A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, I had previously post about this topic I am about to discuss further the only difference is that it’s basically a new update, of something I recently found out.So this is the link to my old post, read it so you can remember http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-does-my-boyfriend-seem-obsessed-with-a.htmlThe problem is that I found out that my bf kept in his mobile gallery a album of this girl and a girl he dated after, but this is not only it, I been currently working with him, so he gave me some pictures to organize , so he handed me an external hard drive to save my work in there, and as I was looking to see in which folder I should save it there was this weird named folder so I decided it might be this one but to my surprise there were 3 other folders inside this one with this wonder woman girls name on it, plus the building where he worked in a project and met her as well, he has all this womans items in this backup its crazy!!I was never snooping neither was it my intention but when I saw this girls name my curiosity beat the geck out if me, and I checked themOut and the folders have a whole bunch of pictures of the building, of her, and a little of them, plus some sexy pictures she send him back at that time, and prepare for this one :HE HAS A FOLDER OF HIS HISTORY OF ALL THEIR CONVERSATIONS EVER, THROUGH FACEBOOK MESSENGER!! This is iNSANE!Why in the lovely world would this man keep all of this in backups, Isn’t he supposed to erase all of this, especially when they never ended up having a relationship???!What I did found out out of all of this, is that this man was wayy to head over heels for this woman, he literally kissed the floor for this woman, his self esteem seemed so low, especially for begging this woman to give him a chance, to prove her that hes a wonderful man.This woman was obviously going through a hard breakup situation, she discovered her boyfriend had cheated on her at the same time of being with her, with a woman who ended up with and a month after the breakup ended up marrying her!!, this girl was heartbroken and not in the moment of having a relationship with anyone yet my boyfriend tried to give her her space and time but couldn’t stop talking to her and keep on insisting about this girl to give him a chance. I could also se that they went out more times than what I thought, no wonder he is or was so obsessed about her, they saw each other every single day at the moment he as working in a project for that luxurious residential building she worked in. They had lunch together, went out with coworkers, she went to his apartment, this was almost Building up to be a relationship but she was to unavailable at yhat moment. Before I was confused because I thought they had seen each other a couple of times, here and there but as you can see if was wayy more than that.Do you guys think that he still holds something for her, how do you interpret this new UPDATE?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (6 August 2020):
 Hm, sounds like YOU are the one who is obsessed here, much more so than your boyfriend.
From personal experience, I know I have sometimes come across things on my computer which I had completely forgotten about because it's been in folders/files I seldom use.
For your own sanity, you need to decide, once and for all, whether you trust him or not. If you do, then you have to draw a line under this ersatz relationship he had with this woman and let it go. If you don't, then you will never have peace of mind and you would be better finishing the relationship and moving on. However, you need to remember that most people come with "baggage" of some sort, most have a past of some sort and most had feelings for other people in the past. I would be quite concerned to meet someone who said they never had.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2020): I think you're somewhat obsessed yourself. If these posts were coming from a teenager, or a woman in her early 20's; I'd be inclined to suggest that she dump the guy, and just moved on. It may take them awhile to grasp the wisdom in our advice; but they will be open-minded, and likely to use it.
Instead, I am dealing with a woman in her 30's (and over); and they are less likely listen to advice, when it comes to men and relationships. We often get a lot of push-back, rebuttal, added information not really relevant to the issue, and follow-up posts showing resistance.
I've said it many times before, and I guess I will say it again. It's useless to offer advice to someone who isn't receptive to the wisdom. You either let them vent, or let them keep writing until someone tells them what they want to hear.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 August 2020):
 I think he gave you the photos and the external hard-drive to you on PURPOSE for you to find this. He knew perfectly well that you would snoop.
I think he ENJOYS having you unsure of yourself and your position.
OR he wants you to JOIN him in his obsession and you seemed to have jumped in with both feet.
He still has her pictures and ALL their conversations saved, yes he is still interested in her and would probably drop you like a rock if she showed him ANY kind of interest. Which I don't think she would, ever - but he holds out for the HOPE that she might.
YOU are still obsessed of someone who wasn't even his ex, just some "fantasy dream girl" of his. Which makes you obsess over what she has that you don't or why he is still keeping her pictures. Your BF is a creep. And you both have an unhealthy obsession with this woman.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2020): I cannot understand why you still call him your boyfriend and say you are a couple? When a man is that keen on another woman you knows that is just a pretence. He may pretend too, but that is what it is, putting on an act. If this other woman clicked her fingers he would be off and not give you a second thought. You are his plan B until then. You seem to be doing very much the same as him. Looking carefully at every little detail of what goes on between the two of you instead of accepting the whole "relationship" is over and pointless and should just end.
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