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He avoided me, had a few drinks and was all over me, next morning back to avoidance!

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 March 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 3 March 2015)
A female United States age 30-35, *ruthplease writes:

Why can't I learn not to obsess over things and just let them go? This weekend I went on a short trip to a cabin with a bunch of my friends. There was a guy that had also been invited there (we both knew eachother was going because there was an evite for the event) that I had gone on one date with 6 months ago. After that date we text for a little while and went to one party together but fell out of touch. This weekend on the first night there when I walked in he acted like he did not see me and walked into another room, then when I walked into that room I said hi to him and he got up to say hi but it was a bit awkward. After 2 hours he got all over me and totally changed from ignoring me to saying your eyes are beautiful your body is beautiful etc and after a couole drinks he was all about me and I was not giving him the time of day because he was being too sexual and I kept telling him to not touch me, I didn't mind the flirting but was getting mad at him for the touching and carressing all over me when we had not seen or talked for 5 months. He would not give up though and kept begging me to be with him giving all sorts of reasons why he had not been in contact and how insanely attracted he was to me and he had been waiting to see me again (bs because he had my number and I told him this). Anyways we ended up cuddling that night after all his begging but I drew the line at no sex and no kissing for the night and he said ok as long as I slept next to him. The next day he was acting so different and again had went to giving a slight cold shoulder. At night we went to a party and he started warming up again to me and then at the party I saw him dancing with a girl he knew I didn't like from our cabin while I was talking to some friends. Afterwards I was tipsy (he was not drinking that night at all) and I was dancing with him then decided to confront him about dancing with another girl (stupid drunk move I know) he said he's cool with her and she's in our cabin. After that I did another stupid thing being drunk I told him I needed to talk to him and asked him why he has been acting so hot and cold with me the entire trip and that after everything he said to me the night before (going on literally until 4am about liking me and wanting to be with me) why was he acting tonight like he didn't care about me much. He said he doesn't remember a thing about the night before and that he was drunk and doesn't remember what he said or did. Which I knew was a lie because he was acting completely sober the night before and had barely drank! But when he was telling me this I was drunk and did not want to argue so I said ok that's fine if that's the case and then he left. Today he was acting super cold towards me and when we were all saying goodbye he gave my female friend a hug right in front of me then when it came to me he reached out and gave me a handshake!! Which I feel he did to piss me off. Anyway it did and today I can't stop thinking over and over about how stupid I feel for confronting him about whether he ment what he said the first night I know I was drunk and emotional bit still it was a stupid move and now he has an ego boost thinking I have the hots for him and gives me the douchebag cold shoulder when I have done nothing wrong. I want to know why I can't get this out of my head when it's such a stupid trivial thing! And why I can't stop feeling stupid for confronting him! How can I get this out of my head and stop these pointless thoughts and guilt...please help me.

View related questions: drunk, flirt, kissing, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2015):

I hate when guys do that. But you know once I talked to the guy and he told me he learned to do this hot and cold with girls to keep them in control, sort of manipulation.

In this case it might be he just wanted to sleep with you. And good that you didn't. He is obviously lying about being drunk,most guys use this line quite often when confronted.

But mostly important that he shows no intentions of dating you. We girls analyze a lot, practice to get guys out of your head, it's not that hard and very usefull.,

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A female reader, Truthplease United States +, writes (2 March 2015):

Truthplease is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you Honeypie and Sage,

I agree with you Honeypie that he just used the 'I was drunk and don't remember' thing as a cop out because I can guarantee you he was not drunk at all. There was barely any alcohol involved and we were together for 6 plus hours there is no way his story makes sense and it was more than obvious he was sober that's what makes me so mad. I agree he's not worth it at all but I can't stop feeling so dumb for falling right into it and not just walking away from him or ignoring him for being such a jerk.

Sage I agree, I had to look up the word cad lol, and he definitely is one! But the thing is the whole 'I had too much to drink and don't remember' was completely untrue because I was with him for hours and hours and he was definitely sober for a good part of the time and he also acted that way with me once the next day being all touchy feely for like 5 minutes an hour before we went to the party and he had had no drinks at that time. So the hot and cold feels like he just wanted to screw with my brain.

I know he's not worth it but my stupidity makes me mad at myself...

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (2 March 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntOne nice effect of alcohol is that it helps strip away the facade of niceties that a cad, such as this, might be trying to put over on an unsuspecting damsel....

He's tipped his hand.... YES, he DID "just want to get laid..." so you now KNOW that he's a cad.

Do give him another thought....

Good luck...

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (2 March 2015):

Honeypie agony auntYou know, he is EXACTLY the kind of guy to avoid.

But yes, you did OVERREACT by "confronting" him. He can dance with whomever he likes, whether YOU like that girl or not. He didn't OWE you squat. And you don't own him.

He didn't LIKE you enough 5 months back to STAY in touch and KEEP dating you. One date and then "lose" touch, says.. I'm not really that into you.

HE was hoping to GET laid. Pure and simple. Which is why he poured it on thick the first night as SOON as he noticed that you weren't "mad" over the no contact in 5 months. He even played up up as if her was more drunk than he was so he could claim "I can't remember the next day"...

Eh, stop worrying about that one - you really aren't missing out and now you know what a complete twat he is.

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