A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my bf of a few years cheated on me its been a week since i broke it off with him. im still in a lot of pain. i told him to leave me alone and he said he would respect that. i promised my self to cut off all contact i blocked his number and deleted my facebook account. despite of everything i miss him so much. but i cannot go back. my mind is constantly racing. i want to talk to him so bad, i have all these questions i want answer to but i know ill look bad if i look for him so i can get answers. i have so much pride which holds me back from doing it and im afraid my dignity will look weak but this constant urge for wanting answers is killing me. will sending him an email just make things worse on my end as far as my heart ache? or is it just better off to suck it up and ignore this urge of wanting answer and move on?i also keep wondering whether he is actually going to miss me? or will a guy get over it much quicker than a girl?i was so good to him i loved him unconditionally and in one night he threw it all away and it is one of the most painful feelings i have ever felt!any advice from ya'll would be great!
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (14 November 2011):
 OP I can understand this entire situation must be a nightmare but trust me, asking him anything wont make things better in ANY way.
For one thing, he is not to be trusted, so whatever he says will most likely be a lie.
Secondly, he might just come up with the "its not you, its me" crap, which is again a dead end.
Or worse, he might just tell you something to hurt you and make you feel bad about yourself and make YOU look like the bad guy who "pushed" him into cheating.
Or, he might just say, "I wasn't happy with you". Easiest cop-out. What do you say to that?
You cant win with a cheater OP, you just cant. He cheated, you threw him out. Now if you try to contact him in any way, he'll gloat over it and make you look like a desperate girl who cant get over him, and who's trying every trick in the book, to get back with him.
Please don't contact him. You did the right thing by breaking up, now walk away with your head held high and your dignity intact. His answers will not help you in any way; they will just bring back the pain.
Will he miss you? We don't know. But rest assured, he will never find anyone as good, honest, committed and loving as you.
Its ENTIRELY his loss. Please move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): From experience, there are no answers that he can or will give you for the questions that you have. Be strong and keep focusing on yourself, not on what or why he did the things he did.
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A
female
reader, ShiShisAdvice +, writes (14 November 2011):
 It is true once a cheater, always a cheater. There is no closure, so move on, with all questions left unanswered. It is the absolute best thing you can do to heal your heart. There are men who would never, ever cheat. Go get yourself one. And remember, you're worth it!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 I agree with Honeypie.
It you've decided that ending the relationship is the best thing for you, then leave it alone. He has no answers to give you that will help you feel better.
Opening a dialogue only gives him a chance to make excuses, blame you, promise it won't happen again and convince you to take him back. It will refuel your outrage and lead to more questions. This is especially true if you're seeking specific information of the 'who did what to whom' variety.
He misses you and he is kicking himself. We hear from men (and women) who cheat and come to regret it all the time. Having no contact keeps him wondering and gives him time to reflect on his choices. It also teaches him a valuable lesson he can apply to his future relationships; that there are consequences and he can't talk his way out of everything.
What you're going through now is normal. You two were together for a few years. You were accustomed to him and will miss him as he misses you. Give yourself time and space to get passed the withdrawal. It does get easier.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 November 2011):
 There is no such thing as closure. I don't care what people say. There can be a sense of understanding and accepting, but closure is really rare.
Nothing he can tell you will make it hurt less. Nothing he can do will make you really understand why he CHOSE to cheat in you.
Trust me on this one. If you ask him questions as to why he did it, if he didn't love you enough... he will either make it seem like it was YOUR fault or the standard " it jsut happened".. both which are total bogus.
There comes a point where you just have to accept that if wasn't your "fault" he cheated. He CHOSE to cheat. And that you deserve to be with someone who treats you how you deserve to be treated.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBy the way the night I broke it off was the last time we spoke we had a long talk but I was so upset, sad, and angry that none of these questions came to mind untill now that I've had some time to myself.
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