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Is saying you still have feelings for the ex another way of saying that you just don't want to go out??

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 February 2008) 7 Answers - (Newest, 20 February 2008)
A male , *nknown_53 writes:

dear cupid,

this question is for the ladies

When a girl goes out with you but then after a week dumps you saying that she "still has feeling for her ex" is that their way of saying that they just dont wanna go out with you or do they really still like her ex?

Also do you think its worth asking the person for another chance or would it be better if its left as a friend stage for a while?

View related questions: her ex

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008):

She's trying not to hurt your feelings, but she feels more for her ex than she does for you. Don't waste your time.

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A male reader, anon_e_mouse United Kingdom +, writes (18 February 2008):

anon_e_mouse agony aunt"When a girl goes out with you but then after a week dumps you saying that she "still has feeling for her ex" is that their way of saying that they just dont wanna go out with you or do they really still like her ex?"

It might be true or it might be an excuse? Or a bit of both? I tend to pull the "I've still got feelings for my ex" excuse as a way of saying "it's not you, it's me".

I'm not saying this is the case here although I am inclined to agree with others here when they say perhaps she's just not all that into you. It might well be she still has feelings for her ex and perhaps at that stage where she's comparing you to her ex and "it's just not the same"?

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A male reader, Unknown_53 +, writes (16 February 2008):

Unknown_53 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i'm-a try and give her some time because she said that she still needs time to think, and then maybe she might give me a second chance, and i am willing to wait for her because she's the first girl to make me feel something

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A female reader, korculan queen Australia +, writes (16 February 2008):

I would say that when a woman says she still has feelings for her ex she is saying that she is not ready to commit to you because she has not let go emotionally of her last relationship. I would say call her and tell her that you would be willing to pursue a relationship at a pace that is comfortable for her. ie coffee dates etc and when you apply no pressure it will make it easier for her to see what a great guy you are. However, you need to ask yourself if you have the patience to give her that time before you chose to become intimate with her. Talk to her and ask her how she feels about the situation and this will get her thinking and she will appreciate you for this. If she is not ready and you are not willing to wait then move on now before you get too emotionally involved.

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A female reader, iAintYourAunt United States +, writes (16 February 2008):

iAintYourAunt agony auntIt usually means she still has feelings for her ex. It doesn't always mean she has more feelings for her ex than she does you. She may have. She may not have. Maybe she doesn't even know. Give her awhile.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008):

i can say from personal experience,that it is possible she really has decided she has feelings for him still.ive been in this situation,and sometimes it takes a couple of dates for you to realize that you arent as ready to move on as you thought you were.its not good to start a new relationship with somebody if shes not ready emotionaly.im sure its got nothing to do with you personally.and if you really are into the girl,then i think you should definetly work on forming a good friendship with her.beautiful things can come from a good friendship if you give it time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008):

I would probably lean more toward thinking that it is her way of saying that she doesn't want to go out with you. Just because even though she may still have feelings for her ex, I guess if she really liked you she would probably give it a chance anyway.

But who knows maybe she really just is not over her ex and its just really bad timing and she doesn't want to hurt you.

In any case, just take it as 'she's just not that into you.' But don't take it personally. Its not you its her.

And even though I personally like guys who pursue me and don't give up easily, in her case, I would give it a rest for now and maybe if you are still curious and interested, contact her in about a month. And ask her out again. (And yes guys have done this to me before. Waited about a month and tried again). And see what she says then. She might even have had enough time to get over the break up and perhaps will be more interested then in going otu with you. Remember, one month. No sooner.

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