A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Last year I went through a really really bad, stressful separation from my partner of almost 6 years.I vowed never to have a man in my life again, but once I got back on my feet, I thought it time to start dating again.I am 45 years old, with 2 teenage children from my first marriage.I had a few dates, and have recently met someone who I like, alot and I think he likes me. We have been seeing each other for a month.The thing is he has problems with orgasm (can't); I feel like i can't be attractive enough, or am doing something wrong. Because my ex partner left me for someone alot younger, i feel it's me and i'm not up to anything much anymore, even though I have a high sex drive and try to be adventurous and I think I keep myself looking nice and in fairly good shape.Help
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your answers.
I realise it's not me, because, as was said, he wouldn't want to see me if he didn't fancy me, so it could be nerves/health.
I will just take one day at a time and try to talk to him when the opportunity arises.
It's good to have fun again and I am enjoying the dating scene and the excitement that brings.
........and I can't even remember my ex partners name now....lol
Thanks again
A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (16 February 2008):
 Speedcat is exactly correct when she advised that "so many things could be the problem." Stress, depression, medications, age (but less so), medical conditions such as diabetes (and other things), and on and on . . .
Probably does not have anything at all to do with you. Maybe a bit of kinkiness might bring him off, such as oral or whatever, but I think that casually talking with him as iAintYourAunt suggested is a good idea if you have not already. Ask him what you could do, and then do it for him. But you should also be experiencing your pleasure . . . are you? Even that could be his problem if he knows or feels that he is failing to please you. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, iAintYourAunt +, writes (16 February 2008):
 This is a very common issue with guys, usually having nothing to do with their partner. Sometimes, it's stress. Sometimes, it's medical. It's ok to ask someone if they want to try something different. If that doesn't work, seeing a doctor is the issue.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008): You're blaming yourself? Don't do that. You haven't explained how old he is, but keep this in mind....a great many men do not orgasam with sex. I know it's not usual in your case, but if it's not medical on his part, it could be that he cannot orgasm thru regular vaginal or oral sex.
this is common. Don't take it the wrong way.
I once had a female friend who got very depressed because her last two boyfriends could not get aroused completely with her. She took it extremely hard, thinking it was her.
Well it turns out, that she just happened to have met two different men on two different occassions who had 'unknown' medical problemss. They both suffered from the onset of diabetes, but they themselves were unaware that they had the disesase. My friend is fine now.
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A
female
reader, speedcat +, writes (16 February 2008):
Listen so many things could be the problem, doesnt mean your it! How old is he? Is he on any meds? Is he nervous? So many things could contribute to this. One way to look at it is if he found you HIDEOUS then he wouldnt be lying on the side of you in the first place and in that case he wouldnt have even asked you out or agreed to go out with you. Try to leave the x in the past were he belongs, so what he left you for someone younger,,,,younger and less experienced! Girl go enjoy life its short! Lots of luck.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 February 2008):
 This is probably worrying both of you! He may be just very stressed at having to 'perform' or it's still just too new a relationship to be able to relax and enjoy it. There may be a medical problem for him that he hasn't shared with you yet. There could be any number of reasons... don't apportion blame until you have all the data. And this means don't blame yourself OR him. If you enjoy each other's company and feel a connection it's worth giving it time to develop the relationship. Relax, spend some time just fooling around like teenagers, make out, let yourself enjoy the journey. Be giddy, giggle, flirt with him! Let him know you find him attractive, but don't make him feel he has to be a sexual stallion or something. And most especially now, that you might have let on inadvertently that you're disappointed. He might take that as a personal judgement, when it sounds like you're just judging yourself. This is how misunderstanding derails a promising relationship....You have the joy and challenge of dating again, with all the trials and tribulations (nice cliche, isn't it?) that the young have to face. (And doesn't it just s--k that just because you're older, you're not magically smarter? I hate that!) So try to be a bit of a teenager again and enjoy the naughtiness, with no thought to the future!Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (16 February 2008):
 to be honest with you it is a common thing.like with women. not all women can orgasm from vaginal sex.depression will kill you. generally not being " there" can do it. its nothing personal. just like how it is for women. try talking t him. see what he likes. he might be in to kinky stuff.hell some folks i know only get off from kinky shit.just talk to him
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