A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi this question is not specific to one specific relationship but more on a general level, in my effort to meet someone. I'm curious about why when going out on say a Friday or Saturday night, young (and not so young) women feel the need to dress like high class hookers (or in some cases , low class hookers). Do they think that the key to attracting a man is to look like a slut and leave nothing to the imaginatioy sister is having an affair and I've about had itn? Call me old fashioned but I find that look a turnoff. And I know many of my friends do also. My attention will always be to the attractively well dressed lady, who, to put bluntly, is easy to spot amongst all the girls who compete with each other and all have the same look, wearing a belt for a skirt and 6 inch (and higher) heels. And actually have a personality that matches the way they look, rather than that of a bimbo.I guess you could say that I must be looking in the wrong place, right?I just would like to understand this mentality..
View related questions:
affair, escort Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2014): Thanks everyone for your amazing answers, the amount of time you have spent explaining this to me goes way beyond what I expected. There were some very balanced answers and I think I have learnt a lot.. Like most of you have stated, you shouldn't judge a girl just because of her provocative dress. I know I sounded like I was complaining, and I guess i was wrong to do so- I can see that there is a lot of competition out there, when in Rome I guess... :)
It looks like I definitely am looking in the wrong place- not rowdy noisy crowded overpriced bars that's for sure!
I guess it's a balance, as realistically I I'm not looking for someone who goes out in track pants and sneakers either :)
Thanks again
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (4 May 2014):
 I believe your observation is correct; in that SOME women DO THINK the key to attracting men is to dress like sluts. Others have a more stylish approach. Either way it’s unanimous that it’s the outside package that appeals and attracts most men visually.
Now we can safely say that if those women who choose to dress provocatively will attract attention of a particular type of male, especially if wearing a belt for a skirt…
This dress code could easily be construed as slutty or sexy, however on the other hand, these women could be proud of their body and naturally flaunt it; plus they may like to party, have fun and be youthful... Yet to ACT in a manner that befits a dress code commonly recognized as high/low class hookers is another matter of their esteem and leaves nothing to the imagination!?
The mentality behind their dress code is simple; LOOK AT ME; all of which could falsely advertise their morals etc. or amplifies them!?
For you it appears you like well dressed women; again this is the outside appeal that attracts you to them first. After which you will discover their personality, be it a well dressed hooker in disguise or simply a well dressed lady with substance.
For me, Clothes Maketh the Man can be deceiving, but generally not from my observation. I understand our fashion trends and give leeway to wardrobe malfunctions as I call them. If this scenario was in reverse and I saw an attractive male dressed in tracksuit clobber and sandshoes, I’d certainly think a few things… First he may have been at the venue before the nightlife crowd arrived and stayed on, secondly he’s an out of town visitor, and thirdly he needs to rethink his going out attire – flippin’ turnoff! At my venue it’s more likely to be the third and like you should look elsewhere :)
CAA
...............................
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (3 May 2014):
 It IS the key to attracting certain type of men, so if that's what I'm looking for, I will dress like a slut.
It's like using a putter on the greens and a 9 iron on the tee shot.
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (2 May 2014):
 Straight to the point...the answer is yes it will attract men but what kind of men are ylooking to attract? Most menI know find a woman in cut-offjeans, flip-flops, T-shirt an NO makeup to be the sexiest of m all. The moremake-up(espially eyliner)the less attractive. Now I'm sure there are guys that are attracted to the"come f***k me now look with a ton of black eyliner and piercings. But I think it stinks.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 May 2014):
 Mine is a banal answer and I am sure that my colleague Dear Cupiders will have come up with something better but... bah. Different strokes for different people. No need to get your knickers twisted over how people dress, and on weekend nights too ! ( obvious club attire- what do you want them, to go clubbing with a pinstriped suit and a Burberry raincoat on ? ). If you don't like what those girls wear and you think it shows lack of style ( probable ) or lack of morals ( improbable , morals have not got much to do with shoes ), well, just do not approach them, do not hit on them, and reserve your attentions to people with Audrey Hepburn-style little black dresses . Not a problem. Chacoun a son gout ( everybody to his own taste ). You don't like revealing clothes , and there are many other guys that share your opinion; but as many or more who don't and actually like that style, so... "can't we all get along please ".
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 May 2014):
 "Bad taste creates many more millionaires than good taste."
***Charles Bukowski***
What you find slutty, others might find sexy or fun.
NOT all women dress to impress. Some dress because the fabrics make them feel good, the knowledge that HER body is looking to the BEST advantage. Whether that be minimalist clothes or a totally covered up look.
If you are looking for girl who are more "button up" dressed then I presume YOU are in the wrong places.
IF you can't look PAST a "slutty" outfit, YOU are just plain wrong.
One or the other....
I have always been a jeans and T-shirt kind of girl myself. Rarely dresses and rarely "provocative" clothes. Because jeans suited/suits me. One of my best friends had the body of a model and she sure would show it off. And you know what? GOOD for her. THE clothes DIDN'T make her slutty. She wasn't a SLUT because she had on a short revealing dress.
Part of the "slutty" dress culture goes back to the 1920's I'd say. That was the first ERA where women were ALLOWED to EXPRESS themselves in minimalist clothes.
Ever heard of the Hemline Theory?
http://www.investopedia.com/terms/s/skirtlengththeory.asp
Or the theory of shoe height and economic trouble?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/23/high-heels-new-economic-indicator_n_1108401.html
Now..... mull that over a bit, and tell me.... WHAT gender are the majority of the big clothes designers ? Male....
And honestly, I take my hat of to ANY woman who can dance all night on a pair of 6 inch heels.. YOU should try it. You wouldn't last a minute.
Stop being so JUDGMENTAL over what women want to wear. If you don't like it, that's fine - but stop with the judging. It will score you no point with anyone, other then maybe ... the guys who are scared to approach a women in a sexy outfit. You know the saying :"don't judge a book by it's cover?"
Lastly, let's talk marketing and today's society.
LOOK at how clothes are sold, to men and then look at how it's sold to women.
http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2013/08/07/men-need-clothes-women-need-to-look-sexy-in-clothes/
SEX sells. It's a fact.
But.. not only does SEX sell. It also is used to "promote" freedom. In most Western countries women HAVE the RIGHT and the FREEDOM to wear whatever the heck they want. And be it sexy or not so sexy, THAT is a good thing.
Personally, I'm not a fan of the "Snookie" look. High high heels, cubic tonne of make-up, fake tan and a cheap spandex dress with boobs and vagina hanging out for all to see. But you know what? She seemed pretty happy with it, so WHO am I to rain on her parade?
If you like a woman with a more classic sense of dressing then it should be THAT hard to separate the "slutty sheep" from the "classy sheep".
However, YOU are just cutting yourself off from a bunch of POTENTIALLY great women by thinking that the way they dress is a reflection on who they are as a person.
You don't have to UNDERSTAND the mentality. You are FREE to not look at the "slutty" dressed girls and focus on the "non-slutty" dressed girls.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2014): To each his own in fashion.
People get a lot of their inspiration from what they read and see in publication or broadcast media. They do want to get attention, due to a lot of competition in the dating scene. They may also just enjoy showing off their attractiveness. You certainly are judgmental and pretty harsh on women.
Your taste in women doesn't set the standard; nor does it lessen the character or taste of other people who disagree with you. You don't like women who dress (by your opinion) provocatively, so be it.
Club-life is for young people to get out and enjoy their youth, flaunt their good-looks, and strut their stuff. It is not a place of piety and worship. So those rules do not apply. If your eyes are offended by such visions, pluck them out; or keep them out of places where women dress to offend you.
"Slut" is a subjective description in this case. Nine-inch heals are only a fashion statement, how that translates to being a slut eludes me.
Short skirts are pretty common here in the United States. It's just fashion, and we don't regard women as sluts for wearing them. That all depends on your standpoint about women. Some consider women sluts if they're not covered in a burka, showing nothing but her eyes. So your standards may be too loose, if more is acceptable.
keep an open-mind. Some tastes are sleazy, but it doesn't necessarily make a girl a slut. She is definitely looking for attention; from both males and females. They just want to satisfy the fantasy of being sexy in the eyes of the beholder; and stand-out amongst girls as pretty, or more so.
The social-statement made can be interpreted any way you wish, but if you don't appreciate it, it will no doubt be negative. Let your friends speak for themselves. They may only agree; because they don't want to argue with you, or put you on a soapbox.
I've learned to judge not, lest I myself be judged. I will offer opinion if people seek it. I know from experience that most people are really good on the inside; so I am not so quick to judge by what I see. I don't make it my business to condemn women or men, for how they dress. I judge by their behavior; and what opinions they express.
How shall I judge you, sir? Or do I have a right to?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2014): Well Mr. Old Fashioned, we all have our tastes and plenty of people are into women who wear that type of clothes.
There are also plenty of women who don't find the idea of a guy who judges women as bimbos and sluts, solely based on how they dress, as an appealing proposition either.
My wife is a psychologist, has a doctorate, is a very well paid government consultant and dresses like a 16 year old with lots on show on nights out. It helps that she still looks that age and has the body to match. Funnily enough she used to dress a lot more conservatively, but guess what? She has more fun now on nights out because she gets the safe, sleazy attention from drunken idiots that are easily gotten rid of. She used to get the negative judgemental dicks chat her up with lines about how she looks intelligent and has class. Somehow they thought she'd be open to them highlighting how she doesn't dress like a total whore and has earned their respect on that basis alone how very nice of them, or that they somehow thought she'd be impressed by them not thinking she's a whore "like the others". Not exactly the smoothest way to approach a woman unless she's a bitter and negative as you, and my wife got bored of tearing them a new asshole.
The drunken sleazes are much more fun to deal with because they have an honest motive and don't make as big a fuss when turned down, funnily enough they're not as quick to think she's an utter bitch for not seeing how awesome he is.
You're not looking in the wrong places, OP, you're looking with the wrong eyes. You're judging women solely based on their appearance and style, and you're judging them to be beneath you in an utterly negative way, with more than a hint of bitterness.
You'd probably turn your nose at my wife and point her out to your friends about how she dresses like a slut to get male attention. She, like most women, dress to impress their peers, not men. And frankly as a happily married woman she is free to dress as she pleases without judgement because I think she looks awesome, and it's me who gets the full enjoyment out of her "slutty" clothes.
I actually prefer a more conservative dress sense too. I do find it sexier in terms of how it looks. But the effect it has on my wife in terms of making her feel confident and sexy, is pretty damn awesome and there is no way I'd ever try and stop her feeling that way.
We all have our tastes, OP, you have yours and mine is similar. The difference between me and you though is that I don't judge women for it because I've met women from all walks of life who dress that way when they go out, because often it is the dress code for where they go.
What's the mentality you want to understand? You've never dressed in a way you thought made you look extra awesome? You've never worn a well tailored suit and think you look like a badass and felt great wearing it? Because that's all it is. Women just dress in a way that makes them feel great because it makes that night out great fun, some are more conservative in that way but a "bimbo" can dress conservatively too. Part of that for a lot women is getting male attention which can be fun, mostly though it's just to make their night more fun by making themselves feel sexy before they even walk out the door. Because as most of them are aware, it's the attitude you have and not the clothes you wear that make you sexy, and wearing that type of clothing gives them that attitude.
And hey, maybe like my wife, they want to repel the judgemental dicks who will compare them to champagne and think she shits cinnamon, because she doesn't respect people who only respect those who wear a certain style.
OP your taste is your taste and that's fine. It turns you off, so you don't go for women who dress that way if you can't get a boner based solely on their clothing. But to call them sluts, whores, bimbos, that's where you're wrong. Those women are mothers, doctors, lawyers they're everyone and anyone. Style doesn't make the woman and it says nothing about her personality or intellect.
My wife is the smartest person I've ever met, warm, generous, deeply loving and can talk for hours on any range of subjects and she can argue her opinions like a Valkyrie with a vocabulary that is daunting when she gets going, the fact the clothing that suit her best and make her feel the best when heading on a night out are practically non-existent only means one thing, and that thing is that they make her night more fun. For me then it means I get easier access for sex and/or it's easier to get her undressed for bed when she's passed out on the couch. Most of all though it means on nights out I am in the company of a woman who feels supremely sexy, confident and very loved up.
The mentality behind it is the same mentality I have in wearing custom made imported suits most of the time nowadays. I got them for work but the feeling of wearing them is incomparable and whenever I get the chance, I wear them.
OP you're looking at this with judgemental eyes instead of looking beyond.
I've gotten more attention from women since I started wearing suits on nights out. Because like you they judge me to be a certain way, in other words they see € signs and find that sexy.
So I know what it's like to dress for effect. it is nice to be extra appealing to the opposite sex no matter what your intentions, it is an ego boost and feels good. Does that make me slutty or a bimbo? I couldn't care less. I dressed very plainly when I was a promiscuous player. I dress sexier now than I ever have and I have no interest I anyone but my wife. It's just what feels good.
if you want to judge me as a rich, arrogant asshole for dressing that way, then that's on you. Because I, like those women you mention are too busy having fun to care what some judgemental dick thinks as he sits there with his pint bitterly judging them as sluts.
Open your mind a little, OP, and don't judge people on how they dress, you never know when someone who dresses completely unlike what you think you like is a person that just fits you like a glove.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2014): Women don't ALWAYS dress to attract men. You can criticize their way of dress as cheap and hooker-like, but have you ever thought that they want to dress scantily to feel sexy for themselves? And to have fun when they go out at night with their girl friends?
It's not like women are going out at night, dressing up the best they know how to compete for male attention. Sometimes, believe or not, women won't to throw back restraints and have fun regardless of what anyone thinks.
Believe it or not, men do like women to show skin because it gives them a free show. And some women enjoy the attention. You can keep pursuing the elegantly-dressed ladies and the scantily dressed ones will continue with their lives.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 May 2014):
 You ask: "Do they think that the key to attracting a man is to look like a slut...?"
Well, if they ever encounter me - or other guys like me (not like you?) - they will learn that "the packaging" is what it's all about. I get all sticky and sweaty when I encounter a woman who looks/dresses like a tart.....
Conversely, women who are sane and sensible ... but who dress like strumpets.... sometimes learn that they've attracted "attention" of the kind that they really don't want.
It's a roll of the dice....
Good luck.....
P.S. You might conclude that I am "desperate"... and you, Sir, would be correct!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 May 2014):
 The mentality is easy to understand. Same as with why do some guys like to take their shirts off when on the dance floor and flex their abs, haha! Or why do men take penis pictures and send to women... Because they themselves think it is hot, and they themselves think it is what will attract a potential mate/partner/one night stand.
And they are right. Those short skirts and those abs do attract some people. Not all, not you, maybe not your friends, but tons of others are attracted to it.
Well, I never met a woman who was intrigued by a penis picture, but you get the point. Each have their own flavour. Just because you and your friends don't like a certain style doesn't mean no one does.
...............................
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (2 May 2014):
 Put simply your going to the wrong places. Rowdy bars/clubs at weekends does tend to attract people wanting to either get laid, get drunk, lark about with mates or dance around competing with others for attention. Of course that's not all of the people obviously but you get what I mean.When I was younger and went clubbing it was about having fun, meeting people and enjoying the atmosphere. Now its a different experience as we live in a world where sadly so many young (and not so young) people are celebrity obsessed, insecure and see people on reality TV becoming celebs by being bitchy, fake, gobby and what have you. So many people now go out trying to scream louder than anyone else to get attention out of insecurity or make themselves feel better by getting as much attention from the opposite sex as possible. Personally I hate the "fake" look: OTT tan, fake books, 9" heels, bright lipstick, etc. Each to there own but to me it screams of attention seeking or competing with others for attention. You could try volunteering or going to a social event or maybe joining a club based around your hobbies or interests to find someone. Rowdy night life is not the kind of place where your going to find conservatively dressed women by the score. You could get lucky of course but for the most part you are looking in the wrong place. Maybe you are going to clubs and bars which attract the wrong type of crowd? Some places now are all about wearing designer labels and having the fake tan and celeb fakery. To be fair its the same for both sexes. How many men nowadays wear tracksuits to pubs or sit eating in a nice restaurant in a hoodie? I had a female friend who liked men who wore smart clothes, shoes not trainers, liked to drink wine not beer and so on yet always went out with friends to pubs that showed football matches. Inevitably all she ever met was men drinking Lager and wearing football shirts and trainers (sneakers). The fact is that there are plenty of women out there of your type, you just need to find them. How the others dress and how they behave is not your problem. Best of luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2014): They probably think they look hot and are attracting guys, yes. Also, they may not be looking for a boyfriend in a setting like that: they want to flirt, show off what they have, dangle what they don't intend to give the guys right in their face and then go home with their girlfriends. They want the attention, the ego-boost, and they want the "powerful" feeling of being wanted ... but they don't intend to give it up. It's just a game to them.If you're looking for a more serious relationship or a woman you can respect as a person and as a friend, meet her in places YOU have fun going. What do you do for a hobby? If you're into exercise, you're more likely to find a woman of your choice at a gym (and yes, some women dress provacatively and some dress "sloppy" and some dress middle ground)). Maybe you can join a book club or a chess club or some politcal-action group. People in all settings dress "badly" but you know where the nicely dressed ones are when you see them. Just keep in mind that some of those women (like me) are annoyed when they get hit on in the gym or in the library or coffee shop because they didn't come there for that :-)
...............................
|
