A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've known a beautiful, sexy woman for fourteen years, about seven years ago, we became a long distance couple. I invested in her store in the midwest, subsidised her income to the tune of $800/mo this past year and a few in between. She has always seemed to adore me and my three children always sending them her sentiments. The last visit of mine which was the first to her state was in sept 2008. upon her driving me to the airport home, she proposed marriage to me, of course I said sure thing. She flew to CA where we wed. She flew back home four days later with plans to come to CA. as soon as financially feasible. An urgent family matter brought me back there just before our fourth month anniversary whereas she was not able to be home upon my arrival. After arriving to her home, I surveyed her home to find multiple birthday cards to her from a man named Rick. Ricks cards were several, all in front of mine and my childrens card. I also found on one side of the bed in a hutch, a man's paraphernalia. I also noticed an empty beer can on the headboard shelf of the side of the bed that my wife didn't care to drink. With the can was some change. Since I was greeted by another male upon arriving home named Kurt, I ask Kurt about the cards and who was having sex with my wife? Kurt answered, Rick was and has been for a month, but he's out of the picture now since my wife had tired of him. I asked Kurt if he had slept with her at all, he actually was honest enough to say yes, only since Rick had been gone. The next day apparently. Kurt had said that my wife had explained I was only a very sweet friend who married her so she and her three kids could have medical insurance. Kurt then asked, so what IS your role in her life. I stated, well, I married the love of my life actually... I then stated apparently, she didn't marry hers. What had happened to my wife is she was arrested for a DUI bond violation. No biggie right? I was there to take care of her things and the kids. It required me to clean the house, sort through clothing etc. I found love notes from her to Rick stating how he was her soul mate. I thought I was. I found so many dirty pairs of the sexiest panties piled in her room along with all the other slinky garments hanging around. When I finally revealed to her my findings, she said Kurt was lying! Rick was a hump buddy! she completely played it down. About the cards she said, I have told you that many men try to get to my heart, that it won't work, that you are the only man in my heart. My question is this.... is this possible? could they only be sex buddy's? I have been faithful to her for over five years, we never consummated our marriage, she said it was because she had been raped once and needed to go slow. I respected her to go along with that reasoning. What is the reasonable way to deal with this? I have loved her for so long, I find my heart trying to reason with giving her another chance, my mind says No WAY!! I need input her. She says she loves me. Why????
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): Hi, looks like our story are the same.
My husband is cheating me. Been married to my husband for 10 yrs already and known each other for 17 yrs.
I'm a fulltime housewife now w 3 kids. I actually sacrifice my job for this family. When I was working, I was giving 70% of my salary to my husband, thinking that he'll appreciate me and as a wife, I have to help him. Everytime, I don't give he'll get angry. Not until to the extent that he hit me but just stopped talking to me. And I don't want that in my marriage that's why I gaved him part of my salary.
I'm a female and till now, it's been 8 mths my hubby had been having an affair, I'm still clinging on him. Guess I am scared of being alone.
My friends had been telling me to leave my husband but I'm still unable to leave.
I think, as you are a man... and man should be stronger. I think, u can leave her. She doesn't deserve you.
I know, i'll be receiving many feedback on my answer to you as I myself couldn't leave my husband but...like I said... u as a man should be stronger. I'm just a fulltime housewife, been together for 17 yrs...don't know anything else and have no money. Good luck to u.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): Oh, my - everyone here is being very nice to you. You have been in a "long distance relationship" with a woman for seven years who you have never slept with, and I gather, have seen only rarely. Not only have you wasted your love and money on this woman - I would like to encourage you to get some professional help with what you consider to be a "relationship." Your ideas about love are not real. Unless you confront why you would ever consider this "pretend" relationship in any way - you will only get played like this again. You need someone to tell you what constitutes "love" and what is only in your imagination. I'm so sorry that this is all you think of yourself, and hope you will discover your self-esteem and inner strength soon. Rori Raye http://blog.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (20 January 2009):
 I have to say that I totally agree with the anonymous male who originally responded to your question.
Someone who invests in her store to the tune of $800 dollars a month and never seeing anything in return is extremely generous. She proposed to you and not the other way around, she promised to come to CA when it was financially viable, NEVER happened eh!
After just 4 months of marriage you find cards and correspondence from Rick and you find Kurt in her apartment and he confirms that he has had sex with her and so has Rick. At this point I would be fuming if I were you. She has consistently cheated on you and the whole scenario of the apparent rape could have been a very glorified incident that MAY or MAY NOT have happened but you have NEVER consummated the marriage and therefore you could get a divorce on those grounds with very little effort I would have thought.
There are all these other guys getting sex from her but as her husband YOU have not. You have paying to keep her lifestyle quite sweet and pretty and all the so called promises have been with someone who lives in a completely different state to you. She can do WHAT she wants, WHEN she wants to do it and you are NOT THERE to see what's going on.
Don't continue to be used like a doormat, you deserve so much better than her and IF you do decide to ever marry again I would certainly make sure it was with someone who lived under the same roof as me and also who genuinely showed affection for my children and possibly their own. YOU should be the one to pop the question and not the other way around as you would truly know that you felt genuine love for that person.
Run for the hills is my personal advice. She has used and abused you for far too long and I wouldn't trust her no further than I could throw her.
She will tell you she loves you because you have been her sugar daddy and the whole mention by Kurt that she has children, what is the story on that as you don't mention that she has children herself?
If so, where is the daddy in all of this for her children to support them properly?
She could be a paid hooker for all you knew so I would say unattach yourself from this woman as soon as you can and although you have had very strong feelings for her thank your lucky stars that she screwed up so badly and you found out now and not 4 years down the line.
It is NEVER too late to find love so don't waste your life on someone who is NEVER going to give you what you want in return for your kindness and sincerity.
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): Sheesh! How can a woman who says she loves you--do this? Actions and words are not matching here. Listen, hun--You have a ton of evidence right before you..the sexy panties, Rick, Kurt, love notes, cards. Understand this--you have played by a master female manipulator, who just happens to be your wife.
The manipulator can never truly admit she is wrong. If you spend too much time with a manipulator, and your self-esteem is at all on shaky ground, her excuses and comments will eat away at your self-confidence. She'll talk the talk, she'll wheedle her way around you. But all she'll be doing is undermining you with subtle and twisted contradictory statements, lies, excuses and even warp her body language such that it doesn't match her words. In a "relationship" we tend to trust, and care about what our partner's think about us, so a relationship with a manipulator can be deadly to a man's sense of self. Unless of course, you have reached the pinnacle of toughness that you don't require validation from anything or anyone other than yourself....which might not be a bad survival technique to use with this woman, around! lol
Listen, when someone you know, even love a lot.. is pulling stunts like those mentioned above here, I think it's time to ditch the them FAST. Despite what she says or laments to you about her poor behaviors, I think if you were to not respond to her, and simply exit her life, then I will say that's very responsible of you. You are taking control of your life and your emotional well-being by actively dropping a severely stressful situation into the dusty bin of old memories, where it aptly belongs.
I think you are being played. get to a lawyer, do not try to even save this. If you do, you will be 'walked on' again and again. Now unless you are a sucker for punishment... you'd be real smart to call this a day.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): "I invested in her store in the midwest, subsidized her income to the tune of $800/mo this past year and a few in between."
What did that give you?
"Kurt had said that my wife had explained I was only a very sweet friend who married her so she and her three kids could have medical insurance."
Red Flag (even though it came from another guy, who is this Kurt guy anyways?)
"About the cards she said, I have told you that many men try to get to my heart, that it won't work, that you are the only man in my heart."
Oh really? Rick actually constitutes how many men named Rick? (you said there were several letters from "Rick").
Dude, she sounds like she is using you. Maybe others will have better input, but having been used once myself, I can tell you that I don't think she is faithful and honest. You can probably do better.
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