of your relationships and do not involve her in your problems.

Good luck.

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A female reader, femmenoir Australia +, writes (18 May 2018):

femmenoir agony auntI hear that you really like this guy, however, he is dealing with a mental health issue and really, he should be taking care of "himself" before he can engage in a healthy/stable relationship with "you".

I am not being discriminatory here, but it's true.

H must first deal with his own issues, before he can deal with you and having a relationship with you.

Also, why is your Mother interfering?

With all due respect, you are in your 20s, not early to late teens.

You're old enough and wise enough to make your own decisions by now.

I'm gathering that your bf is finding it way too difficult/stressful, to handle your Mum's "aggressive" comments, plus his own mental health issues.

You may want to remain in contact and remain supportive, even if from afar, but i would advise you, to NOT bother him whatsoever, as he has asked for specific "space".

If/when this guy is ready to come back to you (if he decides to) then he will and you won't have to do anything.

Men who "are" interested, "always" come back and men who "aren't" "don't".

It's very simple.

Just be patient, get on with your own life and engage in your own activities, not waiting by the phone or computer, hoping he will make contact.

He may, he may not, so don't be too hung up on that, as hard as that may be for you to do.

In the end, we cannot force anybody to be with us, no matter how much we like them, bec they too, must like us, otherwise what's the point/purpose?

Just know, that whatever the outcome, you will be fine, so too, this guy.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (17 May 2018):

Honeypie agony auntWHY is you mom getting involved in your relationship?

No, I think you should leave him and and I think you should set some boundaries with your mom.

You have only known him 3 months and he ALREADY needs a break from the relationships... It shouldn't BE this difficult this early on.

If I were you I'd let him go his own way. So HE can work on his mental health issues and YOU can move on to someone who is a better fit for you.

Wish him well and BLOCK all contact. Then work on moving on.

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