A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. My bf and I have been together for almost 5 years. Because of work we have lived 2 hours away for the past year. He has said he wants to marry me and I am his soulmate. When his dad died a couple of weeks ago, he told me they were not having a funeral, just a family gathering to celebrate his life, this is what his mom wanted. He told me on the Thursday this would be the following Tuesday. He did not ask me to be there, or tell me he wants me there or invite me in any way. He specifically said "its just going to be family". I didn't say anything, I waited for him to indicate to me what he wanted me to do. But he said nothing further, except on the Monday before he said he was going to fetch his child with ex and her child, his stepchild in that marriage. So it went ahead, I wan't there. I don't understand why he didn't ask me to be ther. I find it strange. I know his whole family, we've been together 5 years. Not sure if I'm overreacting, and I haven't spoken of it again with him, I just let it go. But ti bothers me a bit. I asked him to come to, alsmost jsut assumed he would come, when we had my grandmother's funeral a couple of months ago.
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female
reader, firefly23  +, writes (20 August 2013):
I would have thought that him telling you about the funeral served as asking you to be there. Perhaps he is wondering why you didn't come. Think about it before you write him off, I say.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 August 2013):
 What I don't get is why you didn't ask him where and when you needed to show up.
Instead of waiting for him to "invite" you.
I would bring it up for sure, it makes no sense.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2013): What is wrong with him? I wouldn't let that go at all. I would confront him and ask him what his problem was in not inviting you to his father's gathering for you to celebrate his life also. "Its just going to be family" is a slap in the face to you. You know his family, you have known them for 5 YEARS.Don't be a doormat in this instance. When someone you love passes away in a family you are suppose to be there for each other to SUPPORT one another, not push someone away.I wonder if his fathers friends were there that knew him and other associates like co-workers that his father worked with too besides "family." There is a reason he didn't want you there OR someone told him they didn't want you there is always a possiblity.But, I would talk to him, see what he has to say, if he makes up a story or lies or tells you the truth.I would certainly be questioning the relationship and wondering if I would want to stay in it at all.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 August 2013):
 why did you even assume you needed to be asked...
you have been together 5 years, you live together 2 hours away from what you consider home (although HOME is where YOU as an ADULT Live with your LIFE PARTNER)
If it was me I would have just asked when we were leaving, were we staying overnight etc... I would have just made the what to me would be a logical assumption that my partner wanted me there for his grief.
YOU clearly do not feel like a full partner with this man.
And clearly he does not see you as fully integrated into his life.
consider that this is all you are ever getting from him. and if that's the case it may be time to "go home"
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 August 2013):
 The difference between your's and his reactions.... is that YOU give a damn about HIM.... but HE doesn't give a damn about YOU!!!!
Ask him about that. I believe that you will find that I am correct... and that you have wasted 5 years believing that this guy was going to be a good partner... when, in fact, he's not..
Good luck with your NEXT romance....
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