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Does the number of x's at the end of a message mean anything?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Faded love, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 November 2009) 11 Answers - (Newest, 9 September 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Hey, Id just like everyones opinion on this very controvertial topic! Now everyone says 'dont be silly and count the number of x's; nobody uses that as a way to say if they like someone.'

But they do. Atleast everyone did a lot when we were younger, now not so much (or not so obvious).

Anyway a bit of background; basically theres this guy (hes 20) and he liked me before summer, but I wasn't so keen. During this time he would leave me about 4 or 5 x's on msn. Anyway over summer our relationship progressed and now we are sort of seeing each other. At least I think so, we go out together pretty much everyweekend and kiss and stuff. Some people may say friends with benefits, but that is no way my intention, I hope he will ask me out soon (but it never is that easy is it??)

Anyway recently the number on msn have been dropping, and now he only gives me 2. I know its pathetic to be counting x's at my age, but do you think its a sort of hint that he just wants to be friends? Cos tbh I have no idea what he wants, we dont seem to be moving forward, yet we still see each other.

Any ideas? Thanks xx

View related questions: friend with benefits, msn

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A male reader, Astrowolf United Kingdom +, writes (9 September 2014):

Well it has been a long time since you asked the original question so I suspect you have the answer now! But do 'x's matter from a guy. Yes of course they do. First I use only 1 x for platonic relationships with girls and my initial and x like Dx when I'm being absolute straight that it isn't anything but platonic. 2 xx's for my girl, without fail and 3 xxxs if it's a very affectionate and romantic moment. If I'm mad at her she'll only get 1, and none would mean I'm about to break up. Not all guys do this. But guess what? If they are really into you...they will. They will probably quickly forget though- it's just that boys and men have other priorities, we think we should love by doing things. The x's won't mean anything to a lot of them and will have no idea it's important to you. If they are considerate they should find out what you like, if that means x's then you will get them. If they are so self absorbed not to consider your feelings, then, well you have your own answer. On the wider point, trust your intuition, if something feels amiss, it probably is. It doesn't mean they don't like you, it may be what you want and what they want don't match, and that will come out in all sorts of ways. Find out where the mismatch is and then have the courage or flexibility to be happy. That mean mean finding someone else or letting them find you, who will make you happy, or maybe seeing that's it's worth compromising. Hope it went well! David

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009):

i think the ammount of x's at the end of the msg dont mean anything between girl-girl or guy-guy (i put an x at the end of a msg to my close m8s) but the girl i rli like as i got to know her puts more and more x's on the end of her last msg and puts 3 at the end of every other msg, this started from 1 when i first started speaking to her 2/3 weeks ago, i also know that she realy likes me because one of her close friends who i talk to all the time. i think the more a girl/guy puts at the end of a text/msn msg just shows how comfortable they are with you, the rule tht my m8 usues is that you let the girl increase the number of x's at the end of a msg and match it but i dnt go by tht rule cause it sounds stupid to me, i just put em when i feel like doing it or to someone i like, if you like the guy just add a few x's at the end of ur msg and if he matches it he probably still likes you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009):

For me it does mean a lot how many x's i put at the end of a message :)

one x means I don't really trust you or like you that much but i'm doing this x because i want to look nice

two x's goes to people i don't really know, or distant friends

three x's goes to people i fancy or am in love with

four x's is for close friends or family

that's a secret rule of mine! :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009):

Deffo, :) I kinda count it like this..

A long string of x's IE xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx is kinda nothing really, it doesn't leave an impact. Where as one X is for me, hmm.. "Is leaving x's appropriate?" Or i;ve seen in past girlfriends using x's as a probe such as: Starting of texting and leaving one X. Then maybe a few days later after more intimate texts leaving TWO x's. If they reply with TWO x's i believe they kinda show a mutual feeling by following you :P.

Well, thats how i've always seen it. It's all in the psychology hehe. Hope this helps :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

OMG just had an empifthany (sp?) !!

Do you guys think I have been ignoring his emotional side and just concentrating on the sexual aspects?

Like I said we havnt had sex, but teebs I just seemed to thing that sorta thing keeps him happy... cos hes always been very sexually orientated... oh dear.

How cant I correct this?!

Please help..


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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks guys, I know im over analysing this but im very confused right now!

I do need to speak to him, just not sure when/ how to bring it up..

BTW just to confirm, im not sleeping with him, no way, not unless we go out- just realised how that sounded and i'm not holding it over his head either, its just something I personally dont feel is right unless your in a relationship.

I really dont understand, if he wanted sex, he could get it from any number of girls, yet he chooses to spend a lot of his time with me, going on dates.

Confused? Yes.

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A female reader, Lola1 Canada +, writes (17 November 2009):

Lola1 agony auntMy boyfriend and I are both very stable in our relationship. We each would only ever give each one "x" if any... and he rarely puts any at the end of his messages. Men do not pay any attention to that kind of thing. In fact, neither do many women. I’ve never heard of it before.

Alternatively, I have male and female friends who add “x’s” in various amounts at the end of messages. They don’t mean anything either.

I think it is a dangerous path to walk when we try to read too much into the tiniest things ( and this is one of those tiny things). You have a lot of clues you could be reading that are a lot bigger and more obvious.

For example, you have sex and those on the outside would possibly think this is a "friends with benefits" relationship, although that has never been your intention. You are hoping he'll ask you out, even though he hasn’t in all this time.

He isn't going to. I'm sorry to have to break that news to you, but you can trust me on this (as I have slightly more experience dating as you have been alive - wow I feel old saying that).

If he'd wanted more, he'd have asked you out by now.

Here are your options:

a) Tell him you want more than friends with benefits and wonder what he thinks - keep in mind this option may cause him to rethink your "relationship" and he may go elsewhere....

b) Accept what this is and enjoy it for now.

c) Maintain the friendship and explain you are ending the sexual aspects of it as you are now ready for something more. You had hoped he’d be interested in that, too, at some point, but now see that he isn’t likely to. As a result, you are putting yourself on the market for more.

Good luck.

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A female reader, Emaz help United Kingdom +, writes (17 November 2009):

Emaz help agony aunti always without fail put 4 kisses just because that's my lucky number. I think that if you have several kisses then it may be that they do like you or that they are happy with the conversation

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009):

if they are 3 in raw they stand for the 3 words ( I love you ). also it is a symbol of Kiss. you know, X - Kiss.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009):

For a guy I doubt they mean much.

I put 5 in a xoxox because I like the way that looks, no other reason im afraid.

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (17 November 2009):

k_c100 agony auntI think the answer to this question differs depending on whether you are male or female. For a female we purposely mean different things by the number of x's at the end of a message. I know I personally will put 3 on all messages, sometimes more than 3 if I am being extra nice to my boyfriend and then when I am annoyed at my boyfriend I wont put any or he might only get 1. It sounds so silly, and the reality is that we should not be using a x at the end of a message to judge someone's feelings or to depict our mood/feelings!

For guys on the other hand - I think the x's dont really mean much. I know sometimes my boyfriend will put loads on the end of a message, other times there are none, even when he is not in a mood with me he is just asking me a question or something. So I think men dont see the x's the same way as we do!

I can only think in your situation that he may have started out putting 4 or 5 x's just to get your attention and to make sure you know he likes you. So now with the 2 x's - he knows you are kinda together so he feels he doesnt need to try so hard with the messaging because he sees you in person more frequently.

At the end of the day you can read into this as much or as little as you like, but you still wont get an answer and it will still just be speculation in your mind! My suggestion is that you just be brave and ask him straight how he feels! Just say that you really like him but you have doubts about how he feels for you, and you would just like to know where you stand with him and if this relationship is going to move forward any time soon. That wont scare him - it is just you being sensible, its not like you are declaring your undying love for him and telling him you want to get married! If he does get scared when you bring it up then he is in no way mature enough for a relationship so you will have your answer right there!

I know it is scary to make the first move and bring this conversation up but surely it is better to ask and get an honest answer than counting the x's on messages for the next few months?! All this speculation and reading into the tiniest parts of his behaviour will only drive you mad so be brave and talk to him!

I hope this helps and good luck!

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