A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:About 3 months ago my boyfriend and I broke up because I felt that he wasn't as affectionate anymore, more importantly that he had started initiating contact with his ex- girlfriend. I still miss him after 2 months, so I made a move and we got back together 3 weeks ago. However I have just found out that immediately after our breakup, my boyfriend and his ex were exchanging very flirty text messages and Facebook/Skype everyday!! He even made a trip to visit her ( she is in another city). After, we got back together, he ended whatever was going on with her ( as i understood from his texts, yes, I checked his phone). I am infuriated. He was with her when we met, and broke up with her because of the long distance and also that he was attracted to me. Now he is doing this again??? I seriously don't know what to do now, he is a jerk but I still love him.
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broke up, facebook, flirt, got back together, his ex, long distance, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2013): Thanks for the answers, just to clarify, I did not actually break up with him. We broke up due to a fight after I found out about him suddenly texting and Skype with his ex. Before getting back together , I asked him if there was anyone else and he denied it. But looking at his texts, he and his ex are clearly getting back or if not already together. They were talking daily like the day of our breakup. Also, before getting back with him, I knew he went out of town ( I didn't know it was to see her) and he lied about it telling me he was visiting his old roommate! I just don't understand why is he with me now. Seems like they had a closer relationship than us before and things are looking good for them now. The texts are very intimate and he said that he misses her and he hates expressing emotions. I mean what is going on? Is he trying to two- time us but it seems that he immediately stopped contacting her and his last text was am sorry.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 September 2013):
 ok i'm confused (as usual)
you met a man who was in an LDR... he ended the LDR and you guys got together (I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that he was cheating)
then you broke up because he was not affectionate enough (your first reason) and you toss in that he was contacting his ex for backup...so that we find your reason for breaking up justified.
you could have talked to him about the lack of affection and the fact that you don't want him contacting his ex and tried to work it out... instead you BROKE UP WITH HIM.
ONCE you are NOT his gf you have NO say in what he does or WHO he does it with.
had you not gone crawling back to him after 2 months of not finding anything better out there (yes I'm being HARSH on purpose) you would have never known he had contacted her.
HE forgave you for breaking up with him and is GIVING YOU A SECOND CHANCE TO BREAK HIS HEART YET AGAIN... and all you can do is complain about what he did when he was not your bf?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (17 September 2013):
In his defense, he was probably a little heart broken when you dumped him and, as they say, nothing helps you get over someone like getting under someone else."
I'm not suggesting he slept with her, but he was hurt I'm sure.
What you really need to address is why he was contacting her while you were together. If you don't it will happen again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2013): In your case, you've met your karma. Are you enjoying your daytime talk-show drama?
You were cheating with him while he was still with his ex. He left her for you. Not really, that's what he told you. She is exacting her revenge on you. Now you're two fools fighting over a "player." There is no winner.
Yes, he's a cheating skirt-chasing player. He finds you both easy targets. All he has to do, is dangle his dick in front of you. He charms you with sex, and talks a pile of bullsh*t. You both go for the bait. He wasted no time going back to her. She's used to him straying anyaway.
He isn't committed to either of you. He knows he has a backup, either way. You're not as crazy about him, as you are engaged in competition for him. There is nothing that crushes the ego more than to lose your boyfriend to another girl, or guy. Now it's your motivation to win him back. Just because.
You had your time to play with the player. Now it is time to move on, and break the triangle. Let her have him. She won't want him back for keeps; once she knows she has ruined it, and ended it between you.
She had him first. She knows him better. He'll be cheating again before you know it. He never loses. It will catchup with him. The player will get played. His heart will be broken when he has truly thought he has met "the one." It isn't you, nor her. You're both only playthings.
Pick up your dignity. You don't want her sloppy seconds, and you should have more pride than to spend your prime years chasing recycled boyfriends.
Stay away from guys who already have girlfriends, or fresh from a breakup. Unless you just enjoy the drama of home-wrecking and fighting over men. Then you'll never find anyone true to you. Just a series of flash relationships with very little meaning.
Reform and have more respect for yourself.
Don't look back in regret someday when you're older, and realize you've wasted your time. Don't you think you deserve something better? If you don't, maybe that's why you're settling for some low-life player.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2013): Look, maybe he still has feelings for her. But if he has stop contacting her since you're back together stop dwelling on it. The past is the past. Leave it there, it's just going to cause problems in your future if you don't!This should become a concern if he does it again, but as of right now. Let it go, you're looking for a fight and it's not worth it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2013): "I am infuriated."Why? Because he immediately took advantage of the freedom YOU gave him when YOU dumped him?I'm guessing that you think he should have been regretting not doing enough to remain your boyfriend and realizing the reason you dumped him was so he'd realize what he had lost and immediately begin changing into the person you want him to be.Boyfriend did nothing wrong. YOU dumped him and then YOU made the move to get back together, so he is not accountable to you in the least for one second of his activities during the interim, yet YOU have the nerve to check up on him?"he is a jerk but I still love him."What a smug, high-hatted, condescending attitude. I can think of a colorful four-letter word to describe you based on this post and it's not "jerk."
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