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He asked me not to email or text while he's abroad, because his sisters might see?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 December 2014) 4 Answers - (Newest, 29 December 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *weetthing writes:

Hi all, please see the other question for brief background info as i was already feeling nervous about where i stood.

bf of three months, i love him , he doesn't love me yet says need to get to know me more etc. He's 25 i'm 24. He said that a month ago. Since then we do go from strength to strength, spend nearly every other weekend away together going to see places.

But right now i am so mad, upset and angry and i need some advice whether i should be or not.

Used to talking to him for approx 90 days, every morning and night. now i won't speak to him for 23 days as hes on holiday in india with his family, sister and cousin getting married and he hasn't seen his parents or sister's all year.

He asked me not to text or call, or email him when there as his sisters would be going through his phone. that hurt but i said ok etc thinking if he misses me he will mail me,

It's been three days and i am really struggling i miss him like hell. He gave me the password to his email etc and yes i am wrong in doing this. But he's checked his email whilst abroad. So why hasn't he even emailed me once?!

Does this mean he doesn't even care for me and i am really living in a stupid world where i care for a man more than he cares for me. Yes it might be hes gone to a internet cafe with family so can't email infront of them, or trying to at home and sister's next to him. But could atleast email saying hi if wanted to.

Am i being un-reasonable or is this a good enough sign that he's just not that into me and instead of waiting for him i should move on.

View related questions: cousin, move on, on holiday, text

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A female reader, sweetthing United Kingdom +, writes (29 December 2014):

sweetthing is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi all thank you for your responses.

I agree that he should atleast have emailed me and if he doesnt whilst he is away not even once then really i mean nothing to him.

Not making excuses for him but i'm Indian to-British but still indian. My family can not know about him or any bf i ever have until its time to get married. Thats not because they have arranged any one for me, its just culturally its not acceptable and i'm not ready to get married in the next few months.

So i do understand why he doesnt want his family to know about me, i don't want mine to know about him unless he proposed . But we've spoken we would not want to marry until in three years time, we still have so much to do. I did ask him bluntly are your family going to get you married. He said no as his sister is really older than him nearly 31 i believe.

They would want him to get married in three years time to, and i know if he was going to get married in India he would have to be there for atleast 2-3 months as alot of paper work etc. But still i feel upset no contact. :(

But also his sister and cousin getting married so i knwo hes busy but still... i'm so confused

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 December 2014):

Honeypie agony auntI have to agree with the smart ladies, Auntie Bim And Ciar.

He doesn't WANT you to contact him, because he doesn't WANT his family to know about you.

And why is that? Well, if he is Indian, his family MIGHT (most likely) want him to marry a girl of THEIR choosing and NOT some English girl. They also MIGHT NOT want him dating around.

I think a GUY who can't EVEN find time or be BOTHERED to send you a "hey I got here in one piece, all is well, it's good to see family, blah blah blah" e-mail or text..... ISN'T wanting to really BE with you. He is using YOU for entertainment while in the UK.

Sorry, I'd walk away now, before you get into deep.

It's only been 3 months. It's not here or there.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (29 December 2014):

Ciar agony auntHe doesn't want his family to know about you, or to know that he's still dating you if they did.

That is either because, as Aunty BimBim suggests, that it's HIS marriage they're arranging or because they have someone else in mind for him when the time comes. However you want to look at it, and however fond he may be of you, you are Ms. Right Now.

It's perfectly ok to date someone you don't plan to marry, as long as both parties are up front about that, but I don't think he's being honest with you.

23 days of no contact is a long time for someone who is not at the North Pole or in a coma so if you don't hear from after two weeks, I'd assume it was over and quietly move on.

If you plan to stick around, start scaling back your investment in him.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (29 December 2014):

Aunty BimBim agony auntIt all seems very odd, if he really wanted to contact you he would .. have you considered his family may be arranging a marriage for him while he is there?

I would be seriously rethinking this relationship if I were you.

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