A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello maybe someone can help me out, thank you in advance. My ex and I broke up back in late January and within almost a month he got into a new relationship. We were together 3 1/2 years so him moving on in just a month kind of hurt me because I'm still not even over him yet.The thing is - the woman he is with now was a mutual friend of ours (more his friend than mine, they met at his work I just knew of her)It's all kind of weird because, well, he had gone to her for some relationship advice (regarding him and I) in the past, and I feel that maybe towards the end of our relationship, there was something going on behind my back between the two, although he denied this completely. I think this because as soon as he broke up with me, he started going to her for support, they started becoming very close, and then started dating, all within not even a month's time. It just seems to me that he was moving on from me to her while we were still together. They were communicating online and through texting a lot, but I was told repeatedly that nothing was wrong and that he loved me. I really don't think he cheated but I told him after our break up that I felt played by him and he of course denies this also. Doesn't this all just seem strange? Or am I over-thinking things? If he moved on to someone else so quickly, does this mean he was over me before we even broke up?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2016): I was with my ex for nearly 8 years when I met someone else. I didn't cheat on him (physically or emotionally) but I knew that my feelings were too strong for the other person. We had been having a few issues in our relationship before this for over a year and maybe I had checked out of the relationship already which made it easier to move on. I'm just letting you know it's quite possible that he did not cheat. I personally feel that I wasn't the bad person in the relationship. I hurt my ex and I also cried alot after we broke up but these things happen
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2016): You just broke up end of January. You are definitely not over him yet. It's tempting cuz he's reaching out to you. Although you are well aware that he already has a girlfriend, there's still a part of you that keeps hoping... Maybe....Thing is, you know for a fact that he cheated emotionally on you already. He hurt you and broke up with you. Remember all the pain you went through and are still going through? Why are you going to allow him to put you through that again?He's a jerk. Recognize that. Evrn if you are single, you are better off than being with a jerk like him. He never considered your feelings when you were together, because he was bonding emotionally with her. He never considered your feelings when he broke up with you to be with her. Once again he's never considered your feelings when he reached out to you. It was and IS ALL ABOUT HIM. It's to make him feel good as a person.Don't do that to yourself. You're half way to recovery, push yourself to go the remaing half and be rid of him for good!Be strong!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2016): He absolutely was cheating on you with her. And broke up with you to be with her. He is not being honest with you. And you are not going to get the truth out of him. He just doesn't want to come off as the bad guy. That's more important to him than being honest with you. Also, if he tells you the truth, that he is a two timer, you will most certainly move on and never look back. If he has you believe that he was a great guy, never cheated, and just randomly happened to date this girl now, you will be more sympathetic toward him in the future, if it doesn't work out with her, and he comes crying begging to have you back. Two-timers always weigh out all their options. This guy is a big jerk. Move on and never look back.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 March 2016):
 You need to let this go, it is not doing your mental health any favors, it doesn't matter any more if he cheated or he didn't what matters now is that he is with someone else and they are together now. So you need to move on with your life and focus on you and your future.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (15 March 2016):
 Well, the main thing is that you and he aren't together anymore so let it go. The past is the past and is a country you shouldn't visit too often.
You may of course wonder about your mutual friend and whether she was deceitful. However as she is now with your ex' you probably won't want to see too much of her anyway. Close the door and walk into your future.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 March 2016):
 People move at different speeds emotionally.
I would, like you, presume that there was more going on that what he said to you. They were bonding emotionally before you two broke up, but to say that they DEFINITELY cheated is hard to say for sure.
She might be a rebound for him. He might be using HER to get over you. OR he might be one of those people who "moves" on VERY fast. If he is very good at compartmentalizing, getting over someone "fast" is quite possible. Or he is the kind of guy who lines up the next girl when he can see the relationship falling apart.
Doesn't mean he didn't love you. But he didn't love you "enough" to figure out how to make it work.
Here is the thing though, it REALLY doesn't matter. It's over. And instead of spending oodles of time dissecting HIS behavior, look back and see what lessons YOU can take from the relationship and the break up and LEARN from those.
Chin up.
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