A
male
age
30-35,
*razybeast
writes:Its been about 2 and a half years since my mum has asked me if I was gay. She still don't treat me the same as she did before which doesn't help.Seriously how long does she need! She has always had gay friends she's loved her brother who is gay! Why the f*** is she just shouting at me for no reason and why does she ignore me at times. Fair enough she might need time to "heal" but how log does jt bloody take? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (25 January 2012):
 Tell her she needs to watch "Prayers for Bobby" - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1073510/
See if that doesn't change her attitude some.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 January 2012):
 You're gay and that's fine, but you need to understand that many people have a problem with it. This is the point you're not getting. I wonder why.
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A
male
reader, crazybeast +, writes (16 January 2012):
crazybeast is verified as being by the original poster of the question I didn't explain why I used y sister as an example. She's a bitch, in short. Always wanted more and was spoilt rotten, my mum literally hates her and I feel that she is now treating me like she did my sister before they didn't talk anymore and her attitude change was literally over night after I admitted I was gay. Not to sound big headed but quite frankly I am the better child, atleast in a behavioural and academic sence. I'm four years younger than her and when we do see her she will still be acting like a 15 year old when she doesn't get what she wants.
Why I didn't tell her I was gay? Well simple, she beat me too it. I'm not sure if my uncle told her or one of her friends did but she asked me and I thought I couldn't deny it so I just said yeah I am. I've been openly gay to my friends for years now and it seems plausible that one of them told their parents or something like that.
At the minute I don't have the money or the job to move out since I have still got another year at collage and plus I think moving out would be avoiding/running away from the problem... No?
Me and my mother have only spoken about me being gay twice... Fair enough if she just doesn't want to talk about it but the times we have said something I've basically been told to hide who I am. When outed me she told me not to make it so public... IE tell my friends and have my sexuality on facebook etc... The second time we talked it was about 5 minutes long in the car when she asked me not to be, and I quote, "one of those camp fags" I am far from flamboient but does she really need to ask it? She also resaid about me not making it public... She said it in a way that cuts through me like it was a demand rather then a kind suggestion.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 January 2012):
 Why did she have to ask you? Didn't you tell her?
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (15 January 2012):
 "Well she hadnt for me atleast but she did for my sister and I don't want to feel like that."
You do appear to be linking this to your sexuality, when in fact she is now just treating you the same as your sister, nothing more. Your sister has lived with this, so why do you feel you shouldn't have to? Are you better and more special than your sister? Do you think she has ever felt jealous that your mother yelled at her but not you?
You need to stop thinking that it is all about you being gay, it isn't. Being gay doesnt matter. It is how you behave that matters. Have you started giving your mother grief, getting stroppy with her?
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A
male
reader, crazybeast +, writes (15 January 2012):
crazybeast is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's not that I'm actually demanding anything, it's just that she will start an argument over the smallest thing and she has never done this. Well she hadnt for me atleast but she did for my sister and I don't want to feel like that. I'm just at the point where I just think.. I honestly cannot stand you and I hate feeling like that. I just thought she wouldve changed in the slightest within 2 years...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): Please don't take this the wrong way, but this is my experience with this situation. My Uncle is gay. When he came out to the family, it wasn't a massive shock as most people had guessed from the way he was anyway (I think that kind of deflated him as it wasn't the big announcement he had hoped).My Grandparents, being from a generation where homosexuality was a crime, took it very well, although they did not understand his actions or why he was like that, they supported him, even though they didn't agree with his lifestyle choices.....(lets just say he was doing things that were not very nice at times, casual sex etc). They even allowed his much younger partner (my age!) to come and stay when he visited them. Now, as a family we have been nothing but supportive of him, but since he came out, he has been far more vocal about all sorts of subjects, how he is so hard done by, and everything is the poor me im 'gay' the world has it in for me. There is a chip a mile long on his shoulder about all sorts of things and he is VERY bitter. He is never happy and nothing we do is good enough, because we are not bending over backwards all the time, and he uses the fact he is gay to excuse his rude and arrogant behaviour. Im sorry, but sexual orientation does not have any bearing on good manners, behaviour or how you should treat people. It got so bad that he actually just stopped talking to us, because we were not always going "poor you"...he hated not being the centre of attention. My Nan called him, sent letters, christmas and birthday cards, left messages with his secretary. He refused to acknowledge any of it. For all we knew he was dead in the gutter. Even when his father was dying, he refused to come back and see him. You have given your Mother a shock. No matter how open you are to these things, when you have a child, you imagine a certain life, a future, what will happen to your child. Most people would think this as marriage, kids etc from a 'heterosexual' point of view. She is struggling that the dreams she had for you, are now going to be very different to the ones she imagined as you were growing up. She will no longer have a daughter-in-law, but a son-in-law. It is a big thing for her to get her head round. Having gay friends and family, does not make it any easier to accept this, that what you dreamed of will never happen. You are her baby, and what her friends and brother do is totally different. Grandkids for example, is something a lot of mothers think about. (I know mine does) But is that now ever going to happen? In many ways it has nothing to do with you, she still loves you as much as she did before. But you have to understand, that her "little boy" will have a very different kind of life to what she dreamed of. This is a very two-way situation. How much support do you give her, or do you just expect her to accept it and get over it? How agressive are you when you talk about it? Do you expect special treatment? Or is it, that you are being overly sensitive and are mis-interpreting everything to be associated with your sexual orientation, when really she is just yelling at you for being a normal teenager? Your Mother loves you, you will always be her son. BE her son, dont put up barriers. Just go and give her a hug.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (15 January 2012):
You need to realize that homosexuality is not a problem for you, but it is a hell of a problem for others. I would assume you'd know that by now. You may be frustrated, but so is she.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (15 January 2012):
 She has no right to treat you this way. If she can accept her brother and her friends, then she should have no problem accepting you. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells with her now that she knows who you really are. Her attitude shouldn't have changed at all. Tell her that you need to talk to her and ask her what makes you different from her brother and friends? Hopefully after this talk, she can see how much this affects you. If she doesn't change her attitude, then maybe you should limit your contact with her because you deserve to be accepted by your own family, no matter your sexual orientation.
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