A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend broke up with me on October 2nd. We had been together 29 days short of 2 years. After that I did not talk to him for a week and a half, then we started talking again. First texting, then sitting together at dinner and hanging out again. We had a fight on November 13th, and we have not spoken since. I read a lot of dating advice books and I decided if I ever wanted him back I must first walk away. I turned my back on him that night and have only spoken to him a few times since, like "hi" or "how are you." Not much, only about twice.Well during finals week in December, he met me while walking on the sidewalk and said "Hi" then the next day he hurried up to open the door for me and flashed me a huge smile. I smiled back and said "thank you."That made me think that maybe things were going to start and get better and we could start talking again and possible get back together. Well Break ended on the 8th of Jan. and we have not said a single word to each other.In fact this week, he keeps dodging me. Every time I come near him this week, he skirts away. Like today after class I stopped to talk to his roommate, he was on his way over and then noticed me and quickly turned around and left. He also went around the room in a back way to get where he was going. Hes done this several times this week and it's driving me insane. I don't understand what he is doing/thinking.My friend said he might be ignoring me, because I ignored him. But what does that mean? Is he trying to get me to talk to him?I'd love to talk to him, I miss talking to him so much, but I don't think it's the right time yet. I feel that if I want him back I my life, I have to wait longer.Help, I am confused at his actions. Is he trying to really ignore me? Or is he doing it because I did? And/or is he trying to get me to bend and talk to him first?I sometimes catch him looking at me, but then he quickly turns his head away.
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broke up, get back together, roommate, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter I read this post this weekend, I was standing in the restroom crying, and one of my Fraternity sisters came in and sat there and listened to me talk for awhile. She told me "You won't know unless you try." She had been through this very same thing. So she took my phone and wrote a text message. She wrote "(His name), so I know we haven't talked in awhile, and if you don't want to I understand. But would you be interested in hanging out sometime?" Handed the phone to me and said "send it." I was hesitant so I did. An hour went past and no response, I was in even more tears.
His roommate's fiance is another of my Fraternity Sisters. She said "we are all going to a Show Choir Competition tomorrow so we are leaving tonight, he might be packing the car." Well I waited another hour and now I was in some serious tears. All my sisters piled around me kept asking what was wrong so we talked for awhile.
By this time his roommate's fiance had left because they had to get going.
I got a text from her saying "He never got the text, Baby Girl." So I asked..."Should I resend it?" And she said "Yes, I would try resending it. He said, 'What? Oh my god, I would have answered her.'"
So I resent it and he responded with, "Um we could probably make that work sometime. I dunno when but it could happen :)"
I said "Sounds Good :)" And then he said "Ok well anyhow imma go to sleep now. So...good night :)" Because By that time he had been driving for 3 hours and it was past midnight, I responded with, "Good Night :)"
I am all similes now. I hope this works out.
Today I got 2 "Hi"'s, 3 Smiles, and 2 waves from him. I want to start slow, rebuild, I don't want to start jabbering his head off, That might push him away.
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His his roommate's fiance gave me the verbal slap I needed with her comment; “If you do that, you are going to run out of months, you don’t have much time left!” After I told her I keep telling myself “I’ll talk to him next month.” And then putting it off because I am scared.
I had also told her what I posted before about him dodging me, and she said she did not think he was, because he had told her. "I don't know what to do, she (meaning I) won't talk to me."
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Our fight in Nov. happened while he was drunk. I said "we either work on getting back together or I walk out of your life." And he said "Well since you are giving me options, I pick option 2...for now."
So I walked away.
At first he tried to get me to talk but then he stopped trying.
I had decided if I ever wanted him back ,I would have to walk away and try again later.
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Our fight in September that lead to the break-up in October was the fact that he promised to hang out with me and didn't come over. We had been back to school for a month and he had only spent one hour hanging out with me alone, and that was at the end of August, the first week back! I was very mad because we had only seen each other a few times over break and that fact that we rarely got to see each other the last semester because of his roommate who was very depressed and suicidal (which actually became the #1 topic of 90% of our fights). He was always around us, I felt like I had two boyfriends sometimes. My boyfriend just kept saying "give it time" but I was becoming more and more stressed, and snapped. All I wanted was alone time with my boyfriend and hardly ever got it, so I got mad a lot and sometimes created fake accouterments when he came over alone to keep him around longer. Ugh I was stupid.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2012): What was the fight about?
I'm thinking whatever it was regarding is the reason why he is now choosing to walk for good.
I don't like games. I like I'll put my heart out on the line and speak you some truth over waiting and wondering.
I don't think it fair to him or you, that if you wanted to reconcile- you would do your utmost to make it so. But again, it matters on what the fight was about and what was the source/cause of the break up in the first place.
We can't force someone to be someone they are not. We accept them as is.
A man truly in love, wants to be his best for a woman he loves and her for him.
When both couples love one another- honest communication is the best for everyone involved. But we must know how to communicate our needs and desires to the other so that they are better able to hear.
Currently, I think its time to be upfront and honest or, resign and leave him alone to heal and move on.
You should do like wise as well.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2012): I think you need to get over him. The first clue he wasn't the right guy for you is when he broke up with you. Why would you think he wanted you back? Nothing he's done even remotely suggests that. Guys aren't that complicated.
Since he broke up with you, if he's not calling you or trying to be with you then it's because he doesn't want to.
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