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Guy at work admits he likes me but won't me as he doesn't date co-workers. What can I do?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 February 2007) 6 Answers - (Newest, 5 February 2007)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *oops writes:

I have been going out with some guys from work once a week for a month or two now, a big group of us go, but I have two particular friends who I always thought were gay, who I'm closer to than the rest.

The first is most definitely gay, however the second started to become provocative on nights out, and rumors spread around my work place that he liked me. I confronted him with it on our last night out, only to be told yes it was true, and he did like me. But wouldn't do anything about it because we work together. I do really like this bloke so it came as a bit of a shock.

I don't know what to do now, going back to work and nights out as if nothings ever gone on seems like it will never happen, and I'm very confused as to why he says he likes me but doesn't want anything to do with me. There are many couples in our work place and its never been a problem with them

Any advice would be brilliant

Thanks Loops

View related questions: at work, co-worker

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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom +, writes (5 February 2007):

AskEve agony auntHave you never heard the old saying "never mix business with pleasure?" Maybe this is how he's thinking. There's like and LIKE... it could be that he does like you, but only in a platonic sense and doesn't want to start a relationship with you. Again, he may be scared that if he takes it to the next level and starts seeing you on a boyfriend/girlfriend basis and things don't work out then it will ruin the wonderful friendship you already have.

I wouldn't pressure this guy about it though, he obviously has his reasons. I would continue as if nothing happened and ignore his "come ons" to you. Better having him as a friend than not having him at all right?


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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom +, writes (4 February 2007):

kenny agony auntSome places hold a strict policy on office dating. But your place seems quite layed back with regards to co-workers dating, as you mention there are many couples in your work place.

I do think this guy likes you, however i think he is shy or scared to ask you out.

Why don't you suggest the two of you do something after work together one evening.

Good luck x

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A male reader, maxsteel86 United Kingdom +, writes (4 February 2007):

maxsteel86 agony auntHe doesn't date co-workers... that sucks for you I guess but I dont see how you can change him. Most people have trouble changing aspects of someone they're in a relationship with, it'll be super hard trying to do the same to someone you're NOT in a relationship with unfortunately

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A female reader, loops United Kingdom +, writes (4 February 2007):

loops is verified as being by the original poster of the question

We are both only weekend staff, as we are students, hes doing a degree moved here from another place, im starting a degree at the end of this year so the chances of us staying in the same work place for a decent time are minimal

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A female reader, cd206 United Kingdom +, writes (4 February 2007):

cd206 agony auntIt's not a problem to be in a couple with someone you work with. The problem comes when you break up and still have to see them every day. Maybe you're mature enough to deal with that eventuality but it doesn't sound like he is.


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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2007):

Well, how relationships progress can be uncertain, as I'm sure you know. He is being cautious because he realizes that if the two of you were to start dating, and sooner or later it began going wrong, then it would be difficult and awkward to be in daily contact at work.

He doesn't want that, and I expect you don't, either. If you can continue to go out as a group and enjoy his company in that setting - but without singling him out for special attention - perhaps you could do that. MAYBE in time he will change his mind - but don't count on it!

Of course, if either one of you leaves and goes to work somewhere else, then you would be free to date.

Meantime, accept what he has told you, and see if there are other men you might like to get to know.

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