A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Thank you for your help with my question I posted athttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-wife-cheated-with-a-72-year-old.htmlHere's some more context on the situation. Someone asked: (original question, with answers in brackets below!)--------Here's a few suggestions thrown out for you to think about:What was she like before all this started? Was she friendly, fun, loving and respectful to you? Was she sweet-natured and on an even keel most of the time (apart from the stresses and frustrations, bits of temper and disappointments we all go through). Could the two of you talk easily - or at least talk calmly - about raising your son; work; finances, other problems? Or did communication between you always tend to be a bit difficult?---She was fun-loving, friendly and respectful to me. Communication was nearly always good!-------Has she brought up things previously where she seemed unhappy with your relationship? Has she ever indicated that she thought you are:overly critical of her in general? ---I've never been critical towards her----thinks you don't listen to her and/or don't value her ideas and opinions?Bossy and demanding your own way most or much of the time?---She never indicated anything of the sort, she was easy-going towards me.Also, I was asked on here:----Does she feel that you don't pull your own weight around the home in terms of housecleaning, shopping, looking after your son? A five year old can be very hard to deal with, much as you both love him, if your wife doesn't work, or is home alone with him all day, and doesn't get much chance to have a babysitter sometimes so that she can go out with women friends, or the two of you can socialize.------- Well, I do the housework too - we do it equally. I took paternity leave again so I could spend some more time with my son.Also on here, someone asked me:---Can you think of anything at all that might have provoked her into erupting like this? How about your relationship with both your parents and siblings, friends, etc.?----Nothing caused her to erupt like this, as far as I know, it just seemed to come out of the blue.When she told me this guy was better in bed than me, the description was the following: "His d**k was better than yours, and he's a stallion in bed compared to you and your obese body!" (I keep fit every day, and eat healthily, not to extremes, so how can I be obese? Isn't that stupid)She also said he didn't need Viagra, he felt way younger than 72 and acted it too. In response to mrkhmcookie, who wrote here: -----For most women emotional "love making" is much better than "fucking",(especially an old saggy 72 yr old). Make everything all about her all day. give her everything you've got, including a good massage and maybe even cook for her, show her you still have some romance and some passion.-----I did try and give her a romantic night in (before you'd suggested this!), it failed dramatically - she didn't want sex, she called me obese and said I didn't look very good in my undies compared to him (the 72-year-old man).My wife doesn't want to be with anyone else but me AND him, she said.She's a good mother and was a good wife, but now I'm having doubts about whether to divorce her or not, as she's never cheated on me before, and never in the past before me - when we met she said she wanted a loyal, faithful man and she got that.I still feel disgusted and sick thinking about the whole thing. If you were in my situation what would you do??I could speak to the guy himself, but I don't know him personally, and don't know where he lives exactly, and also it would be ungentlemanly to do.How can I deal with this and cope with the emotions - your help has been invaluable so far.I can't understand why my beautiful 26-year-old wife would go off with a 72-year-old man.Also, how do you think my village would react if they knew what this man was like - this man is well-liked and respected, he does stuff that raises large amounts of money for charity every year and is a prominent figure in village life. If I exposed him what repercussions could/would happen?Thanks so far for all your help.Mark
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): Let her go for the sad old wrinkly,she will wake up one day totally disgusted with herself and I'm sure deep down you are already disgusted with her.He won't leave for the sake of S------G a younger woman, don't blame the old geezer he must be flattered and can't believe his good fortune.Give her a last chance to sort it out for ever or let her drown in her own mess, you on the other hand can start again and find someone without such horrible baggage, he will peg it then what next for HER,you will go on and find someone nice who deserves your trust and forgiveness and kindness, bet she'll want you then rather than the zimmer case. Good luck and may you have a long and happy life
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): Mark, are there any more developments. Any decisions taken??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): Mark, you are too good for your wife.Your wife doesn't even deserve you.
Don't let her think that you cannot function without her. You are strong, you will survive. And you will, one day, after all the hurt and pain, find another someone to love, respect & cherish you.
I wish you all the happiness going forward. And you will find that happiness.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): Mark,
I'm the woman who threw out all those ideas for your consideration.
Having read your response now, I have to say that your wife is being totally disrespectful, humiliating and insulting to you in every way she can. It doesn't sound as if she really wants to remain in the marriage.
I think you have to make it crystal clear that she cannot continue with this outrageous behavior any longer. It is not good for you, and certainly not good for your child.
She has to leave. Tell her to pack her bags and go live with her parents if she says she has nowhere else to go.
Of course she says she wants you AND him. She wants you because you are her meal ticket (in her opinion).
Is it likely that the 72 year-old will leave his wife and let her live with him? Not a snowball's chance in hell.
You don't have to confront him - I really wouldn't, in your shoes - nor do you need to involve other people in your village. It isn't any of their business what your marital problems (or his) are.
I strongly recommend that you talk to a lawyer to see what your options are, as well as find a counsellor with whom you will have good rapport, emotional support and trust. You're going to need both to help you through this awful time - for you and your son.
Once again, don't hesitate to keep us posted if there is any way we can assist and support you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): After reading all this I can't help but think that maybe instead of dating her you were dating her representative. I think she sees the golden ticket. She is disrespectfull and sounds like a horrid human being. I realize that in every marriage you must give it your 100%. But,,,, and this is a big BUT. ONLY after you realize that youve given your all and wieghed your pros and cons when the list of cons outweighs the pros you must leave. From what youve said I see that she has:
degraded you
humiliated you
cheated on you physically
cheated emotionally
withholds physicall affection
emotionally abuises you
gives physicall affection to another man...
of course she wants you both. You see he cannot be seen with a 26yr old being a piller of the community. How trashy would that look.. And she needs her running man(you) to take care of the basics. I assure you you are being pushed out and he does not want her in the picture just in the bed. The only reason she is still there is because he has not let her move in. YOu could be the kindest man in the world but right now you need to be strong. Women expecially this type only respect a man who respects himself as a man. Right now your being led with your heart and not your head. Have her bags packed and tell her if his D**k is so good go and get it.... you need to care for your self and family first and always in this type of situation...I cannot even think of how its affecting your children...if you cant do it for you do it for them. GOOD LUCK...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): Straying is one thing I suppose, if the involved party genuinely regrets it, but her thoughtlessness and criticism of your appearance etc. are unforgivable. Please don't reward this woman for her selfish behavior by continuing to love/support her. Divorce her sorry @$$ and move on with your life, and good riddance to her
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): "as she's never cheated on me before" - you would never know this for sure. "i did try and give her a romantic night in (before you'd suggested this!), it failed dramatically - she didn't want sex, she called me obese and said I didn't look very good in my undies compared to him" - TOTAL DISRESPECT FOR YOU, HUMILIATION AND DEGRADING YOU, all the time."he does stuff that raises large amounts of money for charity every year and is a prominent figure in village life." - THIS DOES NOT EXCUSE HIS BEHAVIOUR, HE ACTS LIKE A SAINT YET IS A SINNER. THINK OF HIS POOR WIFE WHO HAS TO LIVE WITH HIM. IF YOUR WIFE IS MAKING YOU MISERABLE, WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING TO HER? I SAY EXPOSE HIM FOR THE FRAUD THAT HE IS."My wife doesn't want to be with anyone else but me AND him, she said." BULLSHIT, SHE IS NOT SUFFERING FROM ANY MENTAL ILLNESS, AS WAS PREVIOUSLY SUGGESTED. SHE CANNOT F**K HIM AND YOU. THE GALL OF HER EVEN SUGGESTING IT. SHE CANNOT CONTINUE HER AFFAIR AND BE YOUR WIFE. SHE IS MAKING A MOCKERY OF YOU. YOU PUT A STOP TO THIS NONSENSE. NOW."She's a good mother and was a good wife, but now I'm having doubts about whether to divorce her or not, " YOU ARE WRONG, SHE ONLY PROJECTED THAT IMAGE SO THAT YOU WOULD NOT FIND OUT. SHE CONFESSED BECAUSE SHE IS READY TO LEAVE YOU. SHE DOES NOT WANT YOU, SHE MADE THIS ABUNDANTLY CLEAR. Your wife is not delusional, she is not suffering from the mental illness we all want her to have so that she has an excuse for her behaviour. She wants out and you cannot stop her. She wants this other man. Are you going to wait around for her to torment you further. YOU ARE NOT HER OR THIS MAN'S DOORMAT. Stop acting like she has a case. She is nothing more than......(call her what you want). i AM SORRY BUT THIS IS WAY TOO CREEPY. You have done your fair share in your marriage, you have contributed to the success of your marriage, helping with chores, baby etc. Any woman will admire/love and respect their spouse. Your wife doesn't. RUBBISH IS WHAT YOU DO NOT NEED IN YOUR LIFE. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS WIFE OF YOURS. FEED HER TO THE VULTURES!
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