A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a charismatic quite popular guy on a night out when I was a bit drunk I'm 23 and hes 27. I’m always louder and more confident when I’ve been drinking and we hit it off. He asked me to meet up again and we got on really well, although he mentioned that he hates shy people and hates his own family.We went out together a few times after this but sometimes he acted as if he didn’t like my personality and quietness, but contradicted himself sending me a valentines card that said you're perfect and telling me that he really liked me even though he knew I was shy. I didn’t initiate many calls or texts because I wanted to be sure he liked me.When I went to stay with him again it was a bit awkward because of me and afterwards we both stopped contacting each other. After a month he messaged me to ask why I didn’t speak to him anymore. I asked did you want me to speak to you? And he said yes I did.After a while I decided to message him again as I thought what have I got to lose if he doesnt like me he wont reply?He did reply and we texted most days and spoke on the phone, he was really nice. We bumped into each other once and he was nervous around me and said he wished I could stay longer on the train with him. At that time he seemed very guenuine and I think Im quite good at telling if someone is lying to me over a 20 minute period.Over the next few months he kept messaging me saying really nice things, asked me to meet up but then he cancelled at the last minute. He started making more and more sarcastic comments but always wanted to speak to me. I was really aware of this so didnt initiate anything but he carried on messaging every day. A couple of weeks ago me mentioned that he thought he was a sociopath, as in he doesnt care about hurting other people, but I didnt realise what he meant at the time.Over christmas he seemed to be even nastier he said hed got his family no christmas presents this year and there was no fun to be had at home.Then after asking to meet up and cancelling when he had nothing else going on I called him up on if he actually liked me, he said he did like me and it would be silly asking to meet with someone you didnt like. And he said I can go visit him (as hes moving abroad shortly.) Literally 2 minutes later I said you dont mean it though and he said hmm all the best.I guess I know the answer that he just wanted to hurt me but I thought if someone wasnt interested they just ignored you? Did I do something really that bad to him to deserve that? I never would have been interested if he didnt do all the chasing and initiating and reassuring me that he did like me on numerous times. I was confident that he liked me when we bumped into each other in person and I dont understand what happened after that? It felt as though he was trying to act up to being a sociopath as if he had googled the characteristics and wanted to live up to them, and he had talked about how he thought he was a narcissist before. I was just wondering if anyone could help me to work out what was going on so I can get over it.In the end he said he thought I was lovely but not assertive enough. So was it all a big game to him and he hated me from the beginning?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your brilliant replies. I guess the thing that got me was that I thought somebody who chases you must like you.
Didnt think anybosy would actually be that horrible/weird haha!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2012): Sociopaths/narcissists are evil people. Yes he probably hated you from the start (it's not you, he probably just hates people). And no he wasn't putting on an act he probably is a sociopath. In fact, in that context, all his actions make sense. Sociopaths have huge egos. In their minds, if anyone should dare wrong them they are very vindictive. It is all about power and control with them. Whereas normal people let things like this roll off their back. Which is why when you blew him off he continued to contact you and then blew YOU off. Yeah it was a power game, he was just trying to get back at you. This is very normal behavior for this type of person. Sociopaths want to have power over everything, they are completely shallow that is why they are so materialistic. All they want to do and all they will do is harm people. You did nothing wrong. This guy is a sick individual. Stay away from him. Do not answer his texts or reply to him. Your gut is right.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 December 2012):
 For psycopaths, narcissists, whatever, the game is that they will build you up one day then crush you the other day. It's called the idealization and devaluation cycle. They also split people into good and bad. There's no in between. It's hard for them to see that a person has strenghts or weaknesses. You can still be a good person at the same time you make a mistake. They also project their negative feelings onto you. Whatever they say about you is really about them. You have to understand chasing for them is not about winning you, in the sense that they want a relationship with you. Everything they do is for themselves, for the sake of narcissistic supply. The way to end the game is to ignore the narcissist. Like starving a cancer. They would then look for another victim to play with. The dating rules do not apply for narcissist. To be with a narcissist means you are constantly playing a losing game.
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