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He asked if I would wear a strap on and take him from behind?

Tagged as: Sex, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 July 2008) 17 Answers - (Newest, 18 November 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, *aydee writes:

My boyfriend and i have been together for 8 months now. We were fine at first but now.... He has started asking really difficult sexual favours from me. He recently asked me if i would wear and strap on and take him from behind?!?! I didnt know what to do, no i feel pressured, he says he isnt gay and doesnt find men attractive, but im doubting him. He told me lesbian sisters they were hot and he constantly stares at women. A couple of weeks ago he threw me up a wall.... i dont know what to do. Should i leave? Stay? I dont know what to say to him or how to explain how it makes me feel. He makes such a big deal about it and i know he doesnt care when i tell him he makes me feel like i dont satisfy him. He swears i do but im unsure. Please help Im desperate!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012):

Look, babe, I'm in my late twenties, straight male, I'm 6'3 205 and in good shape.

My GF is 5'4.

Feel like this info is relevant. For a while (maybe 2 years) I started wearing my GF's thong in secret. Hadn't done it since I was a teenager, my cousin stayed with us one summer and she had the sexiest looking panties all over her room.

First time I picked up a pair I went right into the bathroom and slipped em on, I got the fastest erection, and was so horny.

Not hot for my cousin, just turned on because I knew it was taboo, the fact that if she (cousin) walked in what would I say?

Well up until recently there's no way I'd consider admitting to ANYONE that I like panties, really I love thongs, and I really love how I feel on those sporty oanties that cover most of the girls butt but not all of it.

Fast forward back to my present GF. She loved me so much, and me her, I so wanted to tell her. So I did. Since then this girl's was amazing.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010):

my g/f brought a strap on the other week and we tryed for the first time and i gotta say it was fun she and i both loved it

just doing the same old ways dose get boring at times yes it is kinky but really fun how meny female have wonded what would be like to give to guy up the bum??

i say go for it u will enjoy it put a viberotor on ur clit y u do it u will love it:)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010):

my other 1/2 just brought 1 a few weeks ago and we tryed for the first time and it wasent bad she let do it to her first so i let do it to me with a strap on we love each other and we have kids 2 but u can only do the same think in and out for so long it nothing to be ashmed about and it not gay it just show how much we do care for each other go for it just put a vibrator on ur clit go get more excited

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A male reader, uncutdan United States +, writes (8 March 2010):

uncutdan agony auntThats awesome. The anus and rectum are designed the same in a woman as they are in a man. if properly stimulated it feels good. Most people think that if a guy likes it up the butt that he is gay and he might be, but if he says you satisfy him you are. He needs stimulated and satisfied too, and if it takes a strap on why not just do it. You might enjoy it too. Be an explorer, and use your imagination.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2009):

i am a hetro male.i luv women!!! but ive had anal play by myself and a girlfriend when i was a young man and i loved it. since then (20 years later) i got married to a diff lady and we got into the kink and she wore a strap on.i was opening up and showing her that i totaly trusted her and became vulnerable.i sometimes hear about it in some of our extreme arguments and she wonders why i have such a high sex drive but i tell her "thats just the way i'm wired according to the talk show Love Line"

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A male reader, edoggy06 United States +, writes (12 August 2008):

You have to be honest with him. If it makes you uncofortable, then he needs to respect that. Dose it make him gay or bi? Not at all. He just wants to try something new. Guy do get stimulated there. It's part of our bodys. He probaly feels comfortable with you, to ask something like that. If it bothers you, and you tell him, then you have to leave. Becuase he has to respect your feeling and fanticys also. Hope this helps.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008):

I only wish my wife would even think about this. I once asked if she would be willing to wear one for me and i have never recieved an answer from her.I have enjoyed her playing/teasing me there, and i have use her toy and enjoyed it but there is something about her being in control that really sets me off.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008):

Don't be so judgmental - why don't you read about hos some men enjoy anal stimulation like some women, if he were gay, then he'd not have asked you to do him!

HE obviously wants to open up a little kink - bu if you are that closed minded, then maybe you should run - you might enjoy the view as he does taking you doggy?

Just thoughts, ideas is all no judgments in either direction - I'd be happy if my wife would just want sex!

adding kink would be a gift! FOR me, us eg

a casual observer trying to help is all - remember, "Enjoy life, this is not a dress rehearsal!"

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008):

I'm glad to see some open-minded postings here. Too many people, men and women, are sexually close-minded but what happens between two people in the bedroom should not be a discriminating factor. My girlfriend once expressed a desire to do just that to me and sometimes she does dry hump me from behind and I love the feeling of her being in control. Sex isn't cut and dry and there are way too many people out there that think man on top and woman on bottom is the only way to be normal. Kink is fun! And besides, what harm can it do?

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A female reader, birdynumnums Canada +, writes (18 July 2008):

birdynumnums agony auntIf he buys the strap on, would he be willing to wear it on his chin?

;-D

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A male reader, oldfool Australia +, writes (18 July 2008):

oldfool agony auntWow! This guy sounds kinky! And I don't mean that in a bad way.

The problem is that he's going too fast for you. You're obviously a staid, normal, sensible girl and this guy's wild sexual ideas have thrown you a bit. Ask him to slow down, take a deep breath, and start trying a few of the things that he's suggesting -- at your own pace.

I think you may have a bit of a hidden treasure here. There are so many guys who are totally unimaginative in bed. His idea of a strap-on from behind, that is really interesting. He's offering to become the "passive" partner in bed, a thing a lot of guys would be too boring or proud to do.

I once bought a girlfriend a strap-on. I never asked her to do anything like that, but it was really strange seeing this pert young woman sporting a large penis! As I said, it's kind of kinky, but sexy at the same time.

I think you should definitely try and stay with this guy, but at your own pace.

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A female reader, fishdish United States + , writes (18 July 2008):

fishdish agony auntTo piggyback off of uncle sneakers' comments, it sounds as though this IS a request and not a demand, or some void he needs filled so that he is sexually satisfied, you said he says he's satisfied, and that he is willing to compromise on what you're both comfortable on. I would absolutely agree that there is not anything homosexual about the desire to be penetrated, that's basically one of the only options for gays so that's the route they HAVE to take, obviously girls who get anally penetrated aren't gay men so straight men shouldn't be lumped in the same category either. I think the lesbian sisters talk and looks at girls should be irrelevant...if he looks at you, and he treats you well, and you like your relationship enough, then that should be all you need to keep it strong and continue sex as you BOTH feel comfortable. I do want to say, as a female, I find it highly erotic to dry hump my boyfriend from behind as it feels slightly empowering, you're in control, and you can grab his hair to get a kiss outta him and he is putting full trust in you if you go further. I wouldn't rule it out totally, it definitely has sexy potential!

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (17 July 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntI think Uncle Sneaker has given you very very good advice here.

I have one question for you, what you mean exactly when you say that 'A couple of weeks ago he threw me up a wall.... ' I don't quite understand that sentence. Thanks for clarifying if you can.

And do please read and understand Uncle Sneaker's very thoughtful advice.

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A male reader, Uncle Sneaker United Kingdom +, writes (17 July 2008):

Uncle Sneaker agony auntIf you're not happy with it, then tell him you're not happy with it. Tell him doing anything like that makes you feel uncomfortable. If he can't understand that and accept it, then he's not the right man for you.

But don't misunderstand him. And right now it sounds like that's exactly what you're doing. He has a kink, a fetish. It doesn't make him gay. It doesn't mean he likes men. Nor does it mean that he isn't gay or doesn't like men. The chances are that he's most rampantly heterosexual, and in all probability his sex-drive is simply more powerful than most - which pushes him into areas of physical sexual activity that go much further than the average person. That need not be bad - in fact, for you it may be very good if your sexdrive is also strong, because you may well find your relationship exciting and positively explosive (in the nicest possible way!). But you need to talk to him and let him explain his desires to you - and make sure you understand them properly. You also need to understand the differences between the activities he would "like to do" and those that he really "needs to do", particularly if there are some where you simply can't go because they aren't things you could ever do.

Talk. Don't judge. And above all DON'T jump to conclusions.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008):

Forget about the strap on part! Why are you with someone who physically abuses you? I know it's hard but you should leave him cause your only 8 months in and this is only the beginning

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008):

im a guy, ive never been gay or bisexual, but i have had a girlfriend use a strap on with me, and its a great feeling. Its indescribable, but VERY pleasurable. Not every guy likes it, the same as not every girl likes all aspects of sex!

if you aren't comfortable with what he's asking for, then tell him why. but don't leave him because he want's to share his body and pleasure with you in a way you're not expecting!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008):

Get out of there, the sooner the better. I am sorry to have to tell you this, as I can tell you care about him, but you need to take care of yourself......so run!

You will not change him, he doesn't want to change, he is not a good guy to be with and you are in for a world of hurt if you stay....please go, now.

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