A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have been married over twenty years and have cheated on my husband with another man that i have also known for over twenty years. during the course of my marriage i have been in and out of relationship with other man four different times. each time i would end things because of my marriage and kids. i am currently in relationship with other guy and do not want to end things this time. i believe i love both men just differently. i have tried to not see other guy-once for ten years another time for six years but i can not forget him and continue to love him. he is divorced and free to be with me but i am so confused. do i stay or do i finally go? any advice hopefully without judgement would be helpful.
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affair, cheated on my husband, divorce Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Trinklett  +, writes (3 January 2012):
 Its tough being married to someone for 20 years and loving someone else along the side. By now you know where your heart is. If your kids are grown I say go for it. I'm sure they are a good part of the reason why u stayed all this while. Loving and not being able to be with the person can be consuming. You now have to worry about family, friends, colleagues, associates, the list is endless. Explain it to your kids and their dad. If he's been a good husband it'll be hitting him like a brick wall. And I hope to God that this guy is worth it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): I am not a big fan of people using the forums to gather the emotional support when conscience starts troubling them. First of all, i have great sympathy towards your Husband and Kids, your parents and his parents etc, who have been cheated multiple times in last 20 years. My advice for you is to be honest with yourself first, understand that you have problem in your charector, so you will be changing Mens frequently. After you know yourself, you create a passage with all family memebers for smooth divorce and hand over the Kids to your hsbands. Especially girl daughters need to be protected from your multiple Mens in future and and at the same time, I guess you would not want your kids to know your swinging and slutty behavior. Then do what ever you want do in your life. No one stops you from having as many Mens as you can get, as long as you are divorced from Man and kids who trust you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 December 2011):
 have you discussed with your spouse and your lover the possiblity of a poly lifestyle? perhaps neither wishes to give you up and both would be willing to share you with the other as they have been doing for 20 years without knowing it anyway?
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A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (5 December 2011):
 It's time to be honest with yourself and leave your husband. Would you want him to do that to you?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 December 2011):
 is not os
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): I think your being very unfair to your husband.
Its very clear that you are in love with this other man... and have been for such a long time. Life full time with him may not be the bed of roses you have imagined but I think its clear that you are unwilling (unable?) to end things for good. In this case I think its best to go with your heart and start a proper relationship with him.
You husband on the other hand, has a marriage which is a sham. For 20+ years you have lied and cheated. If you love him like you say you do, then you will end this now. Its cruelty at best, and torture at worst. Its totally unfair on him to continue with this marriage.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 December 2011):
Is your husband aware of your philandering or os he totally in the dark?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): If you have loved this guy for so long and can not get him out of your system, maybe now is the time to make the break. If you don't, he could meet someone else in time and the window of opportunity will be gone. If your marriage has run it's course, I would consider very seriously if now is the time to leave. I suspect you love your husband as a friend but without passion. It will be a hard choice but give this decision all the weight you can, because regret may follow in years to come if you don't act now.
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