A
female
age
41-50,
*ovingshook
writes:I'm dating my polar opposite. He's swedish, I'm american, he's 62, I'm 30, he's an engineer and I'm an artist that can't seem to hold a job. He's been married for going on 40 years which isn't quite as bad as it sounds as they've been seperated for 20 years, living on different continents. His children are all grown and have children of their own.We love each other tremendously and have a great fire for one another. A future is possible, on that we both agree, but he is unsure of divorcing not only his wife, but also his family. Can't say I blame him.Meanwhile, I'm just a wreck over the whole thing. My question is this (and I feel silly asking it): Should I let my faith in us carry me on until I recognize a definite end or should I start to get out before I really get crushed?
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female
reader, lovingshook +, writes (14 September 2009):
lovingshook is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Softtouch and Busy: Thank you both so much for taking the time to reply to my mess. You both made really good points and gave me more to think about. Sometimes it's so nice to get an outside opinion and I can't thank you enough for yours.
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (10 September 2009):
 I would have to say you need to look into your heart and determine what it is that you truly want for your life.
The man you're attracted to is twice your age. He has a long family history with his estranged wife. I am guessing that a divorce for him is not an emotional ordeal, but his children may be the ones who may object. But seeing how they are now adults or so it seems; it wouldn't be a problem for him to get a divorce.
The real issue in my mind is whether this attraction would be long-lived. How deeply are you committed to being in a relationship with him. Polar opposites such as you described are not polar at all. If he's an engineer, he's creative in how he solves problems. If you're an artist, you're creative in how you express your art.
If you see a future, then there's nothing wrong with continuing on with him.
I am not sure what else anyone can say here. A definite end to me is death. Anything else is an end created by the people in the relationship.
Again, its very hard to say. Really its your heart that guides you on these matters. That is the first place you must look.
I think if you're patient, and discuss this with him, then you two have a chance. I am not sure how divorcing his estranged wife would end up in him divorcing his family. If his children love him, they won't mind if he finds true love again.
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A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (10 September 2009):
 Get out!
Honey, your faith in something like this will get you hurt deeply. If it's been 20 years, 20 whole years and he is still "unsure" at this time in his life, then he will never know, nor will he really end it. And to me, it looks as if he doesn't want to. I know there may be more to the story but the fact is, that right now you should not let him string you along in his "indecisiveness". You are still young & full of life and believe me, there is someone else out there for you, without the extra weight.
Do better for yourself, you deserve it!
Best wishes!
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