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Gym is packed most of the time, so how do I go up to him and start a conversation? Scared of rejection.

Tagged as: Crushes, Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 June 2015) 7 Answers - (Newest, 14 June 2015)
A female United States age 26-29, *carlett101 writes:

Okay so I have been going consistently to the gym since january.

Back when I was freshly single. I spotted someone very cute but I looked awful cause I go to work out not look at guys but something about this guy makes me want to go talk to him.

I just don't know how exactly to do it; my brother found him on fb and he seems nice and he is single.

But what if he rejects me what do I do? I am insecure because I have braces but I want to talk to him.

Also the gym is packed most of the time and everyone is doing their own thing so how do I go up to him? and I am so scared of getting rejected. :(

View related questions: braces, insecure

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (14 June 2015):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntMake eye contact and smile from a distance if he reciprocates then approach.

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A female reader, golddigger99 United States +, writes (14 June 2015):

golddigger99 agony auntI am a regular gym-goer also, and I agree with everyone who has commented so far. Take things slow...say hi with a wave of your hand or a smile at first. After a few weeks of doing this, speak to him when you're near equipment. If he lifts weights, perhaps you can ask him to spot you. If not, ask him what he recommends for a run time or an incline, etc. After becoming friends on this level, take it from there. The worst thing you can do is be straight forward. If he isn't interested, this will hurt your ego, but if this happens, no worries. It happens to all of us. The worst that can happen is that he isn't interested and you will have to change your gym routine to arrive when he isn't there. It's happened to me already. It sounds worse that it is. Good luck! ;)

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A male reader, Garbo United States +, writes (12 June 2015):

Garbo agony auntStart a convo about a particular exercise and its benefits. Pick the excercise he does most, and inquire about it and how you could use it. If he responds, take the convo and keep it as long as possible, getting his name so you can say hello to him next time you see him. Take it from there. Good luck.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (12 June 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntMake eye contact, smile, say hi. Do that every time you are at the gym for a month. You don't need to do more than that for now, you are just trying to get familiar with him and get comfortable enough to just be in the same space without getting all worried and thinking too much.

If you happen to be near him using a piece of equipment, ask him for his advice on how to use it properly.

If he rejects, well, you go home, you do what you usually do, you wake the next morning and do what you usually do. Just because one man doesn't fancy you in that way isn't the end of the world. It happens! You get used to it. You move on.

You won't have braces forever. I remember one of my friends being super jealous of mine, way back in my mid-teens, because I was 'lucky' enough to have them, and her parents couldn't afford them. To her, they were a status symbol. To me, they were super annoying and weird. I did have a boyfriend at the time so they didn't hinder my teenage love-life, ha. My friend's attitude about my braces opened my mind to realize that I was in a lucky minority and I should just stop complaining about them.

Just make eye contact and smile, say hi. That's all. Do that for a month, then come back and let us know how you are feeling.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (12 June 2015):

Honeypie agony auntStart by saying hi when you see him. Hi and a smile. See how he reacts. That way... you have shown interest and unless he is VERY dense, he will pick up on that and return the favor.

IF he DOESN'T react in a positive way, then it's all good. And you will know he isn't interested.

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A male reader, empty-1 United States +, writes (12 June 2015):

rejection hurts. No lie there. However, there is something that hurts worse than rejection - regretting what might have been.

you will be rejected. Many times. That's a guarantee. You will not be hired for a job, a boyfriend will dump you, a bff will betray you, etc. You need to have the experience of putting yourself into the emotionally vulnerable position and experiencing the rejection that can sometimes result. It's a necessary part of growing up. You will find through that experience that it really doesn't hurt all that bad.

In the meantime, you won't get what you want out of life by waiting for someone else to give it to you.

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A female reader, Euphoria30 Germany +, writes (12 June 2015):

Dear OP,

Maybe not approaching him by asking him out straight away, because that could make things awkward if you see him again at the gym.

Instead, maybe you can ask him to show you a particular exercise that he does (while at the same time complimenting him about it)?

Ask him where he got those cool sneakers from? If he can lend you a pen so you can write down your exercise progress on a sheet? And while doing so, give him smile and eye contact, thank him extra-politely, so he gets curious about whether it might be that you like him..

Or you can find out if he's the kind of guy who always gets a drink after training at the counter, and then bump into him, while you yourself get a drink. Smile, nod, ask about the flavour of his drink. Or his protein bar.

Basically, find some innocent excuse to be close to him and ask him something, while showing with your body language that you like him.

If he shows no interest whatsoever and just coldly hands you his pen, you didn't lose your face and it will still be okay to go to the gym next time.

If he likes you, maybe you can start a casual conversation out of this. And the next time, you can say hi and have another short conversation. And the next time, you can ask him if he's busy right after training?

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