A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am married with two young children and found porn and a 2 pictures of my husbands colleague on his PC. I am convinced that he masterbated to the porn as well as pictures of his work collegaue even though one was of her at a christmas party and one was a facebook picture, (they were non sexual pictures) do men fantisize about ordinary people - is this normal?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): YES! We men do fantasize about ordinary everyday people. But that does not mean that we will act on our fantasy. Women also fantasize about ordinary people....just take a look at this 'site'. Everyday, someone has a crush or fantasy about someone else...someone who does not know or suspect. People have fantasies about movie stars, singers, politicians and even relatives and neighbors......and perfect strangers. Now as far as masturbating, do you really know he is doing this or are you just guessing? There is nothing wrong with this either...at least not to me, but don't falsely assume/accuse unless you know for sure. I wouldn't worry about it too much.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (4 February 2008):
 Hi,
Firstly, if you havent seen him masturbate how do you know its not just your imagination getting the better of you? You can't be sure he is masturbating, and if the pictures aren't sexual then it is harder for a bloke to masturbate - we are very visual creatures.
But this is where the good news ends I'm afraid, what the hell is he doing with these pictures anyway, it sounds at the very best that he has a bit of a thing for this girl and he works with her! You have to confront him straight away and find out what his intentions are. Nothing less that a grovelling apology will do, you need to know whether he plans on being a husband and father to his children or a skirt chasing married man.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, pyan +, writes (4 February 2008):
Hi
the short answer is yes, when you are younger you may think of movie stars etc, but as you get older real people are much better.
I know you have a young family and time will be short, but have you not thought about one of your friends.
you may like to talk to him about it it can be quite a turn on for you both. Rememebr its only fantisize.
message me if you want more info or thoughts
good luck
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 February 2008):
 Erh, that's blown - talk about your Freudian slip.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (4 February 2008):
It's an office crush or emotional affair or some kind or other, and I think that you had better get up the courage to confront him as soon as possible. Talk and fight it out before he starts thinking that this is normal or acceptable in any way. It is something that he had better get control over before he starts doing damage to your marriage. Masturbating to a picture of someone at the office is about as close to having an affair as you can get. I would imagine that it is changing his perception and relationship with this woman as well, in his own mind, and that if she were at all receptive this is lowering his resistance to starting a full blow affair with her.
I'd kick his butt. It might be a good time to consider a bit of counseling to find out if there are problems inside of your marriage that might need a bit of work on, or if there is another why he is looking outside of your marriage right now. Pushing 40 is a dangerous age for some men, you need to be talking and communicating more now than ever. If he has had any problems at work, hit a ceiling recently or been passed over for a promotion, he might be looking for other ways to bolster his self-esteem, like an affair. I really recommend this book on men - Gail Sheehy - Understanding Men's Passages - Discovering the New Map of Men's Lives.
It doesn't sound like he is having an affair currently, but it's not a normal thing to masturbate to a picture of someone else that you know. Sorry to be so blunt and not sugar-coat the message, but I think it's a big red warning flag that you have to fix A.S.A.P. Take care and good luck with everything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): Yes, some men do fantasize and masturbate to pictures of ordinary people. But, how are you convinced he is masturbating to her pictures, though? Have you seen him doing this or is this just an assumption? Has he shown an unusual interest in this colleague? Does he speak of her a lot? I have to say, it could be he has a unrequited 'crush' on her and this is very common with married folks. We deeply love and cherish our partners, but sometimes, a lot of us feel an attraction to others but nothing comes of it. If this bothers you, you can talk to him about it. If this is a 'facebook' picture and perhaps one from an office party..I am guessing this colleague is completely unaware he even has these photos.
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