A
female
age
41-50,
*idney34
writes:I’m 32 years old woman and now I’m experiencing really hard time in my marriage. My husband(he’s 33) and I are married for 3 years and 6 months ago our daughter was born. My husband never wanted to be in the delivery room, but I wanted him to be next to me very much so I kept talking about it and he eventually agreed. Perhaps it was my biggest mistake. My pregnancy was easy, but my labor didn’t go as planned. I had some complications and I had to have an episiotomy,because the baby couldn’t get out. I wasn’t aware of my husband then, but I guess he witnessed it all. After that he has changed completely. He’s not anymore the person I married. He’s very caring of our daughter and he spends long hours playing with her. But he doesn’t pay attention to me anymore. We haven’t had sex for more than 6 months. Every day he has some explanation – he’s tired, he doesn’t feel good, he has to work, he’s in no mood for it, etc. He only kisses me on the cheek and that’s it. He had a huge sex drive before; we were making love many times a day, also during the beginning of my pregnancy. And that may not be the biggest problem. I’ve suspicion that he’s cheating on me, besides with a man. Once he had left his laptop open and I noticed a skype chat where he was talking with some other male. I know I shouldn’t have read it, but I did. They were calling each other “baby” and “honey” and this man was telling my husband how great he is. When somebody calls him, he always walks out of the room, so I can’t hear him. He stays many hours after job, telling me he has to do some extra work and I’ve noticed some men perfume on him that’s not his. Has he turned gay? When he’s home, he spends most of his time with the baby. Is this all because of my labor? Maybe he really shouldn’t have been there, so everything would be ok now? Is this really my fault? I never wanted to hurt him in any way, I love him very much and I thought it would be great for him to be present at the birth of his child. What should I do?
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (5 February 2013):
 Sweetheart, you didn't turn your hubby gay. Please don't beat yourself up. He had to have been somewhat into men long before you ever had your child together. People don't just "turn gay" because they saw their wife give birth. I'm sure if you talk to him, he'd tell you he's had a secret interest in men that maybe even he didn't even understand for a long time! He may just have not been consciously aware of it yet. Some people are in such denial of their sexuality, they bury it down deep and it doesn't come out until they meet someone who just brings it out of them. I know this certainly doesn't feel good, but you gotta talk to him. See if he can't open up to you. Hope this helps some.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (3 February 2013):
 I think you are right with your suspicions that your husband is cheating on you. All the signs are there: no sex in 6 months (at yours and his age that should be very concerning) and with him missing after hours and chatting with other guys in the language that he was using indicates to me he is up to no good.
If you are still in denial, I would recommend you get a screen capture program (or a key logger) for your PC. There are many on the internet that you can purchase to see exactly what your husband is doing on the computer.
I don't know why watching you give birth would make him gay. I suspect he already was gay or at least inclined to be gay from day 1. One thing that may have altered his thinking is that he is worried about making you pregnant again. Was your daughter planned or was she accidental? It could also be that he started developing homosexual feelings during the time of pregnancy when you couldn't have sex. However, my guess is that this isn't your fault and more about him than you.
Sadly, I think your marriage is largely over (at least as you know it). You could continue to live the way you are or you could confront your husband with your evidence and ask him what he wants to do. I would also suggest you see a therapist to help give your strength and support during this trying time.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 February 2013):
 It doesn't excuse his cheating though. He could be bisexual before you were married. Watching a mom give birth should not take away his sense of right and wrong.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (3 February 2013):
There is a little known phenomenon where men are unable to be with their wives after she gives birth. I believe it has something to do with her reminding him of his mom.
I promise you that I'm not joking.
Unfortunately I don't remember the name of it but I'd do some searching to see if any type of Psychiatric help would be advised.
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