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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My problem is extremely complex! Me and my fiance split a year and a half ago after I found out he had been cheating on me. I had some tell tale signs to warn me but simply chose to ignore them. Since our split we've had a very tempramental relationship. He swears he has learnt his lesson and loves me. We're not together but spend alot of time together but we never get intimate, I just don't feel ready to go there. Recently I found out that he has been sleeping with someone. I confronted him and he denied it, he later admitted to sending her rude picture messages, isn't this just as bad? There is not an element of doubt in my mind that he has been sleeping with her as I tricked this girl into admitting it. Believe it or not she was trying to cover for him! I understand that we are not together so he is in all fairness entitled to do as he pleases but for some reason I feel devastated, just as devastated as I did the first time he put me through this. I've had dealings with about 15 girls through his lies and deception. I'm not saying he has slept with them all, I'll never know but the odd text message and phone call, the intentions are all the same. I've not seen him since I confronted him about his most recent fling but he is contantly texting and calling me telling me how stupid he has been and how much he loves me, how he can't be without me. Why did he do it then!?!?! Even when he gets caught he will continue lying, .....I'm pretty sure he'll never change but I miss him so much and I do really believe he loves me. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2007): Seems to me your tricking the girl into telling you seem a bit far fetched, I am sure via your own addmission ,had to have figured it out via your associates and slew of friends and or aquaintances. As far he saying he wants you back, that is also an assumption on your part. No one likes to loose in this case your revenge would be geeting back with him, However your reality is this. He cheated via your definition and to lay down and have sex and try to rekindle what was there is obviously gone.While you are sharing with eveyone you part of the story include the lies of who fathered your baby.During a time where when he was being as you say faithful you were not. Seems to me he using you for things and you know what they were and are. and you using him. caught up and when he started seeing someone else you went in a rage, instead of taking revenge on the female you should have on the one you know. The drama you have bought into this and still knowong he is seeing that other person ,"DONT BE DUM" you know what you should do. You want to win, win with knowing it was over long time ago and stop being a child , grow up and move on. the stuff you doing to him and things you saying here and work and where ever, you know you helped play a part of this too. you need to stop before you discover the your self in serious trouble, Freedom of speech however when you take it to the extream these people only here your side, you will end of in serious trouble with the law, so move on stop trying to be the victim here, its sad you come here and i am sure other places instead of being an adult just moving on, because seriously trying to hurt her by talking to him and bringing up lies and all you doing , not revenge, its just being very childish, I am not going to bother approaching you,unlike you, I know what is really going on, Your tampering with peoples mobils and all you are doing. just to strike back at the girl. you are sad and you will stay just as you are miserable. you are jealous of the fact he stop being as you saw him.I think you knew it was over and you do now. and he is still seeing her I am a friend of yours and since you dont know which one. I am sick to learn you stoop so low, You are embarrassing , everyone is really laughing at you, and you know it.you need to just stop! stop contacting him, he never told you the thruth seems to me he shown you who he loves. and well he is only trying to get back into usoing you, you are the saddest friend i know. I just wanted you to know stop!being such a child. move on he has.and trying to get revenge on her, only making you look very dum.
A
female
reader, Daysie  +, writes (16 January 2007):
 I have just been through a similar experience to you. He is a girls worst nightmare, you will never have peace of mind with a guy like this. While you love him and have strong feelings for him he will cause you no end of heartache by seeing other women. Take my advice and live your own life, date other guys, sooner or later your ex will realise what he has messed up, then you will be in a position to choose whether YOU want to be with him or somebody who is going to treat you with respect. Do not waste your life by waiting for him to be faithful, it sounds like he is not capable. Yes you love him, yes it will hurt to cut all ties, but do it for your own sanity! Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): He probably dose love you but he likes other girls to i have lived through this same thing for nearly 6 year i'am only young,well 24 next but I stuck with him i wish i didn't but I have three kids to him and he his the only man i really have been with.But if I was you I would stay well away there are plenty of other men out there love trust me.I have feelings for someone else but have three kids and don't wont to hurt anyone because at the end of the day I feel out of love with him ages ago and then you start to hate them eventually you will feel like that.Once they do it once with out a thought they will again. xxxxl
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A
female
reader, Tinkz  +, writes (16 January 2007):
 Yes he may love you very much but as you said he is still lying even though he doesn't need to, can you imagine how he would have to lie if he needed to!
Don't put yourself through it! I know you love him and i know it hurts and i'm sure more than anything you want him back but is it worth the heart break! Is he worth your tears?
the minute a guy sends msgs and pics like that he has planned it in his mind! And if you do get back together and you sleeping with him, won't it bother you that he might be fantasizing about someone else!
There is no man worth a womens tears and the one that is will never make her cry!
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (16 January 2007):
 Your ex-fiance is a tool. He doesn't love you. . . he only wants to play with your heart strings. I've seen clowns like this all of my life. They don't change. Change your phone number if you have to. . . but lose this loser.
Find someone that really cares about you.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): You need to move on and put this one completely out of your life. He will do your head in. He will never change and will just bring you down in the future. Let him do as he pleases and get on with his life. Just you go yours. Enjoy looking for someone new.
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (16 January 2007):
If I was you, i would leave him. He says that he has learnt his lesson but if he had, he wouldnt be seeing the girl he cheated on you with...even if they arent having sex, he surely shoudlnt be contacting her or sending her rude photos. If he was serious and/or smart about fixing this relationship he woudlnt of contacted her as it has left you totaly upset which is 100% understandable. I personaly dont think I could forgive someone for doing that. And I think it would be hard to trust him. He doesnt seem to have learnt his lesson.
I know it would be hard ot move on, because you love him...but sometimes love isnt enough to make a relationship work. He could very well love you, no denying that but some people still cheat on those they love...its not an issue of lvoe, its more likely an issue of his inscurities. Usualy people cheat because they neeed that ego boost or to meet a need that is not being met...but dont blame yourself for this. If there is a need not being met in a relatiosnhip he should of came to u and talked about it, not gone outside of the relationship.
the fact that you are pretty sure he will never change is a huge indication you should leave him. I know it hurts but in the long run you will be better off. If you stay with him you wil constantly feel paranoid about be worying about ifh es going behind your back and cheating...you will never be fulfiled in a relatiosnhip, which you should be. Where as if you dump him...sure yoou will miss him for a while BUT you will regain happiness and move on. So basicaly if you dump him you have a chance at being happy...which is what we all aim for in life isnt it?
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