A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:LOSING MY VIRGINITY I was 38 when I lost my virginity but I always wanted to lose it sooner. I was very shy and never met anyone that could help me lose it, as one would need another person to accomplish this. Ever since I was about 13, I got really strong erections without knowing the cause. I thought that it was related to women so I always tried thinking about something else and sometimes they went away. I was always attracted to women although I never really understood about the sexual process. I almost lost my virginity at 26, but I had a huge fear of women, especially beautiful women. It seems that I was afraid a many things, including speaking in front of the class, dancing with a girl, even the telephone (making and receiving calls) and most definitely sex or intimacy. Talking to a pretty girl was impossible for me. I would look at them and would quickly turn away when they looked back. Making eye contact was very difficult. When I was set up on blind dates, mainly by my brother, I would always feel emotionally devastated, disappointed and a total failure in something that should have brought me pleasure and happiness. When I was 26, I got a new job at a leading pharmaceutical company. There I met this pretty woman who seemed to like me. This in itself was very unusual for me, since I for the most part was invisible to that type of woman. Often avoiding or fleeing contact with them if discovered accidentally. This led to a sad and lonely existence but tolerable in that I was able to function (get good grades in school and do good work at the job). All this changed dramatically in an instant. At the start, she was the aggressor. One time when she was behind me on the stairs at work, she smacked me on the butt. Another time, I was walking to the cafeteria with two male coworkers and she was with a few female coworkers behind us. She remarked about my butt size. One woman said “small, medium, and large”. Then she added “more like none, small and extra large”. I was embarrassed to say the least. There was a male coworker a little older and much more experienced with women than I was, who I became friends with. He could not understand why I never had a girlfriend or sex for that matter. He suspected that I was gay but I told him no I was just very shy. She told him that she liked me and he asked me if I liked her and I said definitely yes. So he had several parties at his house and invited me and her and many others. I went to at least three parties. Each time I ended up drinking too much to relieve the stress and anxiety that I felt and maybe the alcohol would give me enough courage to overcome my fear of sex. Since I could not even tell her that I liked her and the reason for my reluctance to have sex with her had nothing to do with how I felt about her. Instead it was due to my virginity and the shame that I would feel if she discovered it.. As a direct consequence, I fell into great despair and later attempted suicide. She lost her virginity at an early age and simply moved on to another guy, because she didn’t even know that I liked her. And I checked in to a mental health facility and was treated for depression even received electroshock therapy. While there, I learned that masturbation was okay and every body did it. So at 28, I masturbated for the first time, which is very late for guys. Since then, I got psycho and sexual therapy even a sex surrogate but left before the actual sex thing. I am a type 1 diabetic since 11 years old, I always thought I would be dead before I had to worry about sex. At the age of 29, I joined a diabetic support group and the leader of the group suggested that getting diabetes at 11 while going through puberty interfered with my adolescence and resulted in my isolation which could be the cause. He also recommended going to a church singles group. There I met many people with problems so I didn't feel like a freak. At 38, I met someone who was somewhat attractive at this church group. So I took a chance and faced my fears and had sex for the first time. It was good and realized I was foolish to be so fearful wasting so much time suffering when I could have enjoyed my youth. We got married the following year, and had a son who is now in college and is totally normal thank God. I am now 58, and separated for about 10 years. I haven't had sex for about 15 years now. My wife was my first and only sexual experience, So basically I started very late (38), had sex a few times (10) and feel basically like a virgin all over again at 58. My fears and psychological problems have never left as I must fight against them every day. I wish I had lost my virginity while I was still young because now my diabetes and age have taken their toll on my body and now it is not only psychologically difficult for sex but also physically challenging even with Cialis. My extended virginity also caused me to lose my career and all my hopes and goals for the future since the depression that followed never left. My financial state went from pretty good to just about surviving. And I could not even concentrate long enough to hold a job. Making mistakes is always better than having regrets about what could have been if I just went for it. Continuously replaying the painful experiences of the past in my head is for me the definition of Hell. Looking at the world at large it seems that there are others with significant problems that are much worst than mine. People are killed and injured every day due to wars, crime, accidents and medical problems that are devastating. But that does nothing to alleviate my psychological and emotional pain which seems to last forever. Medication and therapy seem to help me maintain a mild state of depression and at least I can function in a daily routine of existence.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 September 2015):
 Your anxiety and your diabetes is related. Something about your blood sugar level and cortisol together with medicine usage. It's not that if you had had sex earlier in your life, then all would be glorious. It's true that life is more than sex and when you lose virginity. It's also true that very few people experienced a challenging life like you do or can relate to you. We all want to have a sense of control in life events, and to make sense of them but when bad health strikes us we realize how little control we have. I would venture and say if you lose women in your life it's not sexual ability or when you lost virginity. It is your attitude. Women can live with affections even though no sex, but definitely cannot live with a doom and gloom mentality.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 September 2015):
 You "sound like" me. The back seat of my 1956 Pontiac was ALWAYS ready to be that place wherein I became a MAN.... but, it wasn't until I was in college,.... in my dorm room.... that I found a woman who was agreeable to jumping on me!!!!
Be patient....
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (11 September 2015):
My good sir...yes you have wasted a lot of time focus on just one thing in your life.
This is what I am call Staring at the tree, and not seeing the rest of the forest.
Sex and women...Life is much more than that. I will never understand why people think being a virgin is a curse.
Which would you prefer...A woman who has sleep with half the men in your city, or one who waited just for you??
What are women?? Are they not human just like you?? So why be afraid of them?? What are you afraid of? Being rejected? Look how that turn out. You are so afraid that you have rejected yourself from being with a woman.
Sex is not the answer....how you get to sex is the answer.
What has this life long lesson taught you??? That you are a very good man for a woman. You will not just rush in and hump away like an animal. You will take your time, and you already show that you have the patience needed for a relationship.
My advise to you...STOP masturbating...NO HAND IN THIS WORLD LOOKS LIKE AND FEELS LIKE A VAGINA!!!! Also, men take this act to the extreme...to the point where they can't even have sex with a woman any more, because they have desensitize their penis from real sex, and only respond to their own hands. I call those men...LAZY. All these women in world and you are to lazy to get one. Hand is right there and easy...no work involved. Like to feel a hand on your penis...get a woman :))
You had a wife, so you are capable of love and being loved. Your past is the past, you cannot change it, but you can change how things go from here.
Women are easy to talk to as long as you come with the right intentions. Greeting a woman with your penis speaking for you, and you will be alone for a long time. A simple hi how are is all you need. Do not look away, just smile back and respond to what she says :)
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