A
female
age
36-40,
*ek38119
writes:I have a bit of a moral dilemma. I found out that a friend of mine is dating a girl who was arrested and fired from her job for retail theft in the store she worked in back in September. I have never trusted this girl because something just wasn't right with her. She had some not-so-normal behavior and my gut was telling me that something was not right. Anyway, It would not surprise me if she had not told him about what happened. When it happened, they were not even living in the same city, so she could've hid it, especially if they didn't press charges. A lot of places won't because the legal fees aren't worth it unless they stole a substantial sum. He moved down there about a month and half later. I've been trying to figure out if I should say something or not.The problem is that I have feelings for him, too, and he knows it, and I have also told him that I don't trust her which puts me in an awkward position and makes me look biased. I also went looking for information when I was having a lousy day so I googled her name and the city. I wasn't looking for that specifically (I didn'trust her not to cheat on him) and was surprised that anything existed at all.But yes I still did the creepy thing and googled her. I found this out after I told him I didn't trust her. I also don't talk to him that much anymore. We'll speak if we find ourselves in the same room, but we're not in regular contact anymore. I am not friends with him even on facebook anymore because it hurt too much to see their pictures. Oddly enough when I saw him at my reunion, we talked and I also caught him giving me that very distinct look you give to someone who means a lot more to you than just friends, but that's another story.I guess my question is should I say something or not? What if I told someone in his family? I'm sure they don't know and would want to know that the girl he is bringing home is irresponsible and not very honest. Or do I just let it go and hope that the truth just comes out, even though I'm afraid that it won't. I guess it's just really hard when you know something (and it's my own fault for finding it) really want to say something but you're not really sure if you should or can. Help!!!
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (13 January 2013):
 I'd say nothing as you may risk your friendship. These things come out in the end anyhow. Just be a friend.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (13 January 2013):
Hi there. I realize the fact that she stole from the retailer where she worked, could definitely make her seem somewhat untrustworthy.
The main thing is that she WAS caught, and so her employer at that retailers, obviously considered it significant enough to warrant an instant dismissal.
But it doesn't necessarily mean, that she would steal from a friend in their home.
I guess that you could tell him, if you feel there is a possibility of her stealing from his or his family, and so you are just looking out for his welfare, aren't you?
Forewarned is forearmed.
I realize it's NOT something he will want to hear, no doubt, but just in case any money suddenly goes missing from his house without explanation - and she has been there just prior to it going missing (or very recently) - well then he's going to wonder what happened to it, isn't he?
So this is something to keep in mind when considering whether to warn him.
And especially knowing her history.
And it all comes down to trust, when it's all said and done.
And if you DO decide to tell him, well then DON'T do it in such a way, that it's like you are character assassinating her.
Just be calm and respectful towards him, and don't badmouth her - just say what you know.
And the rest then, is up to him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2013): "I guess my question is should I say something or not?"Say nothing. You likely won't be believed, and even if you are then your motives would be questioned (and for very good reasons). "What if I told someone in his family? I'm sure they don't know and would want to know that the girl he is bringing home is irresponsible and not very honest."Not necessarily, people have the annoying habit of not wanting to believe the truth when it is inconvenient for them to do so. And even if his family believes you, he may not want to believe them.You have limited uncorroborated second-hand information. For all you know she may have been falsely or mistakenly accused as an excuse for her employer to unfairly or illegally fire her, or there may be other mitigating or extenuating circumstances of which you are unaware. You have no reason to suspect she is a danger to herself or others so your silence will not compromise anybody's health or safety while speaking out of term will very likely cause hurt, anger and resentment. In the future it will be simple to change your mind about maintaining your silence, impossible to take back what you've already said.
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