A
female
age
41-50,
*enza
writes:To whom it may concernOne month ago, my boyfriend broke up with me, the reason why for him was: I went too crazy. He wouldn't listen to me. Before the break-up, He was very busy lately, no time for me, He tried making time for me but when we were together he was on the phone, text messages or play video games. I was annoyed and frustrated by the situation so while he was busy doing his own things, I kept busy myself by meeting friends, going to the gym, etc. when my birthday arrive, he took me to see a musical, I really enjoyed it and also the time with him. Almost arrived the end of the show, he started again texting with his mobile; I felt very upset but didn't say a word. It was my birthday so I told to myself: I shouldn’t show any sign of being angry or upset. Later after the show we went to some club, there were his friends, so I stayed in one corner on my own and him went to meet his friends and dance with them, he came couple of time to dance with me and check if I was alright, well not bad for a birthday. After the club we went to his place and slept. The day after, we both woke up at the same time, so he started straight away to call and text with his phone same as usual, and then preparing some breakfast for both of us. During the breakfast I ended up in tears and couldn’t eat anymore because I couldn’t anymore, it was too much for me. He asked me why I was too upset, I replied: You wouldn’t care anyway. He didn’t say a word just continue texting with his phone. I wanted my birthday to be with him only with him on that day, no friends, no mobile phone, just him and me, just for one day, he was so busy lately. It is like it is too much to ask. So I took my stuff and decided to go home. Before leaving I told him: Call me when you will stop being busy and again He still didn’t say a word. Later, my boyfriend’s flat mate got invited by my sister (She is living with me) to have dinner at mine (at that time they were both working together), so she called me to start preparing the food. They both arrived home and we all have a very nice dinner. Later, I decided to go with his flat mate to his place and talk to him. Arrived at his place, he was choked seeing me at his place without his permission and he told me I have no right coming to his place without his permission. So he decided not to talk with me the whole evening. I tried talking to him no chance from him to reply the whole night. I left his place the day after in the morning. I was very upset.Few days later, he decided to break up with me and told me: We will talk things through later until then, do what you want. Even though, I didn’t want to, I agreed to his decision.I decided to move on and to leave him alone. It has been nearly 3 weeks just after the break-up. I decided to take a trip to Paris as I remembered My boyfriend still owe me money so I decided to contact him by text as he didn’t pickup his phone and ask him in a polite way to give me back some of it one week in advance. That money was meant to make the most of it to Paris as I was still getting over him. What the hell, I need to get away, I need to travel more or do things even though those things won’t make me happy at least this is now my time to enjoy and keep my mind of things and feel better. So he text back ok. I replied to him: How much and when, I prefer the following Thursday the latest as I need to change into Euros as I am going to Paris during week end. Then he didn’t reply. So I decided to text him back: £500 in my account by Thursday. At last, he replied: OK Sure.The week of Thursday arrived, I go to work as usual, do my own things, friends, gym, etc. Monday, Tuesday, I send him another text: I am worried about you not having money for yourself. He replied straight away: Yes I can; only now you are worried. So I replied: I have been worried since I have asked you. Then he didn’t text back.Thursday has arrived, no money in my account, so I started to call him, he didn’t pick up but text he is working and he has to go to the bank to get money into his saving account, if he has the chance to do it. Banks were closed so he couldn’t get the money. So I text him: I needed that money by Thursday because I am taking the train to Paris after work on Friday so I won’t have time to change it into Euros and catch the train. He replied: he will try Friday. I replied back by telling him: Please don’t try, just do it. He replied back: I will try. So I told him: Ok, tomorrow during your lunch break.Friday has arrived, I am getting ready to go to work and later go to Paris right after work. 4h00 pm has arrived, still no money in my account. I called him several time, no answer, just a text later saying: I am working and TOUGH! So I became crazy!!!!! Banks were closed and there wasn’t any way to get that money from him anymore so I decided to cancel my trip to Paris in the last minute but my ticket was not refundable and not exchangeable. I was angry and upset, thinking that I didn’t deserve all of that. So I texted him on Friday evening that he was useless, I had to cancel my trip, why telling me that he could do it in the first place, thanks very much, you have ruined my week end, it was the only good things that could have happened to me lately after everything that I am going through: you breaking with me. That I can’t even have him anymore and also can’t even have a good time, you have destroyed everything!!!!!!!!! He texted back: I still care about you and I will always do, just try to understand, Good night. I replied to him: Understand what! You don’t even want to understand me! And you want me to understand you?! No way! I have spent most of the time crying, trying to talk to you, and giving myself headache! I just wanted to have at least a good time in Paris just something to make me feel better than what I am going through at the moment. He didn’t text or call to apologize or to make sure I was ok. NOTHING.Arrived Saturday, I called him in the evening, he was laughing on the phone, I asked him to transfer the money again because I’m planning another trip to Paris once more the following week end. He was laughing and reply ok and he asked where I was and what I have planned for tonight I answered what do you think, I am at home and trying to kill myself, he was still laughing and told me: It will be funny; I became crazy and shouted at him that he won’t do that he will hate me all his life! And I hanged up and ended up in tears. I couldn’t imagine that is happening to me, I start sending crazy text messages like: he is not worth it, useless, he means nothing to me, why doing this to me, why telling yes in the first place, he has no heart and he is mercyless,etc. He didn’t reply to none of my textes and I cried and I couldn’t sleep that night.Sunday has arrived, in the afternoon, I tried to call him few times and then he picked up, I asked him why he didn’t pick up, he answered he was busy, so I said as usual and ask him for the money once more to make sure that won’t happened again, he replied: I don’t care. And hanged up on me. I called and called and received a text from him saying: Don’t ever call me again. I called and then I stopped because He wouldn’t reply.Monday has arrived; I am at work and still very upset. Finish work and try cal him again, still no answer. So I decided to text him saying: We need to talk. He replied: About what? What is wrong? I answered back: About the whole situation. He replied: What situation, there is none. I replied: yes about the money issue. He replied: Yes, of course, all about the money. There are more important things in life. You are all about money. I replied: No I am not only the money; I know about that there are more important things in life, what do you want me to talk about with you? We are finished. After everything that’s happened I think we made it clear. He replied: You have said too many nasty things, you are nasty. I just don’t want to know now. I have found interest elsewhere already to tell you the truth. I replied: Ok good for you I am happy for you. What you have done was nastier than what I said in those texts.He replied: On your birthday, I spent everything I had just to make you happy even though it left me penniless, you still weren’t happy after that. You are never happy and I am never happy with you. simple.I replied: I know that I was happy that day as I told you, you were busy lately, I was upset because of that, I didn’t mind you were busy, I wanted you for me that day only for me only one day. I know you have spent a lot money. Ok you are not happy with me. It is ok. I just want you happy.He replied: Ok now that you understand. Just leave me alone.I replied: You know what keep the money, keep everything, I don’t want it anymore, I am leaving alone.He replied: Stop being stupid. I’m not trying to upset you or anything. I will not do that to you. Just try to relax and positive things will happen.I replied: I’m sorry I won’t accept it. I have made up my mind. Too much damage.And no more replies from him.Please I need help; I don’t know what to do anymore. We have been together almost 7 years and now our relationship looks like a disaster.Thank you for taking time reading.
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at work, broke up, flatmate, money, move on, text, video games Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2010): to be honest, ur anger tantrums and dramatic behaviour is not doing u any favours. i know this because i have experienced this first hand. imagine being put in his place because u are only seeing things through ur perspective. would u like to be harrased on a daily basis by really aggressive and overlydramatic messages from ur bf?i feel that ur technique of handling things has fallen flat. clearly ure just using the money issue and the paris trip as emotional blackmail. u want to tie him down to u somehow- if u didnt have the excuse about the money how else would u contact him or use it to evoque guilt.u have serious communication issues. both of u are seeing things through their one self perspective. its hard for him to understand the pain u feel for being rejected, because no matter wht happens he will try to justify his actions by making him look like the innocent party.he still cares a lot for u, but he seems to be reaching a breaking point with ur repetitive n negative contact.if u want the money back:apologise for ur childish behaviour.ask for the money back nicely with a tone of urgency.if u want to work things with him:apologise for ur behaviour.explain why u were so upset by justifying ur points cohesively and clearly.ask for some space - tell him that u need some time to think things through and ask him not to contact u until u feel ready.u need to regain some power in ur rel.i think this explains ur behaviour since it was ur way in wanting to gain control.u sound very insecure which prob has to do with ur past rels. so stop being really defensive when respondering to him. u must be clear and concise.the time off will help u reflect over things. he needs to appreciate u more and by sentencing things in that manner (dont contact me until i contact u first) he will start treating u in a different light.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 May 2010):
 Oh gosh. I've met a few mean bastards in my days,but yours is quite an impressively mean bastard.
Of course,you too did not handle it to well,with all the texts the drama and the tears. But I understand how nerve shattering must have been being strung along and made a fool of about the money, on top of the break up too !
What can I tell you...let's hope he gives you back your money ,and if he does not, just consider the 500 an offering to Universe in exchange for regaining your dignity and your peace of mind. You are much better off without Text Boy.
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A
female
reader, raiders  +, writes (20 May 2010):
 Seven years that is a long time...I feel that in reality you two need to sit down and discuss this situation if you guys want this relationship to work..It can be save but you both have hurt each other and are going to have to work hard to forgive. If you decide to to through with the break up..than the best thing for you is to loose contact. If you keep on keeping in contact with each other than this is going to keep hurting you, so not making any kind of contact will eventually work in your favor. You have already decided to let the money issue go, so if not getting back together is your decision than keep distance. I wish you all the best and feel both of you have disrespected each other, but I think you both can make it work if you put your hearts to it.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (20 May 2010):
 It's done, time to move on. 500 pounds is a good size chunk of cash, so hopefully he will pay you back. The constant texting/on the phone thing is very rude. I can understand why you were annoyed.
To me, it sounds like the communication just wasn't there in this relationship. After 7 years you can't stop by? Give me a break.
Time to distance yourself from the whole thing. Let it go. Let the healing process begin.
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