A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so heres the situation. I met one of my best friends through work about 2 years ago. We hated each other at first, but last summer we grew very close. And now we are closer than any of my other friends. We talk every day and I love her to no end. So heres the problem. She has been off and on dating this guy for about 3 years. When I first met her (and him) 2 yrs ago, we all worked together. He was the manager and we were employees. Since it is frowned upon at my job to date co-workers they have kept their relationship under cover. So keeping in mind the first 1 year or so I never knew they were dating. I had a huge crush on him but never said anything. Once we became friends and I found out they were dating, I pushed my feelings aside. Well he was transferred to another location, but they have still been off and on. Their relationship is horrible. He treats her like crap, she cheated on him, and they just don' t belong together. Right now they are "off" but she wants him back. Well long story short, him and I have been sleeping together for the last month. I cant believe this is even happening. It just happened by accident one night and we have continued it. And I know this is soooo wrong on soooo many levels, but everytime I try to stop it, I want it more. I dont want a relationship with him, because I see how he treats her, and dont want to be in that position. The sex is just so good.I love my friend and if she ever found out she would he devastated. And now he is kinda trying to work things out with her, but wants to continue our little arrangement. What do I do? They dont belong together. She cheated on him. He treats her like crap. But they just cant let eachother go. But on the same note, I love my friend and it kills me that I am doing this to her. But they arent together ( at least for the moment). And I feel like I need to worry about me too, and the physical attraction is over running my morals. Im so lost. HELP. And just for the record I dont need someone telling me how bad of a person I am. Only those with real advice. Please.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): "I love her to no end."
No you don't. You don't do this to people that you love.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): Ok so he is having his cake and eating it, when he is fed up of her he goes to you and when they sort out their differences he will be back with her. Do not let yourself fall for this guy imagine how hard its gonna be when he gets back with her, which he will. You are caught up in a love triangle that will eventually lead to a tangle of lies and floods of tears both for you and your friend. im sorry to say it girl but the minute u went near him you kissed your friendship goodbye, if u have any ounce of respect left for your friend you will cut off all ties with this guy and and move on with your life, u need to gain some respect and confidence in yourself and pray that if your friend ever finds out that she forgives you, which she might if you show that you are breaking ties with him.
Dont let him have his cake and eat it for the sake of your friendship itd just sex at the end of the day, hes not worth it.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 Ok, I'll skip the lecture about the value of friendship and loyalty,( even if clearly you could do with a brush up about these concepts ) and I'll tackle the problem from a different angle.
He is trying to work things out with her- but wants to continue your little arrangement.
So, basically, he is saying that he wants her- that he PREFERS her. But since he is satisfied with your sexual performance and availability, - if you don't bother him, keep your mouth shut, and keep providing generously your sexual service- yeah,Ok ,you can stay.
Isn't this enough to dampen your enthusiasm a bit ? Are you familiar with the word " pride " ?
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 You need to get a grip, and give yourself a good shake. Sit quietly, on your own, and really think about what it will be like when your friend finds out. Really picture it, try and feel the emotions that you will both experience. See her face, and remember that look of disappointment and hurt; so that when you do feel the urge to jump into bed with the guy next, and you can bring back that image of your friends face, it might just put you off enough, not to. Give it a try. Delete him from your phone, put a block on his number, just don't seek him out. Try avoidance. Do you think you could tell your friend what has happened? So that she knows just how bad he really is for her! Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): Oh really the only choice you have left yourself is to confront it in some way and move on.
If I were you I would certainly plan to move on from these two they are not good company and look what you have done to yourself from hanging out with poor company - that is the real problem.
To get your feelings of self respect back, ask them both to meet you but don't tell them the other is coming.
Be frank with your friend and apologise saying that you can not continue on with this any longer. Aknowledge that you did not know until recently that he wanted to get back together with him and that you though it was over. Leave it at that, walk away do not get into an argument.
It is my bet that your friend may be shocked but if she has any decency she will forgive you.
It is your fault for choosing an awful bloke - but clearly you may of thought that they were not going to be together and you got together when they had broken up.
Again I think the real issue is the company you keep - open yourself up to meet some good people and you could be surprised at the decent friends that come into your life.
Put this behind you as a bad mistake.
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