A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need advice so I bought my very first car by myself. I'm so happy. When I look at my car I just smile and just glow because I did it all working 2 part time jobs. Taking up to 4/6 buses a day. So I worked hard for my car. Now here's what I need advice on, I bought my car before I had my license. I thought my dad was goin to let me use his car to get my license, but he said no. So I called around and found a driving teacher. I took driving lessons, which I paid for and I had to pay to use her car to get my license. So while I'm working and practicing for my license, I asked a family member ( Tina) can I park my car in her back yard until my driving appointment. She said yes no problem. The only reason I didn't leave it parked at my place is because I didn't want my car to get towed. Tow trucks be over my side of town like crazy and I didn't want to chance it. So after all of that I got my license, very happy day for me because I can now get my tags and start back school. So I got my Insurance and tags the same week and took the bus for the last time and went over Tina house to get my car. It was fine, I thanked her of course. She said she wanted money for it being parked back there ( she nor her son has a car) I said ok I was pulling out the rest of my cash and she said I'm just playing, ur car just sat there. So now I have my car, still very happy about it. All that hard work and hot days waiting for that bus to go to both of my jobs paid off. NOW my mom said if Tina ask me for a ride I should give her 1 because I owe her. She did ask me for a ride But I had to close at work so I couldn't make it. My Insurance and tags cost 1,100 together so of course I'm going to stay at work to make money. But my question is do I owe Tina? I don't mind giving her a ride when I can but to me my car just sat there for about a month and a half. My dmv be packed so you have to do everything by appointment. I could be wrong I really don't know. My mom says Tina may think I owe her and she agrees I do. Maybe I'm just to happy to realize I owe her. Can you guys give me some advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2013): Well you should "do something" to show your appreciation but doesn't have to be making yourself be at her beck and call since it didn't cost her much to do you this favor. How about just taking her and her son out for a nice dinner? (In your new car of course).
Congratulations on your new car! You deserve it, you worked hard for it. Enjoy your car!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 October 2013):
 uhm, I don't know if I would agree it is such an itsy bitsy worth nothing favour... It did cost nothing to her in cash, yet, if we want to quantify, here where I am ,keeping your car parked would cost you around 200 euros ( about 260 USD,isn't it ? ) a month renting some rickety shack from a private, or 400 in some fancy public garage...
In USA I was spending 300 USD a month for parking... and that was a few years ago, now must be more. You do the math...
If I let you sleep 6 weeks in my spare bedroom, it costs me nothing, but it saves YOU thousands of bucks in hotel/ rental costs . I would not hold it over your head for the rest of your life because that's not my style, yet I would be very displeased to know that you consider it such an itsy bitsy irrelevant little nothing...
Anyway, poor Tina, let's give her the benefit of doubt. Who says she wants you to become her personal chaffeur, or that she is going to milk this favour for a lifetime ? What did she do to make you think so ? Nothing yet .
She asked you for a ride- which is fine- You said no, I am busy - which is perfectly fine too.
Maybe she was not tryng to " cash in " her favour- maybe she was simply asking a little help to a family membe who is in position to give it. Regardless of " being owed " or not. I mean, even if you take her too lunch and stuff her with caviar and oyster- why this should disentitle her to ask you another ride in future,-not because you'd " owe " her, -simply because you are a car owning relative/family friend. If you can and want to do it, you'll say yes- if you cannot or don't want to do it, you'll say sorry Tina no ride today. Or even, sorry Tina, no ride ever . No need to devise favour deflecting strategies yet :).
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (26 October 2013):
uhm, I don't know if I would agree it is such an itsy bitsy worth nothing favour... It did cost nothing to her in cash, yet, if we want to quantify, here where I am ,keeping your car parked would cost you around 200 euros ( about 260 USD,isn't it ? ) a month renting some rickety shack from a private, or 400 in some fancy public garage...
In USA I was spending 300 USD a month for parking... and that was a few years ago, now must be more. You do the math...
If I let you sleep 6 weeks in my spare bedroom, it costs me nothing, but it saves YOU thousands of bucks in hotel/ rental costs . I would not hold it over your head for the rest of your life because that's not my style, yet I would be very displeased to know that you consider it such an itsy bitsy irrelevant little nothing...
Anyway, poor Tina, let's give her the benefit of doubt. Who says she wants you to become her personal chaffeur, or that she is going to milk this favour for a lifetime ? What did she do to make you think so ? Nothing yet .
She asked you for a ride- which is fine- You said no, I am busy - which is perfectly fine too.
Maybe she was not tryng to " cash in " her favour- maybe she was simply asking a little help to a family membe who is in position to give it. Regardless of " being owed " or not. I mean, even if you take her too lunch and stuff her with caviar and oyster- why this should disentitle her to ask you another ride in future,-not because you'd " owe " her, -simply because you are a car owning relative/family friend. If you can and want to do it, you'll say yes- if you cannot or don't want to do it, you'll say sorry Tina no ride today. Or even, sorry Tina, no ride ever . No need to devise favour deflecting strategies yet :).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice again aunts. Some aunts was making it seem like she gave me 1,000 on my car. Well that's what i was getting. I did say maybe i was to happy/excited to see things another way. I took her to lunch and i want to be done with it. I dont know how that makes me stingy? And i also said i dont mind giving her a ride when im free! But if my car breaks, whos going to pay for it? Or when i need gas? Or when i need new tires? I juat got tired of my mom hanging that over my head. I know she helped me but gosh it just sat there!!!! Lol. And if she don't consider lunch a full payment than what will? Me paying her rent? And I also recall a few years back when she bought her car, she parked hers at my house too. My mom didn't want nothing in return. But thank you again anuts. You helped me look at things both ways.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2013): It seems like this OP is concerned with the fact that this family member seems to want to sink her claws deep just for this minor non-favor...it seems like Tina is looking forward to a lifetime of "minor favors" in return. That's the impression I get. The woman seems like a vampire. The OP's desire to do one thing for her and be done with it makes a lot of sense, so Tina can't drag it on, and on, and on. Maybe I'm just a bitch, or maybe it's just that I didn't grow up with a bunch of extended family calling for favors. Or any extended family (when one uncle did ever call, it was to ask for money). Girl, your car is YOUR CAR. Your family didn't pay for it. They shouldn't get to use it unless they have a good relationship with you and you want to give them a ride. Assuming favors is just bad form.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 October 2013):
 Taking her to lunch is nice
it cost her NOTHING to house your car for you but it was very nice of her.
my take:
do NOT let anyone borrow your car
but you can be happy to give rides if it does not impact on work or other important chores or activities
and Major congrats on getting your license, your car and insurance. I have been driving since I was 16 but did not buy a car by myself till I was 42 (always had a spouse or my dad to help me) BE very proud of your adult accomplishment.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2013): All the other aunts/uncles are stating something along the lines of "common courtesy to do that sort of thing for family"
But yet she asked for money for literally doing nothing? Joking or not, that idea came from somewhere.
I personally don't think you 'owe' her anything.
She let you park your car in her empty backyard for a month.. hardly a favour in my opinion BUT just take her to lunch to get the guilt from her/your mum off your back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2013): I don't know if you OWE her anything, but to remember that she has done that for you is a good idea. If I were her though I wouldn't expect anything in return. She helped you out, good, but then request a pay back, it's a just a bad tone for me.
With that said, if I were you, I would make an attempt when she asks for a favour to try to help her out. And not because she did something for you, but because she seems to be a nice person, and she is your family.
Also if I were her, I would not take on your offer, knowing that you have worked and still do so hard without any help from anyone, and you still all these bills to pay. I would have lunch with you, but wouldn't accept a treat, unless you absolutely insisted.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 October 2013):
 You might want to get your car checked out if it's been sitting for so long. Mice are notorious little nest builders and can make a nice little habitat in an air filter. Makes the car stink to high heaven. (Don't ask. *shudders*) And spiders and other unwanted guests may be on board as well. Your post suggests that you managed the car thing all on your own and owe no one anything. You did do all that except for that one pesky car storage thing, which Tina helped you with, and you do owe her a thank you. I wonder why you are so stingy and reluctant to be generous in that regard? Your alternative would have been to pay for its storage somewhere so Tina saved you some cash.I have to admit to being very curious about this. How did you drive a car off a dealer's lot without a license?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 October 2013):
 Good for you :)
And yes, telling your cousin no or hell no! to using your car is smart, you can however give him some tips on how much it takes to BUY his own.
Enjoy your lunch with your aunt.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again for the advice... and im not going to be her chauffeur, i have things to do. And yes she did save me from paying alot of bills IF my car was to be towed. i called her to tell her im coming over tomorrow to take her to lunce She said ok thats fine :-) i was about to hang up until her son asked to borrow my car and which i said no! I dont think so. Lol.... he has no license/job.... no no no!
Thanks again. I must have been to excited to look at things differently.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2013): Just be ready when Tina is ready to cash in on a favor. She doesn't have to consider a lunch payment-in-full.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 October 2013):
I agree she DID do you a favor, and yes the polite think should be to pay it back IF she asks - doesn't mean you are now her personal chauffeur.
When people do favors, it is NICE to give back. Family or not. It's the decent thing to do.
I agree that a gift card would be a real sweet way of saying "thank You".
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A
female
reader, jellybeans +, writes (24 October 2013):
It's not like owning a debt but she was nice and you need to be nice to her in return. Some rule applies to non-family members such as friends and co-workers. How would you feel if you did a big favor for your friends and only to find out that they were not willing to help you when you need them.The ride was just an example your mom suggested, but there are many other ways for you to pay her back. Did you send her a thank you card? X'mas is approaching, and have you planned to get her a thoughtful present? You seem to be very excited about your new car, along with the present, write a card to tell her how much you have appreciated her help.I am not saying that you should make her need as your priority. Let's say, if she really asked for a ride at time when you are busy, you should properly explain it to her, really apologize, say things like :"I wish I could help but I cannot leave work right now. In the future if you need me, please don't hesitate to ask and I will try my best to help." I am sure she will understand.In fact, you should do this to everyone even if she or he hasn't helped you, as long as you know they are not taking advantage of your kindness. Don't think about favors as debt, but rather be grateful in general.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice aunts:-)
I agree with CMMP the most. And i want take her to lunch and be done with it. Or pay her :-P
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2013): For a month and a half your car was safe and protected from towing. This saved you hundreds of dollars. Find out how much it would cost to place a car in storage for a month and 1/2; and decide.Here's a suggestion. Send Tina a money order in the amount of $20.00/wk., for about six weeks. This will cover public transportation ( bus, or a cab) for the period you needed help, and for the inconvenience. It would also lift the burden of schedule-conflicting rides.Although, you should be glad to offer the favor. Tina could have said no.A car sitting idle for so long, draws attention to thieves and car-jackers. It could have ended up on four blocks and gutted. Even stolen. If any of that had happened, it would have cost you a deductible for the insurance claim.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2013):
Here my penny's worth .. Buy her some flowers a bottle of wine and nice gift not to expensive but nice .. Take it over and say ' hey I really really appreciate you helping us out an all ' and give her the gifts be happy, be proud sweetie .. I hope my girls grow up to be as conscientious as you are ..
And you go girl :) x
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 October 2013):
 Yes... after a fashion, you really DO have a "debt of gratitude" to Tina. Best way to "pay it off" is to secure a gift card at her favorite restaurant.... I suggest that it be for $50....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 October 2013):
 I agree, the polite thing to do is to return a favor when you can. Take her to lunch or give her a couple of rides to the store.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (24 October 2013):
She did you a favour so,if just possible, you do her a favour in turn. It's not as much a question of " owing" as of common courtesy. She did someting to help you, so you should actually be glad that you have the chance to help her back.
Yes, she did not do anything really life-or-death for you- - neither giving her a ride will be such a life-or-death matter.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 October 2013):
She did you a favor, so it's common courtesy to return it if needed. What she did wasn't a big deal so don't feel obligated to her in a major way.
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