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Do drunk people mean what they say?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Crushes, Friends, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 May 2012) 3 Answers - (Newest, 31 May 2012)
A female Canada age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Hey everyone,

So, I need to talk to someone and I have absolutely no one to confide in. This might be long, so thank you in advance for reading, I appreciate it so much.

Me and this guy have been a "thing" for over two years, he's asked me to be his girlfriend, but I said no because he was leaving for college soon and I'm not good enough, I didn't want to hold him back.

Also, we're both virgins. Even though I don't believe him, he swears he is. I just don't understand how he could go though college and not have sex at one of the MANY parties he went to. He says he wants to lose his virginity to me.

The other night he was drunk and texting me (we text almost everyday for the past two years), he wasn't making mistakes or anything, it was all very "grammaticly correct". Anyways, he said I love you. and that I was amazing and he wants me to be his girlfriend because he'll never meet anyone like me again. I told him I want to stay a virgin for a long time and he said he could wait a few years of college for me. he said he only wants me and he said he has wanted to say that for a long time and now that he's drunk he can say it.

he's the type of guy who never opens up. he's even told me he doesn't really have feelings, like he doesn't cry or anything like that.

I just don't know if it was genuine or not... do drunk people mean what they say?

Also, I'm not good enough for him. like at all. I'm ugly and disgusting. when we first started talking I was kind of pretty, but all of the sudden my skin just got horrible and I hate myself. there's more reasons then just my skin, that's just the thing you can always see. I don't even like hanging out with him outside in daylight.

I hate myself and I know I can't love him if I hate myself.

I just want to be good enough. how do I tell him I want to be with him, but I can't because I hate myself? and I don't want to hold him back from someone amazing.

and, do drunk people mean what they say?

Sorry for that long rant, I just really need some advice and a listening ear.

Thank you.

View related questions: both virgins, drunk, I love you, text

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A male reader, appliance Canada +, writes (31 May 2012):

Depends of the drinker and depends how many drinks he had. Some people are more introvert, are not comfortable with emotions and will find it easier after a drink or two to tell things they otherwise have difficulty to express. And some people, even with a small quantity of alcohol, will talk nonsense and won't be able to remember anything. Sober people can say lots of things they don't mean too, when they're agitated, nervous or angry.

If the guy never opens up, it might be the first hypothesis. If he was not dead drunk and actually remember it (anyway he got the text messages to remind him), I suggest to ask him about it when he's sober. Text messages can make it easier too, if he really has problem to speak his mind about this.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (31 May 2012):

CindyCares agony aunt Of course not. Or, in fact, they do mean it in their booze fuelled hyperemotional altered state.... but once they are sober quite often they may have forgotten all about it, or remember it and feel totally ashamed about it.

You can only count on what people say when they are sober ( and that too, must be backed up by facts and actions ; talk is cheap ).

Anyway , it's sort of a moot point, isn't it ? because even if he means what he said... you still hate yourself and your skin and feel that you are not good enough for him and you'd be holding him back blah blah blah. So, it's a no go.

Plus, I find relevant that he says he's a virgin- but you can't believe him. You don't trust him, then-and how can you have a r/ship with someone you don't trust ?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012):

I'd say it doesn't really matter if it was true or not...If he meant what he said when he was drunk, so what then? If you mean what you say that you hate yourself, you're correct and you can't really love him. However, if you decide at some to trust and respect his opinions over your own insecurities, then I'd think you might realize he likely did mean it.

Personally I believe if he's bothered to keep in touch with you for 2 years, he likely cares for you. I also happen to think you might hurt his feelings, but by putting yourself down all the time...He might take this to mean you don't value or believe anything he says.

Good luck.

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