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Why does he keep me on Facebook if he doesn't want to be with me?

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 December 2014) 8 Answers - (Newest, 29 December 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi. After having a brief fling with a guy who I met, I called it off as he was losing interest in me and he has moved onto someone else now instead.

The thing is - even though we don't have contact like we used to - we are still friends on Facebook and I sent him a best wishes message for Christmas which he replied to with a sweet message back but nothing else.

I still have feelings for him, even though I am trying to accept its over, but - why does he keep me as one of his FB friends, if he no longer wants contact?

I'm still hurting, that what we had is no more...

View related questions: christmas, facebook

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2014):

Agree with the female reader.....he probably likes to collect what he thinks are adoring women regardless of who he's with. Have been in a similar position and don't quite understand it all. Some men seem to think that if they collect friends, particularly women on FB, that they are actually friends when in fact they've never even met. I asked him to delete me from his collection of women to which his valient reaction was to temporarily shut down his FB. Regardless, I ended up taking HIM off. He also must have not known that I could see that he continued the same behavior on Linkedin. I ended up closing my Linkedin but started a new account at the request of some co-workers who I occasionally travel with BUT WITHOUT HIM. Just ask yourself if you're better with him or without him. Believe me, it does get better but will take some time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2014):

Thank you female anonymous lady. I didn't realise you could block someone & still keep them as a friend. To be honest - I want to get rid if that green dot that tells you who he is currently messaging - but cannot seem to do it! If you tell me your forum name I could inbox you.

I know his replies are just friendship replies - but I wonder why he is all keen on someone one minute & then lose all feelings the next?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2014):

I am currently in the same position as you. And I too don't have the courage and am not ready to unfriend him on facebook - unfriending feels like severing all ties. So, for the time being just block him - that way you won't see any of his posts, but he will still be your facebook friend. One day you will be ready to unfriend him and you will either do it with ease or simply just forget that he's on your facebook friends list.

He does sound like a player and I think the reason he hasn't unfriended you is that he sees no reason to do so. The breakup wasn't bad, he just moved on to someone else - he doesn't need the severance as he has no romantic feelings towards you. He probably likes having lots of adoring women as his facebook friends, it doesn't mean that he wants a relationship with them.

So you now need to block him and move on with your life. Don't initiate any contact - all replies you get from him will just be friendship replies and won't mean anything to him, he's just responding to a message.

I wish you the very best.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for your replies.

Yes he is a bit of a player & that is possibly why he has kept me as a friend. I haven't the courage to unfriend him though yet, maybe I should just keep off FB for a while instead - until I am over the pain.

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A female reader, Sincerely Yours United States +, writes (29 December 2014):

Sincerely Yours agony auntHe probably didn't give it much thought or deem it necessary to remove you as it would just come off as cold or rude. You have more reason to remove him than he does, so my opinion is to go ahead and do it yourself. That way you're not thinking of him every time you scroll through your news feed or write a post knowing he will see it.

~SY

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A female reader, llifton United States + , writes (29 December 2014):

llifton agony auntHe probably keeps you on because he sees no real reason to remove you, as you two never had a falling out or any such similar issue. If you two had had a bad break up, he would probably have removed you.

Perhaps you should consider removing him until you feel you are in a better place to cope, so you don't keep reminding yourself of the split? Just a suggestion. Out of signt, out of mind works best for me. Otherwise, I just wind up torturing myself by obsessing over their whereabouts and what they are up to and who they are spending their time with. Over-analyzing everything. Good luck to you.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (29 December 2014):

Aunty BimBim agony auntWhy are you keeping him as a fb friend if you are hurting?

he has moved on, the so called fb friendship is going nowhere, it adds nothing positive to your quality of life, only pain and a lot of questions with the word "if" in them, you are the person who is prolonging your hurt, by initiating contact. Do yourself a favour and block him, that way you will only be able to see what he is doing if YOU decide to, and if you DO unblock him to see what he is doing you will only have yourself to blame when you realize he is still not interested and has still moved on..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2014):

Is he a bit of a player? If so, he may be keeping you as a friend so that he can pick up where he left off with you should it all go belly up with the other woman...

I can't be sure, but that would be my guess. Sounds like you can do a lot better than him! Hope it all pans out well for you :)

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