A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Wow, so I am in a really bad situation. It really sucks, and I feel like SUCH an asshole for not doing anything about it. Basically, I am in a relationship that I dont want to be in. I dont like her, I for sure dont love her, and I only am with her because we live together and our finances are very strict right now (at least mine are). Also, I am with her because I am using her for sex. Im to the point now where I really dont care, and I will really degrade her during sex too, call her bad names and pretty much have my way with her, and when I am done I roll over and act as if she does not exist.I continue to tell her I love her, but only when she tells me. I dont want to tell her, but I dont want her to know my true feelings. I act as if everything is fine. I keep this smile, this mask, but when she is not around I feel as though I can not take it anymore. Im loosing it, im falling apart...Truly she is a great person, and if it was not for some things I could probably love her, marry her, and spend my life with her. But I cant! I... Just... Cant. I want to, but I cant, we are not for each other. I wish we were, but we are not. I constantly think about how miserable I am, how disgusting I am by her, how I wish things were different, how I wish I could just escape from all of this or change things for the better, but I cant. I feel like such an asshole because I am lying to her about how I feel, and i am using her for money and sex.Also, to make it even worse... I am pretty sure I am going to start cheating on her. There is a girl who has been in and out of my life long before my gf. This girl wants me badly, she has always wanted me. She is in town for about a week and is staying in a hotel and just texted me asking me to come over later. I know what she wants, its what she always wants when she is in town. Also, I have been wanting to go out and meet other women, and start having sex with other women.Also, I do not plan on breaking up with my gf, I will just cheat on her and continue to use her. I know its fucked up, I know its bad, I wish I would not do it, but I dont think I can stop myself. I have not cheated on her yet, but I think when I go see the girl at the hotel later I am definitely going to fuck her. And if I start there I might as well continue. Maybe my gf will find out and leave me, that would be for the better.
View related questions:
money, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (10 July 2008):
 Did you not read what I wrote?You are copping out of breaking up with your girlfriend, for your own selfish needs!Stop being a coward and get it over with, you say you're looking for someone to settle down with? GO FIND HER! So your girlfriend can find someone who truly deserves her instead of you continuing to use her!God, I don't care about your financial arrangement; move out of the city if you can't afford to live on your own. You're wasting this girl's time, setting her up for some emotional damage and the fact that you're trying to justify what you're doing, even though you KNOW you're a jerk?Makes me sorry for you.Seek help.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): I repeat:
Vow, I feel very sorry for you; you have a problem; you know that what you are doing is wrong; yes, very WRONG; however; you are such a COWARD; you cannot be honest with your girlfriend;
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): You sir are an idiot, go and do whatever you want...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): I am not such an cruel sick man... to cope with my need for other women I have persuade my gf into being ok with a threesome. So, I will still get some more pussy"
Sinner know thyself.......
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everyone, thanks for the replies, here is a little update.
I am not such an cruel sick man, in fact, I am doing everything I can to make this work. I have decided against cheating. The other girl begged for me, and without a second thought I resisted... Ok, so when I wrote this I had other intentions, but after really thinking it through I realized it would be cheap, and potentially dangerous, so I left it alone.
However, to cope with my need for other women I have persuade my gf into being ok with a threesome. So, I will still get some more pussy, and let me girl get some at the same time too.
However, my feelings for her are still mixed, and as far as me actually loving her and really thinking she is the one, no way. I could never marry a girl like her, she is definitely not marriage material. However, the problem is that I am, actually, looking for someone to settle down with.
She thinks that I love her, and that I want to spend my life with her, and if I came clean she would leave, so I will continue to lie to keep her around so that I can continue to use her for sex and milk more money out of her. Hey, its not like I dont have my own money, or spend money on her, or buy her things, or pay the bills, but we live in a big city, and its really expensive, so we split things (in case you were wondering what I ment by using her for her money).
...............................
A
female
reader, scrazy +, writes (6 July 2008):
Oh god, you asshole!
That had to be said - what the hell are you doing with this girl if you only use her as a sex toy and a piggy bank? Now you purposely plan on hurting her by having sex with someone else?! And then you hope she'll find out and dump you?!
That is the biggest cop-out I've ever read! Stop using this girl and get out of this mess of a relationship you caused!
I don't care what you say to defend yourself; you already KNOW you're an asshole so stop delaying the break up by the fear of hurting her!
You hurt her enough by not loving with her even though she loves you and lets you use her to your advantage!
You are a sick man for hurting this poor girl like this and now intentionally planning on hurting her! How could you be so CRUEL to a human being? Do you honestly hate her that much that you must destroy her so?!
Break up with this girl. Man up for God's sakes and stop using her for your selfish needs. She deserves better than you and you know!
And if you sleep with that other girl, you are lower then dirt with no chance of being raised any higher, I hope you know that. I have no respect for anyone who uses a person for their own selfish needs/wants then comes on this site, whining and complaining about the crappy relationship they're in!
You brought this on yourself. Fix it.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): Previous anon answerer:No, I never defended what he's doing.That's what YOU read into what I wrote. If you got off your high horse long enough to read what I wrote through unbiased eyes, then you would have realized that.I do not support what he's doing at all.But you're the one who needs to grow up. Men don't exactly have a monopoly on taking advantage of boring stable relationships with partners they're not really in love with. Women CONSTANTLY get with men they're not in love with just for their money/support/power/status. It was historically more necessary a while back, but that's not exactly a big factor anymore. (Now don't start bullshiting me that this still is a big factor. It's not. Modern women make almost as much money as men now, but as a whole they still expect to marry level/upward as much as before.)And modern women have also coined the phrase "I love him, but I'm just not IN LOVE with him." Need I say more about this situation? So, can you explain to me how those situations are so much less wrong than the one this guy is in? Try as I might, I don't really see any differences. Maybe I'm just bigoted and slow but it sure seems like the same thing to me.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): "At least this guy is freely admitting he's so wrong." So I guess that makes everything OK then, Mr anonymous reader. What kind of person are you? How is your advice helping the situation any. Even the bloody question asker knows that the situation is wrong."It really sucks, and I feel like SUCH an asshole for not doing anything about it". Male anonymous 22-25, from the USA.Now you come along and tell a woman whose suffered ill treatment to "chill out". Who the hell do you think you are. Is treating women like this normal in your world. You congratulate this nasty man and say nothing about what he has done and what he should do. Abuse is one thing, but trying to defend the abuse takes the buscuit. Your woman, if you have one, really picked a prize when she turned her eyes on you. Don't you men have a heart, don't you know what it feels like when you use a woman like this. I hope you don't have mothers, daughters, sisters to see what bastards you've become. What goes arround comes around, we all know that one day you will get you just deserts. I hope that money gold digging woman finds your arse and makes you crawl on the ground like the snake you are. Why don't you go to hospital and ask them to replace that heart of yours, it's got a defect and dosen't work in the normal way.... Hell, why you want to go and cause a woman more pain anyway, are you a sadist or just another Sick, cruel freak, who loves to hurt people and do them wrong.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): Oh, chill out anon female. Girls do plenty of the same thing to guys. They'll stay with a "comfortable" boring guy that they never really felt hot about for decades. And these women sometimes think the lack of "spark" excuses them cheating on him with more exciting guys.At least this guy is freely admitting he's so wrong.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Vow, I feel very sorry for you; you have a problem; you know that what you are doing is wrong; yes, very WRONG; however; you are such a COWARD; you cannot be honest with your girlfriend;
I feel so sorry for you; I do believe you wrote the question as you do realize you need help; well I suggest you go for counselling; there must be some unresolved issues in your life that caused you to behave like this;
don't delay, get help soon; only once you have looked at yorself in the mirror and dealt with all your issues, will you be able to consider any menaing full relationship;
I urge to get help!
...............................
A
female
reader, Katrien  +, writes (4 July 2008):
The thing is you said it...
"And if I start there I might as well continue."
That is the way with most bad behaviour. You do it the first time, and you feel awful. After that, everytime you do it, you feel bad, but a little less so... And after a while you stop feeling.
You think that is great, not feeling so bad anymore, but it is NOT. Because you are training yourself to stop feeling and you stop your natural ability to have a conscience about your actions.
It will be easier to mistreat the next girlfriend and the one after that...
Stop now. Get out.
Not only for her sake, but for yours.
...............................
A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 Get out of it. If it makes you feel so bad, and it robs you of your self-respect and honesty, I can't see any reason to stay.
What goes around comes around. If you want people to do the right thing by you in future, you owe it to yourself to do the right thing by this girl.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Ah, I see you are in quite a predicament, well, consider this quote...
"Sticks and stones may break your bones when there's anger to inpart.
Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart."
Basically, that means, though you think it would be better for her to not know what you are doing, that actually will hurt her more than coming right out and telling her.
If you truly do hate yourself for decieving her, trust me my friend, the pain you feel now will not EVEN compare to what will come later on.
For one day, long down the road of life, this power known as regret will come, and rip your heart to shreds.
To see what is right and not to do it, that is cowardice. Are you a coward? Any man will be insulted to be called that.
Imagine this, if you were to have kids, or perhaps younger brothers, find out what you were doing, how would you feel?
Believe it or not, a person or two HAS looked up to you, now tell me, what will they see?
A man who dares not take the right path simply because it would mean more obstacles? Or someone, who knew what the right thing to do, though it meant more hardshps, and actually did it?
If ya can't answer that, tell me, what would the people who look up to you EXPECT? Will you be the one they look up to for justice? someone who inspired them to become a better person??
And lastly, consider the damage you are doing to your girlfriend. Truly take a second to think how her life will shatter, slowly but surely, the more you do this.
Be a man, a man of honor and dignity, and do the right thing. Yes, she will likely cry, but her heart will appreciate greatly if you simply told her how it is.
Sometimes, the hardest things in life are the right things to do...
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008):
Just letting a woman support you and be your sex toy even though you don't feel the same about her, this is not wrong. Not if she knows the deal and she would rather have it this way than lose you.
But lying to her about your feelings to keep it going? And cheating on her? That much is wrong. Way wrong.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): You stupid man don't you realise how much you could hurt your gf if you don't love her just tell her it would hurt less than her finding out you cheated on her and used her. taking her money is really wrong she worked for that its like stealing you are like a bloody prostitute you have sex then take her money. when she finds out she'll take you to court and take your money away at the end
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): Well, if anything end this for selfish reasons.....this will come backa and haunt you in the form of karma. The world gives back EVERYTHING. You are setting yourself up for a miserable life and she deserves to be allowed to find someone that treats her with respect and loves her.
You are extremely unkind and selfish, get a grip of yourself!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): your behavior will catch up with you sooner or later. keeping someone in a loveless relationship is not helping either of you. what if you really like another girl while you are with this one? what is so bad about her anyway. perhaps you are just not mature enough to be in a relationship
...............................
A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot +, writes (3 July 2008):
 I'm wondering why you posted the question?
It would be sad that one day when you really fall in love with someone, it turns out they are using you, wouldn't it?
Why are you afraid to let go of this relationship?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): Amazing- other people like my ex boyfriend exist as well! We lived together for one and half years too- and he cheated the whole time.
What a gem of a person you are. Your 'girlfriend' is really lucky.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): So, what's your question?
I think you're a person who does not come here to ask for relationship advice, but to make people mad by writing ridiculous statements.
But if you are what you really wrote, well buddy, karma is a bitch and she will come around to get you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (3 July 2008):
So what you are saying is that you are an evil horrible man. What do you expect us to say?
You know you are acting badly and you are choosing to continue. You could stop any time you liked.
Either shape up and change your life, or just go and rot under a rock. You deserve every bit of pain you get and more.
...............................
A
female
reader, xxbrittanyxx +, writes (3 July 2008):
are you crazy.if you know it's not right dont do it.TRY TO DO THE RIGHT THING.it works out for everybody.it's really bad because when you do that to sombody it comes right back around TWICE as bad.so just quit the relationship for your sake and her's.be a real man.
...............................
|
