A
female
age
30-35,
*_Beth-X
writes:My boyfriend and I had been together for nearly 4 and a half years. To cut a long story short, he used to work with a girl I felt uncomfortable with because she is very pretty/sexy, confident, flirtatious... you get the picture. I may have felt jealous but it did not begin to cause problems in our relationship until I realised he had her number on his phone. That's fine, but he had told me that they didn't speak outside of work. When I asked to look at the messages he snatched the phone away. He said they only text now and then as friends. Problems arose when I walked past his shop when I knew he wasn't working and saw him behind the counter with her chatting. He had just text me to say he was going for a walk. I know it's stupid but I waited outside the shop to see how long he stayed there and it was a long time. I heard him telling her things about our relationship and saying that he was annoyed with me. Eventually he walked over to the door and saw me. When I confronted him about why he was going to see her and lying, he denied having spoken to her about our relationship, but then admitted it when I said I'd heard. We got past this, but when I overheard him discussing her with a customer and calling her "fit", we argued again. He said he hadn't mean it, and just agreed with the other guy without thinking. As she is very attractive and he's admitted she's good looking in the past this upset me a lot.Anyway, after she left the shop he deleted her number as he wanted things to work out between us. I didn't make him, he wanted to. I asked him to please be honest and tell me if she text him and he promised he would. Over the next few months I found it odd that she hadn't text him at all, even to ask how he was. He denied it every time I asked. I went back to university at the end of January and we kept in touch by texting every day/phone calls etc. Although we had our arguments, he came to stay with me for a week in March and we had a great time. I'd still ask him occasionally about her, giving him the chance to be honest, but he'd say no, he hasn't spoken to or seen her since she left the shop and he didn't have her number.A week after he went home we argued and for reasons I can't explain, just call it intuition, I checked his phone bill because I had to know for sure whether he was still in contact with this girl. What I saw shocked me. I expected to see her number a couple of times, but it was every day, for 4 months. He text her as much as he text me almost. Every day in February , for hours at a time and at night when he was in bed texting me. He even rang her a few times. I was devastated. He says he hid it from me because he didn't know how to tell me and didn't want me to leave him. He swears he only sees her as a friend and the girl messaged me and promised that they're only friends and that he's never text her anything other than friendly. I believe her because I know he isn't her type, but to me texting her every day that much and in bed, ringing her and he's confessed, meeting up with her to go to town, confirms that he has feelings for her. He cannot see my point of view. He's absolutely adamant that he loves me and has never thought about her in a sexual way or had feelings for her other than a friend. He doesn't see it from my point of view - that texting another girl constantly every day for months when you have a girlfriend isn't "a normal friend" as he puts it. He doesn't have any other friends who are girls or text any other friends as much as her. He says they're not close or best friends, which is laughable to me as he had to speak to her everyday but he is absolutely adamant.Should I believe him? We've been together so long and I've always felt he loves me more than I love him, but he's desperate for me not to leave. He says he's stopped texting her and will block her number if I take him back. He still swears she was only a friend but to me this is proof he has feelings for this girl. Do you think he does and may just not realise it, or can he really only see her as a friend?
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