A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:i was with my bf for 8 months. I'm 17, he's 18. It was a good relationship at first. He was a great laugh, made me smile, took me places. It was great. 6 months into the relationship however, he changed. He got controlling, aggressive, overprotective. If i went out with my friends he'd go the same place on purpose, or ring me all night. I also caught him texting two ex's. He's pinned me down before too, when I wasn't giving him answers to his stupid questions like 'whos the other guy'. I had enough. I finished it. I've lost mates over him. Friends who met him through me have decided to take his side and gang up on me, like childish little muppets. Anyway, I needed to smile again because of my miserable past 2 months. I went out with my aaaaaages ago ex and a VERY good friend of mine, 'A', for a night. My 'supposed to be' friend, went and told my ex about this, and I got constant abusive phonecalls and texts. I just wanted someone to make me smile again :-(Anyway, I told my ex I don't love him, I loved who he was at the beginning of the relationship. Because he's nothing like that anymore. I just miss who he was. :/ He told me he would change because he loves me so much. Shall I give it another go and hope he'll change? Or move on with my life, even though it will be hard? :/
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female
reader, auntyR +, writes (22 April 2011):
i'm going to keep this short and simple....move on and forget him. It's not worth it if he is aggresive and controlling. Don't be his puppet!
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (22 April 2011):
 He didn't change. You just got to know him and found out that he is a controlling, manipulative jerk. That behavior is a huge and scary red flag. Why do you think lots of ex-girlfriends get killed?? It's a control thing.
You're in high school. There are only a few in there who have truly learned the art of what it takes to be a good friend. Others see friendship as expendable and betraying secrets as a means to further their own popularity inside a clique.
Stay away from him. He's pinning you down because you won't answer a question? What if he pinned you down and started wailing on you or raping you? These things are almost always progressive and degenerative. Soon, his needing complete control over you won't be satisfied with merely pinning you down.
There is no "who he was". You are just fortunate that you got to know the real him.
If your ex so much as texts you again, get a restraining order. You went out with someone new, and he became unhinged and harrassed you. This is very scary stuff, stalker behavior. Get your parents involved if you haven't already.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): He didn't change, he was always like that, it just took a while for his true colours to come out (as is usually the case). Abusers don't start out being abusive or no one would date them so instead they are charming and fun until they think you are theirs. That is when the abuse begins. The beginning of your relationship he was not being his true self and you are asking if he can go back to being fake again. You know he can at least keep up the act for 6 months or so and if you get back together he may be able to change for that amount of time but then he will revert back to type, to who he really is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): MOVE ON!!! Don't mean to shout at you I just want to express how much I think you should move on. He will NEVER i mean NEVER change. They never do. They say they will and they don't. If you get back with him it will probably be worse because he will want to make sure you can't escape again. Please please please move on. Get as far away from him as possible. Because it starts with him pinning you down, to pushing you, to slapping you, to punching and kicking you. then one day it could be worse. To many women have put up with crap like that and end up...not good. Don't take his crap and anyone who wants to side with him are not worth it either. Be young and free and enjoy yourself as a single women. Best of luck and I hope you take this advise.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (22 April 2011):
 No, he will not change, and getting back with him will actually reinforce that his current behavior is working.Cut him out of your life. You met the real him, that guy at the beginning was an illusion, the guy he pretended to be so you'd fall for him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): Don't give it another go. Do move on. If you give him another chance, you demonstrate to him that abusing you through texts and phonecalls is a valid way to communicate with you. You reinforce that idea to him and the worst part is that you reinforce that idea to yourself.When he became controlling and physical, you did the smart thing and cut the relationship short. You chose to keep your dignity over being the victim of his insecurities. If the fall out that choice is that you lose a couple indiscreet friends, I personally don't think you're losing much. They all sound like deadwood.I know getting over people is hard...but you sound intelligent and I think you've made good choices.Good luck.
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