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writes: Hey, people!!!! Haven't been on here for some time! You seriously can't understand how bored i was. anyway, i've gotta question that's not a problem, but it'd be nice to have some opinions. so basically, my friends and i were having an argument about having sex with someone special. some of my friends said that it had to be with someone special, but the other 3 said that it didn't have to be. i didn't agree with any. well the debate just got me thinking. does sex always have to be with someone special? if it does, then why do some people just sleep around? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (26 March 2014):
Sex is all the better with someone special. How much better? Well the difference is like night and day.
Whether it is right or wrong is entirely another matter and I believe there is no right or wrong. At such a young age, having sex would seem more like a rushed experience and I think it would kill any magical feelings anyone would have wanted to feel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys! Just want to thank you for all your answers and opinions. I agree with you, Aunt Westie. I don't agree that it should be legal to have sex under 16, because I believe 16 year-olds aren't so mature. I have a brother that age, and the year elevens in my school are such annoying pervs! anyway, thanks for your answers everyone! xx!
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (25 March 2014):
 I've had sex with just ONE person in my whole life and that is the guy I'm engaged to. It's been the most wonderful, fulfilling, comfortable, safe feeling of my life and the fact that I saved myself for him and can get intimate with him whenever we feel like it, is just so special. This is a feeling that I could never get with just about anyone and I am so, so glad that I waited. It was a long wait but certainly worth it.
So why do people sleep around? It's because they don't want to wait, because they just want an orgasm and they just want some fun.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2014): I don't think people should have sexual contact until they are both 18+, but that's just my opinion :) I would worry about minors doing anything sexual, to be honest. By minors, I know it's legal to have sex at 16 (and even younger) in some places, but I don't personally think it's healthy for children (under 18s) to do anything more than solo masturbation. Call me old fashioned, but I just think it's better until you're legally an adult and hopefully 2 years wiser :)When people first starting having sex, I think it should be with someone special because it sets a foundation for you of "stable, healthy relationship first, recreational sex second" ;) That said, I wouldn't think less of someone for having casual sex. It's up to the individual to do what they want and, as long as it's not hurting them or anyone else, I don't think it's anyone else's business because it's all about different choices suiting different people :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2014): It obviously depends on the person, some people it wouldn't matter how close you are to the person as long as you have good sex.
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reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (24 March 2014):
 In fact, basically sex is JUST a body function, just like eating, drinking, peeing etc. Nothing more, nothing less. It's up to people to synchronize it with "love" but what's love after all ? So many people take desire for love, thus even love is a misunderstood concept too and often doesn't even mean much than "sex drive" for so many people.Anyway, sex as a producer for a "big shot" made of dopamine-serotonin-adrenalin can fire a "lovish" strong feeling that can trap people (mostly women) and make them become "slaves" of the one who has been (accidentally ?) their "shot dealer". Consequence of sex is often difficult to foresee, and that's the main reason why people (mostly women, once again) should better avoid having sex with a total stranger. Don't walk to the edge of a cliff if you're not sure of your own balance. And don't do sex before being stronger than your own hormones otherwise you will be like a junkie led by his/her needs for your daily "big shot". That's how things should be explained to young people, instead of talking about "love" and all that jazz whose meaning differs from fellow to fellow.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so very much! and i'll deffo show my friends. I had this feelin in my gut that having sex with someone special is much better. Thanks again, and again and, oh i could be here all night lol!
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female
reader, BlueMusician  +, writes (24 March 2014):
 I agree with Honeypie, In my opinion, sex is something special that fits best with the one you love. Sex is the most beautiful thing that way. (then again, I've met women who said hot, steamy anomymous sex can be even more exciting but I don't have that experience yet so I'm wary in fighting that opinion.) For most women, sex is something that can't be seen without some emotional connection with the partner in question.I would also feel dirty to just give my body away to someone I hardly even know. It takes trust, courage and also a lot of self-respect for a women or man to just sleep around with a stranger, even a friend. It depends on what kind of wo(man) you are. Does a man want to stick it in ten different women and have that reputation ( maybe without having the experience of loving sex in a long commited relationship)? Does a woman want to be with ten different men when she knows she can be just as happy with one person she truly loves? It's your future reputation to consider and also your background and influences from your surroundings. What is considered normal? That's for your place, time and age to decide. In my group of friends, there are people who've had many relationships in short periods of time and even a few one nightstands and it isn't considered something abnormal. I on the other hand have a steady and wonderful relationship with a man for almost 3 and a half years and I don't even have urges to have sex with others. So....it just depends from human to human. As long as you're happy, right?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2014): Sex "should" be with someone special; but when you get older you will see that isn't always the case. You may think they are special, but discover too late that they are not.
Sex is wonderful when it pleases the mind, body, and spirit. That's what you get, when you share it with someone special.
If you truly feel it has to be with someone special, you'll turn out healthier and happier; than someone who feels it doesn't have to be.
Your attitude and values about sex will influence your behavior. There are careless people who have sex with no regard for the consequences; or any regard how they hurt or use others.
Sex is often taken too casually, and people forget what a responsibility it is. They forget about attached emotions, diseases, and unwanted pregnancies. They don't realize they can sometimes scar people for life; by using them for sex, or forcing it on them, or having sex with someone too young. Which is a horrible and deplorable crime.
Sometimes people really like someone; and have sex when they really don't want to. They are using sex as a way to get someone to like them. It has no special meaning to the other person, "the taker." So the "giver" ends up hurt and feeling guilty and used.
People who go around having meaningless sex may not take precautions to have safe-sex. They don't care about the other person. They just want sex. So they might expose multiple partners to sexually transmitted diseases
(or STD's).
Sex with people like this is risky and unsafe. They can spread AIDS, herpes, mononucleosis, and a host of other STD's. Sometimes you don't know you have an STD for years. Until something horrible happens, and you get sick. Then it is too late to treat them. They have had so many partners, they don't even know where they got it, or who else they've infected.
Yes, people do sleep around. They don't get to appreciate sex the way it is really meant to be enjoyed. With someone you care about. Then it has meaning and is more enjoyable. It is meant to be an expression of the feelings you share with someone you care for, and someone who cares for you.
Humans have the ability to think and analyze. We put meaning behind the things we do. You can have sex just for the fun of it. Then it becomes boring and routine. The novelty begins to wear off.
Usually people who have trouble finding anyone special have no choice. So they take sex when they can get it. Maybe it's the only way they know how to enjoy it. They are usually failures in finding real love; or don't treat other people right. Relationships always fail for them. They can't find, or keep anyone special. So, they just have sex whenever they get the opportunity. They search and search, over and over. Trying to feel something special. They just feel empty. It's just going through the motions like a machine.
It's easier for guys than girls. Girls might get pregnant,
or society will frown on them more than they do boys. So they get bad reputations and lose respect. It's not fair. It's a double-standard.
If a female chooses to just sleep around, they have to be strong enough to handle the criticism and harsh judgment they'll get from people. Especially, from the men who use you. Other women feel disgusted for women like that; because they feel they have no respect for themselves as a woman. They are right; because indiscriminately sleeping around without feeling, usually means you're emotionally-damaged somehow. A perv or a disgusting sex-addict.
Men who run around having meaningless sex with multiples of females, don't understand women. They don't really like or respect them, and just use them like sex-objects. The funny thing is, they still really want to find someone special?
They get tired of no one really caring about them.
Ironic isn't it?
You don't have to go to school, you don't have to follow the law, you don't have to listen to your parents. You WILL pay the unhappy consequences for being irresponsible and careless about things in life that can turn against you in a bad way; if you don't do the right thing.
You don't have to have sex with someone special. You just miss out on all the greatest benefits of having it with someone special.
Share the advice given by the aunts and uncles with your friends.
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (24 March 2014):
Dear OP,
Since you asked for opinions, there I go:
I think sex doesn't always have to be with someone special, meaning a long-term partner or someone you're in love with.. but it should always be with someone you find attractive and like well enough so you won't regret it. And it should never be with someone who is pushy or has bad manners.
I don't judge people who sleep around, I'm just too cautious and too selective to do so. I worry about getting STDs, or being asked to do stuff I don't like, and I don't find too many people attractive enough to sleep with, or don't get that much of opportunity. But it's not a moral issue. Sex is neither good nor bad in itself, it depends on the part it plays in somebody's life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks HoneyPie. And yeah, i'm in no hurry to get pregnant! thanks x!
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reader, Serpico  +, writes (24 March 2014):
At age 13-15, sex should honestly be with NO ONE. People that age are simply not typically mature enough to understand the full consequences of their actions, either financially or emotionally.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 March 2014):
 I think for some, it HAS to be someone special because being THAT intimate takes trust.
However, some people also use sex as a "filler" in their lives. Others use sex to get attention and to temporarily feel loved. Some do it to boost their ego, others to increase their "reputation" among peers. And I can probably give you another dozen reasons as to why people want sex, casual or not.
I think you stick to WHAT feels right for you. There is no RIGHT or WRONG in this. Society might WANT girls to ONLY have sex when it's meaningful, but I find that a tad trite, as society also says guys can do as they please when it comes to sex.
My advice, your FIRST time is a good idea to experience it with someone who makes YOU feel comfortable, and whom you care for and trust. Not some random dude. AND ALWAYS ensure that BOTH of you bring and USE birth-control.
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