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Did I overreact over his drunk texts?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 December 2013) 4 Answers - (Newest, 23 December 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend went out drinking yesterday. We had some disagreement two days ago.

He first texted me if I was having a bad week back then, which I told him I did before. So I just simply replied "yes". He then texted me "I hope your week gets better. feel better kid, please be happy" I was happy at that moment because I have been a bit upset since I felt like he didn't care about me that much, which kinda lead to the disagreement in the first place, and I was still hurting from what he said during the disagreement. But then 2 min later, he texted me "I am drunk! surprise!" I got upset immediately because I felt like he only said that because he's drunk and he hasnt contacted me the whole day (like now he only found me because he's drunk). He never really says affectionate things anymore when he's sober. And then procceed to a lot more drunk text which I chose to just say "wow. 8pm and you are drunk" and ignored most of the rest. He then said how I was ignoring his text, getting revenge, how he's not that drunk but drunk enough to harass me and judge my response.

Later that night, I texted him saying I thought he really meant it when he told me to by happy but turned out he was just drunk. He then said "drama queen, I am not that drunk" I told him I wasn't trying to pick a fight or getting revenge as you said. He was like "relax kid"

Did I really overreact?

View related questions: drunk, revenge, text

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (23 December 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntmy best friend calls me kiddo... has for years... it's her term of endearment.

never have a fight over texts

never respond to drunken texts or phone calls.

I get drunk voice mails from my hubby if I go away. He does not cope well with my being gone and he gets drunk and leaves me horrible messages. I just turn my phone off and ignore him.

never argue with a drunk... you can't win. and if you do win it's a hollow victory... a. they are drunk and at a disadvantage and b. they are drunk and won't remember.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (22 December 2013):

I think you over reacted. He said something nice to you and instead of appreciating it you chose to get upset.

I don't find offense with "kid" either, that's just how some people talk.

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A female reader, llifton United States +, writes (22 December 2013):

llifton agony auntI agree. "Kid?" Who says that to their boyfriend or girlfriend?

Either way, I think you have insecurities in this relationship that caused this incident to blow up into more. If you felt comfortable in the relationship, you wouldn't have made such a big deal.

Can you not communicate with him how you're feeling in a calm and collected way when he is sober? That you're feeling as though he doesn't care and you desire more reassurance to feel secure in the relationship?

One thing I know is men (and women too - I am this way) hate "drama." He's perceiving you as nagging him and picking fights. But when you are just having a calm conversation when he is not intoxicated and it's rational and not emotional, it might be taken a lot better. Just a thought.

No, you are not wrong in how you feel. I just think there may he ways to approach the situation that may get you better results. Good luck.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (22 December 2013):

Honeypie agony auntThe fact that he calls you a kid, kind shows that he thinks of you as a child. That you are therefore always wrong and he is always right.

Are you dating a guy who is way older then you?

I do agree that IT IS childish to "argue" over texts, it doesn't resolve anything.

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