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Have been offered sex but feel guilty about the circumstances.

Tagged as: Sex, Teenage, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 May 2022) 6 Answers - (Newest, 13 May 2022)
A male United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

An older girl I am very attracted to has told me she is going to have sex with me and end my virginity for me but I am feeling weird because she is not doing it because she likes me that way but as a reward for a good deed. I want to have sex with her but I am feeling guilty about the situation.

She graduated from our high school two years ago and I just finished 10th. I recognized her at a boat dock with her little brother. I said hello to her but she did not remember me. I just went back to the back of my dad’s boat to tan in private because I am shy and did not want her to see my scrawny bod (think Peter Parker before he got Spidey powers).

Some redneck trash pulled up in a boat and the three ignorant hicks started saying really inappropriate things and calling her brother “boy” in that racist kind of way and asking her rude questions that like hinted at gang rape. The girl I like and her brother are half Jamaican so they have what I guess you would call mixed race features (sorry if that is not the right way to say it). Because I was laying down on the back of the boat on the other side of the dock these guys did not know I was there.

Even though I am normally the kind of guy to avoid a fight, I sat up in a panic and asked in a loud voice if she was OK. She looked at me and like I instantly saw how truly scared she was. I grabbed the fire extinguisher on the boat and ran at these dudes cursing like a maniac calling them inbreds and crap and spraying CO2 at them so she and her brother were able to run off the dock and get help.

Sadly, they went and hid and did not think about sending help. I would like to say I did some heroic damage in this story, but the truth is once I ran out of CO2 I got beat down and pounded on for a long time until another boat started to pull up. I was pretty destroyed and could barely move after they dropped me and took off. I did not have to go to the hospital or anything. It was just first aid and being so sore it was hard to move for a long time. My tummy muscles were sore for weeks.

I do think I might have gotten some puke on the bad guys. Otherwise, it was like them tossing around a rag doll. I felt humiliated for being mostly helpless and not doing better in the fight. They made me beg for mercy and shit and I admit I did but they just kept hurting me and called me a "n----r" lover. I wanted to hurt them so bad but I was not strong enough.

Either way, I got lots of sympathy and everyone acted like I was a hero. It was kind of brave but maybe a bad plan, but it bought them time to get away which was the point.

The parents of the girl I like and her brother were hyper grateful. They bought my family dinner that night and her dad offered me a summer job in his store. The little brother figured out I liked his sister based on my failed attempt to say hello before it all went down and he teased her for blowing me off. He asked me in front of everyone and I admitted I had a long crush on her from when she was at our school and the girl gave me a kiss on the cheek in front of everyone.

She kept asking if there was anything she could do and I was like thinking how to ask for another kiss and my older brother said I needed a date. She agreed to be my date for real at a school dance I was going to skip and because of her it was pretty epic. A lot of people knew her from before she graduated. She made me feel like a big shot at the dance and it was the most fun I have ever had at something like that. It gave me a lot of confidence. I loved the slow dances of course.

She drove us to a place after the dance down by a creek where it was dark and she asked me a lot of personal questions and I just started babbling like an idiot. I confessed I was a virgin and had a crush on her since I was a freshman. She made me talk a lot about how I had fantasized about her and stuff. She seemed to get off on knowing how into her I had been all this time. She asked if everything still worked down there because I got kneed in the balls so many times and I told her everything still worked. She thought it was funny how nervous I was talking with her about sex but did not like make fun of me in a mean way but like she thought it was cute or something.

Eventually, she started making out with me and telling me good guys deserved to be “rewarded” sometimes. There was some serious touching, she made me take off my shirt, and she made big deal about my muscles being sexy (which I did not believe but loved). She started rubbing me and asked if I had a condom. I did not because never in my dreams was this going to happen. She told me “next time” to be “prepared” and then drove me home because I had curfew.

So recently, she called and invited me to an overnight campout at the lake and told me not to forget the condoms. When I asked she said she was serious. I asked how many and she said as many as I wanted. She said to say I was going with her and her family but it would just be us in a tent for two all weekend. I still don’t know what to tell my parents to get permission and pull this off. I am not sure what to do.

It would be a dream come true to lose my virginity to her and I have fantasized about this constantly since I saw her again on the dock, but deep down I don’t think she would have anything to do with me if she was not feeling guilty about not sending help (which she apologized for) or was just rewarding me for helping them.

Maybe I should not care why and just let her rock my world, but I sort of feel like that would be taking advantage of someone who was just grateful because I did a good deed that helped her and her brother. Also, what happens after the sex? Will she still be interested in me or is this like paying off a debt and she is done with me.

What would you do?

View related questions: condom, confidence, crush, debt, muscle, shy

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (13 May 2022):

Honeypie agony auntIf you feel guilty about accepting, then don't accept.

She doesn't OWE you sex, and you don't OWE her sex either.

I'd suggest you TAKE the time to get to know the girl you hope to ONE DAY, have your first experience with.

Sex isn't like clipping your toes-nail, it means something or rather it SHOULD mean something.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2022):

Don't feel like you're taking advantage of her. She's going to enjoy this.. Bring a 12 pack. Make sure they fit right first. I'll let you figure that out. A friend receiveda BJ for a good deed done. She enjoyed as much as he. That's what he said.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2022):

I meant to say:

"You don't take advantage of anyone's emotions; or make people [feel they owe you payback] for doing a good deed."

She didn't ask for your help, you volunteered. You were outnumbered, and it was not a wise decision. Even you could have called for help, or dialed 911; if the guys got out of the boat to pursue the girl. In that case, she would have gotten better protection; and the culprits may have been identified and caught, and won't try it again. Not to take the wind out of your sails, because you're still a hero; in every sense of the word!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2022):

I'm going to be very honest and straight-up. I find it hard to believe this was written by a 16 year-old. It looks like something someone much older wrote; because it was so well detailed and professionally written.

I'll go with it, and respond for the sake of all the young guys who will someday face this predicament...or such a golden opportunity.

You don't take advantage of anyone's emotions; or make people should owe you payback for doing a good deed. She feels a debt of gratitude; and wants to make your dreams come true.

This is the problem; she doesn't want to be your girlfriend after you have sex. You will become insanely jealous when you see her with other guys; when you feel you both have something special going-on between you. You admit you recognize that it's basically because she is grateful; or feeling guilty she didn't get help. I can't see how she could see you getting your butt whooped by a bunch of goons; and it never crossed her mind to go get you help. She just hid and watched!

Thank God it didn't. but it could have turned out much worse than it had; and all she thought about was her own skin. I understand her fear overruling her common sense; but you, she, and her younger-brother needed some help in this situation. She could have called 911, at least for some medical attention; gave a description of the boat the guys in it; or even got video as proof. She had a chance while they were busy beating the ever-loving poop out of you! I know she had a phone!

You have to think on your feet when lives could be in danger; she is old enough to have reacted better, and she knows it.

If you think you'll grow attached to her after you have sex; then maybe you shouldn't. If you have an understanding that this may be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and you're ready for it; then seize on the chance. Don't expect her to be your girlfriend; and always remember that gratitude wears-off. If she wants you to go-away and not bother her; as if nothing ever happened, honor that request. She doesn't owe you anything. You did it because you're a good-man; and it was the right thing to do. You're only 16, and many more opportunities to lose your virginity will come your way.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2022):

This is a fabulous story and if true you really are a hero and for myself I would be rather proud of you.

I don't think you should be deceptive and go secretly camping basically because I'm worried that unpleasant people could disrupt you or endanger you.

Everything else is good.

Her dad likes you .

Can you introduce her to your mum or would that embarrass you.

If it's ok with your mum she could stop over at yours but perhaps that would be less romantic.

There must be some safe way for you to have a chance at romance.

Some couples start at sixteen and never look back.

Do you feel she would drop you afterwards and break your heart?

Is there a lovely safe beach hotel you could go to for a weekend?

Yes I think she likes and admires you and if your two world's met there could be a possible future for you both.

Don't be too concerned about rednecks. Avoid them.

They can't help being narrow minded...

But some are truly evil!

Please chose communities where you wont be a target.

There are so many beautiful places in the world where rednecks don't exist.

I would prefer you to take her to some lovely place where ethnicity is not a problem.

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A female reader, QueenCupcake United Kingdom +, writes (10 May 2022):

QueenCupcake agony auntI think you should tell her that you want to be with her and get to know her in a more serious way, not just sex. You don’t want any casual flings yet, not at your age, and especially not if it’s your first time. Get to know her a bit more. There’s more to life than just sex

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