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Did I accidentally lead my controlling ex boyfriend on?

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 July 2017) 7 Answers - (Newest, 29 July 2017)
A female United States age 26-29, *rueLoveWaits2016 writes:

Currently I have an amazing bf who I've been dating for a short while. Before I started dating him, I dated another guy for a short while who turned out to be a total control freak. When I 1st met him, the feeling of being wanted felt very good. We became exclusive after he bugged me about when we will be exclusive. I did care for him, but the paranoia and lack of trust really broke me. Plus forcing me to see him/talk to him all the time did not help.

He claimed to be joking around when he said he was smarter then me (I doubt he was joking), he let it go when I got upset w/him for it. He claimed guys like him were hard to find. I ended up having to lie on a few occasions about going to bed because I wanted a little bit of freedom from the texting and calling. The lying I feel very bad about. I put up w/the doubts, crying on his end, lack of trust for a couple weeks. He said he would change, it would get better etc, except that came up on every date (about 4 or 5 times a week). I wish I ended it sooner and feel like I accidentally lead him on.

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A female reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 United States +, writes (29 July 2017):

TrueLoveWaits2016 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I def found out he wasn't a good guy, I did learn, quite fast actually.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 July 2017):

Honeypie agony auntIt doesn't matter.

Do I think (from what you wrote) that you lead him on? No. I think you doubted yourself and thus didn't end it sooner.

There is no need for you to feel GUILT about.

It was a bad situation and you ended it. Let it go.

YOU made a mistake in thinking he was a good guy. IT happens. Instead of continuing to beat yourself up over it, LET it go. LEARN from it, avoid it next time and move on. No need to rehash this.

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A female reader, Dionee' South Africa +, writes (28 July 2017):

Dionee' agony auntI'd say, move on OP.

If you're happy now then the past shouldn't matter.

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom + , writes (28 July 2017):

You didn't end it sooner because you invested time and effort in to trying to make it work. Ultimately you both weren't compatible and so it didn't work out. Clearly this ex has issues but that isn't your fault or down to you to fix. Forget him, get on with your life and focus on the future. You've done nothing to feel guilty about.

I wish you all the very best.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (28 July 2017):

N91 agony auntWhy do you care?

It's done with, you guys were a bad match for each other so why are you wasting your time thinking about it?

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A female reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 United States +, writes (28 July 2017):

TrueLoveWaits2016 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

He is out of my life, just a feel a little guilty getting involved w/him so much. When I 1st met him, I thought he was just a caring guy, where actually he did the nice things to control me.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (28 July 2017):

Ciar agony auntI'm a bit confused.

Have you recently bumped into this ex and now he's bothering you again and you think you've led him on?

Or are you hanging on to old guilt about a guy who is no longer in your life?

You had every right to lie and the fact that you had to was a reflection of how unreasonable he was. Good grief, we're not obliged to be nice to people all the time. We all need a break, we all want to spend time with other friends or relatives or do errands, watch tv or just be alone.

The guy didn't introduce himself as a nut job, did he? He wasn't up front about being extremely clingy. I'd say it was he was dishonest with you.

People like him are not victims. They get dumped because they're extremely self centred. Others figure out pretty quickly his type has nothing to offer.

Erase him from your memory.

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